Insulted by MIL

[WeakAsIAm]

DH rang from MIL house :
DH: mum wants to know if kids have anything decent to wear to 'x' wedding next week.
Me: why
DH: oh nothing she just was going to go and buy them some stuff so they don't look scruffy.
Me: whatever
DH: well if you're going to be like that, bye.

(Didn't hang up properly)
DS: what was that?
Me: oh grandma thinks we might embarrass her next week so wants to buy you lot new clothes

DH : rings back says heard what I said, big fall out.

Who is being UR?
Prepared for a roasting, background not first time MIL/FIL changed DC clothes, decided my choices (clothing/gifts/places to visit) were not acceptable

Why didn't she just ask your dh as he was with her?

If your mil said your kids were scruffy, then that is out of order.

But are they scruffy when you go out?

Yanbu!! Thats so rude... the offer could of been nice maybe worded better, but still why presume you dont have or would be, getting nice clothes for your own DC. And id say that it was DP as much as MIL

Given the past history, YANBU to be annoyed. You should be left alone to parent/dress your children as you see fit. MIL had her turn with your DH. You're the mother now!

BUT

YWBU to talk about your MIL like that to your children. I would have been annoyed to hear that if I was your DH.

It sounds as though your DH doesn't see an issue? That must be frustrating...

No kids are never dressed scruffy, and esp not for a family function.
Just feel MIL always says these passive aggressive/undermining things that DH just doesn't seem to pick up on. Think he has rose tinted glasses for his angelic mother 😡😡😡. Vent vent vent

She probably didn't mean it quite as you have taken it. For all you know she might have been about to offer to buy the children something or give some money towards it.

Let it go, people are clumsy with words all the time. I always treat that as a lesson for me not to be the same (but I expect I am sometimes).

your response should be "what part of what I said isn't true"

You were bang out of order saying that to the children.

That’s not fair.

Did your MIL actually say they look scruffy?
Do they have anything nice to wear?

I think your reaction was a bit prickly, as it sounds like your MIL was just offering to get new outfits for your DC. However, it all depends on your relationship with her generally and her past behaviours, only you can know for sure whether she was being genuine or whether she was having a dig.

If this were a one off then I would say YAB a bit U.

However, it sounds as though MIL has form and wasn't trying to be nice?

YANBU - how about if you had rung your MIL up and asked her if she had anything decent to wear to the wedding next week? See, it's rude!

We don't have a good relationship, don't want to refuse the children opportunity to get something nice just because I'm being sulky.
The DS I spoke to is an adult (still not ideal I know) younger 2 not present.
Anyway I'm banned from wedding now, so in some ways winner 😬
The kids do have nice stuff to wear

Why are you banned from the wedding????

Well you started it by not answering the question if they had anything to wear, how hard is it to say yes or no, so you started it by being deliberately antagonistic by not giving a straight answer and then undermining your MIL to your children.

Who’s wedding is it? If I were banned, my dc wouldn’t be going either.

If you didn't hang up properly how did your DH ring back?

I get it. My mother is exactly the same.

I start turning it around now.

"Make sure the kids look smart for X's wedding, have you got something or do I need to buy something"....note her needing to buy something as if I am incapable.
"I was planning on them wearing what they wore for Y's wedding"
"Well just make sure they look smart"
"Didnt they look smart at Y's wedding then?"
"Well yes but...."
"So why would you think they would look anything but smart at X's wedding?"
"I dont, I was just reminding you."
" Why do you think I need reminding?"
"I just thought I'd mention it, no need to get defensive!"

blah blah....

She doesnt do it so much anymore but you can see her fighting the urge, its quite funny :o Or I say that they are wearing their scruffiest clothes because "X wont mind, she loves them for who they are, not what clothes they wear...." then she calls me childish :o:o

What a cheeky cow.

As for not saying it in front of your kids, I think you did the right thing!

Don't let them think nanny is being nice to treat them. She clearly thinks their scruffy and they should grow up knowing what she thinks and how she really is.

My parents would lie to us and I wish they had just told us what our nan was like from the start!

Well if I was banned then the kids would be going over my dead body.

An oldie but a goodie......you dont have a MIL problem, you have a DH problem.

How are you banned from wedding? Has the bride or groom been in touch? Surely it's fuck all to do with MIL even if she is MOTB?

But agree - result

Super! DH can sort the kids, present etc and you can have a day to yourself.

Winner!

Who barred you from the wedding? How old are the children?

Wedding is for MIL brother. DH banned me for daring to insult his DM 😱
DH heard my faux pas hung up and rang me back
Def may ring her next time to make sure she is not wearing something frumpy/ageing ha ha ha