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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask the pros and cons of having a 3rd child

82 replies

Scottishgirl85 · 20/10/2018 20:33

We have two lovely daughters, 3.8 and 6 months. We've always talked of having 3 children and I'm finding myself packing away our baby's outgrown clothes, moses basket etc into the loft for another potential child... But I'm really interested to hear from those who have 3, what's it really like?

I just don't feel done yet, but is it an odd number for sibling fallouts, too far to stretch attention around all 3, etc?

For background our two daughters were not easily conceived and we'll need ivf again for a third so it may not even happen.

Thanks!

OP posts:

Neolara · 20/10/2018 20:39

It's lovely. You have another wonderful person in your family.

Barbie222 · 20/10/2018 20:42

I love having 3 but when my children were the same age as yours I had no idea how expensive it would get once they get to be teens. I'd say that was the only drawback.

Galvantula · 20/10/2018 20:48

Pros : another cool little person. They're really good fun in general and play together nicely say...75% of the time.

Cons: can be noisy

Harder to get one on one time with them all, I feel my oldest can get a bit neglected of the littlest is looking for a lot of attention/causing trouble.

It's a little harder getting cars/ hotels etc as a lot is set up for a family of 4. We've got away with the littlest sometimes going in a travel cot on holidays up to now, but we'll need a proper bed next year.

I'm kind of scared of having 3 teenagers Barbie 😨 Mine are all still under 10 though.

Cheeseplantandpickle · 20/10/2018 20:50

I've just had my third, so maybe too early to tell, but it's lovely so far. My older two love him and he's fitted straight in.

florenceheadache · 20/10/2018 20:57

You have two arms/hands and (usually) two adults. You’re outnumbered. You might need a bigger vehicle. As hard as being at two places at once you will now have to be at three places at once. Hand me downs are rarely possible to the third child. More expensive (especially come uni). No guarantee the three will get along.

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 20/10/2018 20:59

I am one of three and love it, hope to have at least 3 myself. The more the merrier

beelover · 20/10/2018 21:03

I am one of 3, so is DH and we have 3 DC's. Mine are all adults now and I can't think of a single con.

welliwasntexpectingthat · 20/10/2018 21:04

I agonised over this for a long time. I read so many posts on here. My husband was unsure, as was I. The indecision was awful. In the end We did it and it is the best thing ever.

GreenFieldsofFrance · 20/10/2018 21:09

Pros: another child to love, for us it's meant adding an entirely unpredictable dimension to our family. Dc3 is adored beyond the beyonds.

Cons: increased probability of rowing siblings. Another voice to add to the interminable "mummmmeeeeeeeee" 50 million times a day. Find it hard to listen to 2 dcs at once? Three is head-bangingly mindfucking. Increased cost. More complex logistics. Disruption of a straightforward "I'm the older child so I'm the best, and i'm the youngest child so I'm the best " dynamic. Less opportunity for time alone, it's doable to ask dh to sort 2 out so I can have a break / rest, 3 is doable but more of an "ask", my weekend mid afternoon naps have all but disappeared ;). Aging disproportionately due to an even more overwhelming tiredness than with just 2.

Despite all the cons, it's totally worth it.

bumblebee39 · 20/10/2018 21:11

About to have DC3 think I'm mental but hey ho here we go! Good luck OP whatever you decide is right for your family X

FabulousTomatoes · 20/10/2018 21:12

We agonised and decided to stop at two. I am so bloody glad we did! Teenagers are expensive and need a lot of your time, wonderful as they are.

namechangedtoday15 · 20/10/2018 21:13

Yes it's brilliant. She has seriously completely our family, she's a whirlwind, a big personality. Love her to BITS. Most people think about a 3rd period of maternity leave and nursery fees but they only get more expensive as they get older.

Needed biggest house, bigger car. Everything is massively expensive and making time for 3 is just daunting. Have 2 teens and a pre-teen. I have spent 4 hours ferrying 3 children to sports fixtures today, stood on the sidelines for another 3 hours. 3 x expensive sports kits, after school activities, clothes, shoes, school trips, spends - it all adds up (never mind saving for their futures). Holidays are usually 50% more for 5 than my sister pays for a family of 4 (as we usually have to have 2 rooms / we do an apartment / villa). 5 x adult portions every time we eat out.

And then thinking about driving lessons, the amount we're expected to contribute to the annual student loan for uni (£4,600 per child per year and that's just the minimum living expense, nothing extra) it's bloody expensive.

namechangedtoday15 · 20/10/2018 21:14

Sorry for all the typos!

Original poster

Scottishgirl85 · 20/10/2018 21:24

Thanks so much everyone so far. Really interesting points! Expense is probably my main concern. Our house is big enough so that's not a problem, but thinking about the everyday expense of teens is a bit daunting and we live in the south east. Hmmm lots to think about!

OP posts:

namechangedtoday15 · 20/10/2018 21:36

I think teenagers (tech etc) are expensive regardless of where you live!

ScarletAnemone · 20/10/2018 21:44

Pros: another wonderful person in your family. More combinations for children to play in, so sometimes 2 play together, sometimes a different 2, sometimes all 3. When the first 2 leave home or go to uni or whatever you’ve still got one at home.

Cons: 70 socks a week for a family of 5. Most hotel family rooms are set up for families of 4, so you have to pay for 2 rooms at double the cost.

GreenMeerkat · 20/10/2018 21:46

Interesting (if a tad terrifying) thread.

I'm about to have my third, on Monday!!

I'm one of 3 and the biggest con was being a bit left out. I'm the eldest and have two younger brothers who were naturally closer. But I have always been closer with my mum as a result.

marine04 · 20/10/2018 21:51

It might be twins.
Love them to bits but it was a big jump from 2 to 4. We had to get a bigger car and it's proving very expensive now they are all teenagers.

Teenageromance · 20/10/2018 21:53

Three is much harder work over a lot of years - two is much easier

Poodletip · 20/10/2018 21:56

Having three children redefines busy. It's incredible the difference it makes when there's one less in the house and it doesn't even matter which one! The noise, the mess, the washing, the need for bigger cars, hotels being something other people do...

I couldn't have not had no.3 though. There was a very strong feeling that we were missing part of the family. The joy of another wonderful little person in our lives. The fact that even though they may squabble, all three siblings adore each other and have amazing chats around the dinner table.

I don't think I could have any more without being spread too thin to give them the time they need as individuals. Three is the perfect number here. I've never regretted it (though I do sometimes wish there were more hours in the day or days in the week).

BluebellCockleshell123 · 20/10/2018 22:03

Having a 3rd child has made our family more chaotic but definitely much happier. DC3 is so funny and loving and kind. His older siblings love him to bits. I kind of feel that with only 2 we would have been too "organised" and I like the fact that the kids are little gang. There's always someone to sort out a disagreement and they have really learned to compromise and cooperate.
I am so so so glad our circumstances allowed us to have a 3rd.
The only downside I can see is expense. Bigger car & house. Another cost for clubs, uniforms, etc. And family holidays are usually geared to 4. And we haven't even got to the teenage / university age yet!

Sparklingbrook · 20/10/2018 22:03

Three small children is one thing. Three teenagers/young adults is another.
I stopped at two and I am very glad. DS1 is at Uni, DS2 doing A levels, I am very glad that's all that's going on. I worry if I had had a third, doing everything for a third time wouldn't have been fun.

As it was I did the school run for 11 years. That was plenty!

Nutella3 · 20/10/2018 22:12

It's the best. I always wanted three children and am a firm believer that you might regret not having another child but you'll never regret having one. Mine are 18, 15 and 12 and yes it's chaotic, yes we worry about the cost of uni etc but none of that really matters as much as feeling that our family is complete

Puffinhead · 20/10/2018 22:16

I have 3DD, there’s a 2 year gap between the older two and 3.5 years between the 2nd and 3rd. I spent a long time thinking about the third child hence the bigger age gap.

I was more relaxed with DD3 as a baby, she just slotted in, but then I found it easier when they were all smaller. Now my eldest is 13 I would say it is harder. Yes, they can all dress themselves etc..but the arguments! Also, the emotional support they all need can be more draining, not to mention the guilt I constantly feel (I’m letting one of them down)... it’s hard to say whether I’d feel that way with just 2 though. I would say I have a lot less patience too - and fewer marbles!

The age gap widens as they get older so holidays/family days out can be trickier. And obviously there’s the general expense. And yes to all the bloody socks!! I love having 3 but sometimes I do wonder how life would have turned out with just 2....

OlennasWimple · 20/10/2018 22:17

It creates a middle child. I hated (and still do) being a middle child

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