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Original poster

To ask the pros and cons of having a 3rd child

82 replies

Scottishgirl85 · 20/10/2018 20:33

We have two lovely daughters, 3.8 and 6 months. We've always talked of having 3 children and I'm finding myself packing away our baby's outgrown clothes, moses basket etc into the loft for another potential child... But I'm really interested to hear from those who have 3, what's it really like?

I just don't feel done yet, but is it an odd number for sibling fallouts, too far to stretch attention around all 3, etc?

For background our two daughters were not easily conceived and we'll need ivf again for a third so it may not even happen.

Thanks!

OP posts:
Puffinhead · 20/10/2018 22:19

Yes, I agree about the school run - I’ve already done 8 years, 4 more to go Shock

namechangedtoday15 · 20/10/2018 22:21

Olenna having 3 children doesn't create a middle child. Only the family / style of parenting can do that.

Our middle child if you want to put labels on children is 10 mins younger than his twin sister - is that a 'middle child'? And he's the only boy out of the 3 which he loves most of the time so gets plenty of individual time.

Puffinhead · 20/10/2018 22:22

@Olennas, interesting you say that. I think my 2DD found it hard when she became the middle child and still struggles. Although I was the eldest of 3 and I can’t say I enjoyed that much either.

shutlingsloe · 20/10/2018 22:23

We considered it but stuck at two. So pleased now we're at the teens/university stage, there's no way we'd have the money or energy for three teens, I take my hat off to people who do!

Fatted · 20/10/2018 22:24

Twins!!

My parents had twins with the intended third baby. This is why I never wanted more than two children.

We've also stopped at two for so many reasons. Money. Needing to up size the house, the car and everything else. I feel too old now and my second pregnancy was too physically demanding to ever consider doing it again.

Fatted · 20/10/2018 22:26

I'm also the middle child. Being the middle child is definitely a real thing. Especially when your parents have 4 children under 6, have two newborns to look after and your mum also has undiagnosed mental health issues and couldn't cope with it all.

cantquitebelieveit12 · 20/10/2018 22:27

I’m one of three & loved it so would like no 3 myself. The only thing putting me off is pregnancy & expense but I’m 80% going for it.

FrightsaidRed · 20/10/2018 22:28

We’ve three and it’s amazing. Same struggles as when there were just two of them in terms of noise / chaos etc in many ways. What’s nice for us is there is always someone to play with, so if two are feeling happy to play together and one isn’t, those two play together and the third goes off to play alone. Whereas with two, if one is in a strop yet the other desperately wants a playmate, it’s game over. It hasn’t made a huge difference to us to be honest having three instead of two. But four....four would be madness Confused

Clearthinking · 20/10/2018 22:29

I was the third child. Grew up knowing how skint the folks were. Brother is 8 years older though. I sometimes forget I have 2 brothers. Always went on family hols and in the car on day trips because he could stay at home

motortroll · 20/10/2018 22:30

Pros prolonging the sticky baby love phase.

Cons literally not enough hands

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 20/10/2018 22:31

I can’t imagine anyone with three would prefer to have two!

I’m sure we’d love a third, they would enrich our lives immeasurably.

But less cost, less pressure on us at work, we like sleep, we like holidays (much easier with our two, plus can afford nice ones), enough space in the house. I feel stretched as it is, emotionally and re time spent with the kids.

Lovinglifemostly · 20/10/2018 22:32

Pros: all those cuddles and love
Con: cost of new car. Holidays more expensive. Not many people I know are happy to babysit 3 children. All of the obvious extra costs. Lack of sleep. Demanding older siblings.
People assuming you want a third child as you want a son.

Pros: those cuddles and the older siblings looking after their baby brother or sister all outweigh the cons.

I went from a mum of 2DS to 4DS as we had twins when we went for our third. We are exhausted but extremely happy and fulfilled. And no we weren't trying for a daughter we just wanted another child!

cantquitebelieveit12 · 20/10/2018 22:34

we tend to use air bnb for holidays so I tell myself that at least accomodation won’t be more expensive.

FreeButtonBee · 20/10/2018 22:38

I had twins as my first so a slightly different perspective but I love the rough and tumble of three. It feels a bit less polite and ‘planned’ than two. And more curve ball and silly and hilarious. That said, mine are all v close in age so now that DS2 is 3 and starting to be pretty civilised, I feel like I’ve won the lottery. Even managed to go for dinner at 5.30 this evening in a new place and no one had a single tantrum.

But I do think it teaches them to rub along in a great way; enough kids to have to compromise; not so many that there is no time for 1on1.

FreeButtonBee · 20/10/2018 22:39

Oh and we are not really hotel holiday people so that doesn’t bother me. Even with 2 kids we would booo at 3 or 4 bed place just because the living space was more on the scale that we wanted.

florenceheadache · 20/10/2018 23:29

I’m a mom of three advocating the merits of two. I love each of mine dearly BUT it was difficult draining work. Hardest job imaginable.
I was blessed with 3 healthy children but worry that roll the dice worry that maybe with the next pregnancy my numbers would be up (as the expression goes).

Sparklingbrook · 21/10/2018 06:26

My Dad was the middle child. He's nearly 80 now and still talks of how miserable it was. Sad

OrcinusOrca · 21/10/2018 06:29

I'm one of three and hated it. I am the youngest and only girl. I will neverrrrr have three 

sofato5miles · 21/10/2018 06:49

We have three and love it. The expense has been real though. Bedrooms in house, hotels, cars, flights school, uni..

My eldest and middle fight the most but my youngest thinks the middle child is the most sage person she knows. Believes 10 year old him over anything I say..Grin

cantquitebelieveit12 · 21/10/2018 06:52

OrcinusOrca Can I ask what would have changed by having only 1 older brother?

Terramirabilis · 21/10/2018 07:09

This thread is making me want a third! I do worry though that part of my motivation would be trying to get a girl next time.

SoyDora · 21/10/2018 07:29

Reading with interest as I’m 30 weeks pregnant with our third!
We already have a big enough house and car, and unless things change dramatically we don’t have any financial concerns. I’m worried about the noise though!

SoyDora · 21/10/2018 07:30

It is annoying though that people assume we only wanted a third to get a boy (have two girls) which is completely not true. We tried for another baby because we wanted another member of our family, not a particular sex.

cantquitebelieveit12 · 21/10/2018 07:33

Agree with you SoyDora as we have 2 of the same gender but I just want a 3rd regardless. I personally think it’s quite nice to have the same gender but that’s probably because that’s how I grew up.

Loopytiles · 21/10/2018 07:34

With three it can be harder to WoH, and to spend time with each DC.

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