To be a bit disappointed with boyfriends presents for me?

[poppyflorrie]

Last night I was changing the bed and my boyfriend had hid my presents for Christmas in the blanket chest.
I am grateful but it's just the usual crap basically.
He's got my 2 fav bottles of perfume,a dressing gown,pair of slippers and a no7 skincare set.
It's the same thing pretty much every year.
I try and spice it up for him but he sticks to the same thing.
Aibu being a bit meh about them?

So you don't tell him what you want, you don't actually know what you want and you are disappointed because he buys you "safe" things which he knows you use (e.g. your usual perfume)? Surely you can see how unreasonable and ungrateful you are being?

Sorry but you’re coming across as very ungrateful, and a little entitled and spoilt. You haven’t told him what you want and then come onto a public forum saying his gifts are shit? Presumably you communicate with him - why haven’t you told him what you want? Have you even given him some ideas of what you might like?? He’s not a mind reader you know? He seems to have put some thought into the gifts, he even got you your fav routine perfumes? Sorry but you’re being unreasonable.

To the people who write specific lists, what is the point? Presumably you could just buy these things yourself, whenever you want to and if you can't you have bigger problems than your partners not knowing without being told what you would like.

If they are buying off a list, there's no surprise and no thought or effort on their part, except going to a shop or clicking on a website, so a pointless exercise for 'show' only.

I've always expected my DH to get me something wonderful every year. Sometimes he comes up trumps, sometimes it's a disappointment (2 vases when I've already got a cupboard full and I only ever get flowers from MIL).

I've finally realised this is all my own fault. He's not a mind reader. I'm fortunate enough to be able to buy things if I need them. I've got a drawer full of jewellery from my previous husband. I'm continuously dieting so tricky to buy clothes/lingerie for.
So I've just emailed him a list of ideas. And the names of friends who might explain my rather confusing descriptions.
And I'll be grateful for whatever he gets me. Because I know that he gives with love.

Many years ago, in the dying moments of my previous marriage, my then H (who I left because of DV, affairs, abuse etc) rushed out on Christmas Eve to find something to wrap for me. He ended up spending a fortune on an awful ceramic statue. It was hideous. Completely inappropriate. No thought went into it at all. All of which made it bloody hilarious! I loved it and it still lives with me (current DH doesn't know its back story, only that it stays with us regardless of how awful it is). It makes me chuckle every time I notice it.

You sound ungrateful. If I were him, I'd take the stuff back, and donate the money to Shelter instead.

When did people's expectations become so high?

I'm not really sure what else I would like tbh. Just a nice surprise of something different.

Well, if you don’t know how is he meant to . Either communicate what you would prefer to him or take what you get. Given you have no idea yourself my suggestion is to suck it up until something comes to mind that you can suggest.

I concur - either give him a list, OR decide that this year you're buying things to do rather than just things. Poor sod, he isn't a mind reader!

Forgot to add, given he has already gone to the trouble and purchased gifts for this Xmas, don’t bring it up now. Wait until a decent amount of time has passed and then bring it up as a ‘I was thinking, in the future...’ type of thing, otherwise you will come across as ungrateful.

BarbaraofSevillle

I agree about lists to an extent DH's family just tell you to buy them X which takes all the fun out of actually choosing something for them (especially FiL who will say he wants a very specific cable for his speakers, or a particular set of screws from the hardware store). I think sometimes lists have a place when there are luxury items that you would never buy for yourself but feel nice to get for Christmas.

Be grateful that you dont have to buy your own. My dh is useless rather thrn attempt to suprise me he just tells me to get what i want. 14 years and its not changed

I'm not really sure what else I would like tbh. Just a nice surprise of something different.

To be fair surely you can tell what OP means? She doesn't mind what she gets specifically she just wants DP to take the trouble of choosing her something as a surprise rather than just buying stuff she could buy herself. I think this is fine she just needs to tell DP. Obviously she can't then complain if DP tries to find her something new and she ends up not liking it.

my dh is not a natural present buyer. He also doesn't think ahead, so on holiday I saw some lovely earrings and told him how much I liked them and then wandered off down the market, it would nEVER occur to him to buy them, as it was August! But then in December he doesn't know what to get.

So now I send him links to about 20 things during Oct/Nov/Dec and then he has a list to go from.

Sometimes he goes off piste, but usually with great success, because he knows I want something. Like the year when I really wanted a greenhouse, but didn't think it was something we could afford, and he sourced and found a second hand one, and built it for me.

I don't expect him to get it, to instinctively know, or to be great at surprises, so I have accepted that I need to point him in the right direction.

If there isn't actually anything you want then that's different, I presume it's stuff you will use. I've stopped buying DH a birthday present because he never knows what he wants and I'm not prepared to spend money on tat he doesn't want.

I write DH a list. Every chuffing year. Birthday and Christmas. He reads said list and decides that I don't "need" any of what I've put... so toddles off to Homesense or the local garden centre and buys utter shite instead.... even our DDs looked at him in horror when he bought me some books about sexually abused nuns and colleen nolan's life story.

My birthday was some vile smelling body lotion in a huge size... I can't use it as I get eczema, candles (I have about 40 now) and some random mugs and plates (we have matching sets). It sounds churlish to moan but I actually dread opening things from him. The worst was a fish tank...(i hate fish) and a mirror for the living room!

Your DP sounds very lovely in comparison. Swap??!?!

To be fair surely you can tell what OP means?
No, I can’t. Apparently her BF is also clueless. Given this she needs to clearly articulate the issue to him. Preferably after a suitable amount of time has passed post Xmas.

I don't know what op means either.

It's not even mind reading that's required as she doesn't even know what she'd like!

You could always pretend you haven't seen the gifts and say 'I'd really like something different this year, like tickets to XX show/special dinner out at XX restaurant/spa day together at XX local place' and he may rethink one or two of the items.

If he doesn't take up on the hints, then you'll have to be more obvious next year if you really don't want the same things.

I do think he's been sweet though, they're perhaps not the most exciting or revolutionary gifts but he has thought about them a little and has shopped in advance, so let's give him some dues. But you can't expect him to read your mind.

DP and I have been together too long to care about presents these days. I'm giving birth to his present around Christmas time

I think some people struggle with gift giving, even with the best will in the world and knowing their loved ones very well they might stick with the safe options rather than risk get it wrong.

Other people are very good at it and seem to have an innate gift (ha ha!) for it.

I think if your partner is one of the less good ones then it’s best to give them recommendations or tips, if you give them a range of things (or links) then you don’t know what they’ll pick so it’s still a surprise.

You could always pretend you haven't seen the gifts and say 'I'd really like something different this year, like tickets to XX show/special dinner out at XX restaurant/spa day together at XX local place' and he may rethink one or two of the items.

I think that’s a complete dick move givennshe knows he has already gone to the trouble, even if it’s not what she wants.

You do seem a little ungrateful. Some people get nothing, or have no one.

Me and DP dont have any children (yet) so we usually spend a fair bit on each other.

We each have an Amazon wish list where we put stuff in that we like then we will choose a few items from each others lists, or similar items.

No, I can’t. Apparently her BF is also clueless.

I'll tell you then she wants a present that her boyfriend has thought about of his own accord rather than just spent money on. If you just pay for something someone tells you to buy there's no thought or care in it. Some people are happy with this because they'd rather not have money wasted on something they may not actually like (fair enough) other people want a gift that's an expression of love because the person has spent time thinking about it and using what they know about the person to choose something nice (also fair enough). If the OP is in the latter category surely you can see it's fairly silly to ask her what she actually wants - she wants a surprise. Obviously if you are in the latter category you do have to accept that the giver might get it wrong sometimes and buy something that isn't quite to your taste.

Obviously her boyfriend might not be aware that OP would prefer a surprise and she needs to tell him but the fact that she wants a thoughtful surprise as a gift (something she might not have thought of herself) isn't in any way unreasonable in an of itself.

You sound really ungrateful. Their nice gifts. Maybe ask him what he would like then throw a few suggestions in?

Sounds about right, I get underwear in the wrong size, a dress that needs to also be exchanged, sometimes a computer game he wants! I don't bother with his consequently, red dead redemption 2 have come to the rescue

You need to activate the Present Alarm. 😊Basically dropping an enormous mega hint within earshot ‘oh I would REALLY like something like [insert very specific description and location of said item]’. Present suitability alarm goes off - life made easier for everyone.

Just be careful to a. Be specific and b. Don’t say it about things like tin foil eg ‘oh I really wish we had some tin foil’ or Xmas day could be a bit disappointing 😂