To be a bit disappointed with boyfriends presents for me?

[poppyflorrie]

Last night I was changing the bed and my boyfriend had hid my presents for Christmas in the blanket chest.
I am grateful but it's just the usual crap basically.
He's got my 2 fav bottles of perfume,a dressing gown,pair of slippers and a no7 skincare set.
It's the same thing pretty much every year.
I try and spice it up for him but he sticks to the same thing.
Aibu being a bit meh about them?

Oh FGS, I knew the 'you should be grateful as some people have no-one/nothing' comments would surface. They always bloody do on these type of threads! If you say you have PND with your first child, someone will come on and say 'well be grateful you don't have TWO babies to contend with like I do after having them only 11 months apart.'

If you say your mother is pissing you off, someone comes on and says 'be grateful you HAVE a mother, some people would give ANYthing to have a mother to piss them off, but theirs are dead. Cold in the ground and dead you ungrateful cunt.'

Just bore off with this passive aggressive bullshit. People are quite entitled to be pissed off or annoyed or disappointed, without someone wielding the 'you should be grateful you little madam/princess/entitled article' chestnut

Is anyone else a bit that apparently no one is ever supposed to experience or process negative human emotions?

I mean, I'm ungrateful inwardly for my husband's presents. I wish he would take the hints that have bloody bells ringing off them. I would dearly love for him to have confidence in himself to choose something personal. For himself not me.

I slap on a smile and hug him because I know he tried. That's possible at the same time as wishing I didn't receive another mulled wine set/chocolates/whatever.

I don't think it's a 'dick move', Hopping. He doesn't know she's seen the presents and would probably welcome some suggestions to make sure she's pleased with what she opens. A few years back I got all DH's presents early. Then he told me what he would really like, not realising I'd already bought him some bits. So I took some back and instead got something that he'd said he wanted. All happy. No big deal.

Sounds like he doesn't really "know" you OP. If he can't pick a flippin' present. Tell him he needs to find a better hiding place for the lovely bracelet you would like!

but the fact that she wants a thoughtful surprise as a gift (something she might not have thought of herself) isn't in any way unreasonable in an of itself.

I think there are 2 scenarios.

One is someone who goes, ‘well I could think of a hundred things I would want, so I’m flummoxed he can’t think of anything, it shows a lack of thought on his part’.

The other is ‘gosh, I can’t think of a single thing I would want but by god I expect him to be able to and not being able to shows a lack of thought on his part’.

One scenario would be reasonable. The other would not. The OP has placed herself in one of these scenarios.

People are quite entitled to be pissed off or annoyed or disappointed, without someone wielding the 'you should be grateful you little madam/princess/entitled article' chestnut

OP posted in AIBU, people have responded.

@Ifailed I know people are entitled to 'respond' and not necessarily positively.... but the passive aggressive 'you are an ungrateful princess, you should be grateful, as some people don't HAVE anyone to buy them stuff' really fucks me off.

Bore off with this bullshit.

Bless him. Why don't you just write a list out?
I can understand totally where your coming from, though from my prospective your being a little ungrateful, for the last 2 years me and my partner haven't been able to afford birthday, Christmas or any other occasion presents, I'd be chuffed to receive this

"Bless him, he does try". He's ALREADY bought your Christmas presents? Stop being a c0ck.

These types of posts will always bring about ‘princess-y’ reactions... because it isn’t compulsory to give gifts/ celebrate Christmas etc...
Why can’t you just see it as a bonus in your life that you have a partner that has purchased you some gifts, and you get to celebrate together?

HoppingPavlova

That's true if she genuinely couldn't come up with a single thing she'd like to receive but expects her boyfriend to be able to that's ridiculous.

I was interpreting it as her not really minding much what the gift is as long as it's thoughtful.

Sounds Lovely. Wish my dh bought me stuff like that.

Log splitting maul, chainsaw, romantic weekend, balloon ride, push the imagination a bit.
Surely nobody on the planet really wants socks, hankies etc as a 'gift'?
Even an obscure bit of kitchen gadgetry (for both to use) is better?

I really don't understand, why people expect presents, all fancy surprises for Christmas.

Christmas is for children.

I'd hate kitchen stuff. My storage is full; by recievinging more stuff I would have to accommodate it.

I really like stuff like perfume and a lovely dressing gown. I don't buy perfume for myself, and having new dressing gown, especially if fluffy or silky is always nice. My husband's other go-to present is jewelry- sometimes that's a bit hit and miss but I always feel it's a romantic present.

I would hate a balloon ride or a chain saw (!)

But- if you would like something different or way more thoughtful, speak with him about it.

I don't care as I am a shit present buyer myself- so would probably buy perfume/clothes/make-up or something for someone else!

I also love expensive nice chocolates- not so much cheap ones, though.

If you see this stuff as a symbol of deep knowledge and/or eternal love then you are probably always going to be disappointed at Christmas by people like me, because I simply don't translate my feelings about a person into objects. I don't think like that, some people do, I would say most don't by the quantity of chocs/bubblebaths/perfume sales.

I'm grabbing this out of thin air but are you disappointed it's not an engagement ring? Ooh or a puppy?

But if that is a terrible guess on my part I don't think you're massively unreasonable to want a bit more imagination but he clearly does put time and effort into getting you presents so that's the main thing really.

My ex husband kept getting me the latest gadget, which was great but he worked in an electronics shop so there wasn't a lot of imagination! I said to him one year in the run up to Christmas 'you're always so generous but I have every gadget I need now so perfume or jewellery would be good' and I got a lovely necklace.

I mentioned to my boyfriend last week that my kindle was knackered and I'd maybe like one for Christmas and he ordered one there and then. It means there's no surprise but I am getting something I really want so that's great.

Yes it's a marketing myth that there exists a perfect gift and other people are the problem if it doesn't happen!

I think it sounds great, but you need to tell him before Christmas what you want, e mail a list or link and Amazon gift list to him.

At least it is not a vacume cleaner or a mop and bucket .

I totally get the OP.
We are sold the idea that if someone loves you, they will buy you something specific and special that willmake you melt at their thoughtfulness.

Unfortunately in the real world, many people are not good at buying gifts.

OP, on the plus side, the things he has bought are things he knows you like. In that sense he does know you
He may not be brave enough to buy something new, in case he gets it wrong.
No-one can read minds, but it is not unreasonable to want something nice/unusual/surprise etc.

If someone is not good at buying presents, then they need help to learn. You need to be clearer about your needs, and he needs to be braver. The trouble is, in being brave, he may get it spectacularly wrong.
I said upthread that I send dh links from Oct. I have no idea what he picks up on until I open my present. It works for me, but it isn;t a complete surprise

Christmas is for kids

bollocks. I love it. I love getting presents, I love buying them, do Christmas your own way, if you want to buy presents for adults, why not?

My OH gets really stressed about what to get me, so I have given him a short list of things I would like to get (one off the list) and told him that I am happy for him to get something else if he finds something he thinks I would like. However, now he is stressing about being able to get anything off the list and whether what he chooses is the right kind of thing... I can't win! He tries so hard and worries so much - but honestly I think it would be easier if we just went and bought whatever it is together.

You can view Christmas or birthdays in all sorts of ways.

Lots of people seem to view it as a test of how "devoted" or "imaginative" or "loving" their partner is based on the presents they receive, giving mental points or ticks in boxes based on money spent, suitability, usefulness or some other criteria.

I prefer to think of something that I actually need, and ask my partner to buy it for me, or contribute with others towards it if it's expensive.

Basically, life and relationships already have enough disappointment in them that I don't really want to add more by making special days into a guessing game quiz show that can be won or lost. I'd really rather just say "I want X. What do you want?" and get a straight answer. Buy the presents. Be happy. Job done.