Insulted by MIL

[WeakAsIAm]

DH rang from MIL house :
DH: mum wants to know if kids have anything decent to wear to 'x' wedding next week.
Me: why
DH: oh nothing she just was going to go and buy them some stuff so they don't look scruffy.
Me: whatever
DH: well if you're going to be like that, bye.

(Didn't hang up properly)
DS: what was that?
Me: oh grandma thinks we might embarrass her next week so wants to buy you lot new clothes

DH : rings back says heard what I said, big fall out.

Who is being UR?
Prepared for a roasting, background not first time MIL/FIL changed DC clothes, decided my choices (clothing/gifts/places to visit) were not acceptable

DH sounds like a twat. Throwing a strop because of that?

How do you put up with him?

Impossible to tell who was being unreasonable based on this Except your dh banning you from the wedding. That is most definitely not on.

Maybe, i don't think I've ever sent my kids out looking scruffy
They are definitely always in clean clothes that fit and are appropriate for the occasion.
MIL does have form for this, she once bribed nephew with a new watch if he changed his clothes into ones she bought him to attend our engagement party.
Don't think I ever seen him or his DS in anything scruffy either
Feel it's a control thing but maybe I'm holding a grudge

Seriously your dh is a total knob

Rule one: DONT call your dw and ask anything ever in front of your own mother

Rule two: Never ever do this if you are insinuating the children are in any way scruffy or unclean. It is fucking rude!!!

Rule three: See your mother for the interfering and manipulative person that she most definitely is (this was not an act of kindness)

Rule four: You can't ban your own DIL from a wedding just because she has called you out on your very poor behaviour!!!!!

Oh how have you put up this set up for as long as you have!
If your invitation has been withdrawn you will no longer need to worry about what the kids will wear...

You have a serious dh problem op, sorry but I would be fuming if I were you.

Your husband is horrible!

Although not sure why you didn't just answer yes, no or tell him what is needed so that his mum could sort it out.

Doesn't sound as if MIL was the one doing the insulting though.

Lets face it, MIL has banned you or DH has thrown you under a bus to appease mummy.

Thing is, it’s not their wedding. If you wanted to cause a fuss, ring the bride and groom and ask. Or send them a note saying it is a shame you have been banned but the children are still going to go and you wish them a great day.

It all depends on delivery. If hb was there and did not take it as an insult, I wouldn't either, having got the information second hand. If she had insulted you to your face, that would be different.

You'd hope your husband would not be standing for his mum insulting is wife. As he was there, he should deal with it. He sounds like a right mama's boy though so could well be slagging you off to him and he goes along with it.

He should be handling the situation himself. He should have accepted or rejected the offer or perhaps a quick call to check you haven't bought anything specifically for the wedding already but "Mum wants to know", "Mum said this" is childish.

You were wrong to involve your kids in the conflict but he shouldn't be banning you from anything. He should be trying to resolve the conflict not making a public statement that he is on mummy's side.

What were you going to dress your children in?

Ha my Mum does this. She constantly buys my kids and me clothes she thinks she knows better. She wanted me to change my newborn last week because she didn’t like his babygrow- apparently grey isn’t a great colour on him

Oh and by the way your comment about grandma was only the truth so why would dh be so cross? It doesn't make sense to me, why should you not say it how it is.

The buying of children's wedding clothes is neither for your children's or your benefit as are happy with the clothes you have already organised, only grandma who is very controlling.

Your DH is a dick. My MIL could ask something like this, but we have a good relationship and I know she isn’t being detrimental to me, she’s just wants to help out. It’s great for me; she’s taken them for haircuts (at my request) and cut their nails and all sorts while I’ve been busy. I felt sad for her when we were all in holiday because she noticed DS’s awful toenails and would have had a go, but he’s 15 now and would t have it. But that’s the difference: she’s got different standards to me (better ones) and more time and I know she loves us and just wants to help.

It was not repeating what grandma had said to DS. According to DH, she said she wanted to buy them clothes so they didn't look scruffy. She did not say she thinks they will embarrass her. That was OPs inference.

I’m sorry OP, but I’d be leaving him for that.
He didn’t see through his mum having a dig, called you to pass on the said dig,
Then banned you from the wedding for being pissed off af such.

Wow. I’m astounded.

Thanks you beautiful lot, so messages loud and clear

1. don't relay my interpretation of conversation to DGC
2. DH is a massive dick
3. will def not be going to IL family wedding out of principle
4. make sure DC are dressed fucking immaculate next week too Kisses for you all

The insinuation that her grandchildren are scruffy is offensive, and I can't think she would have been happy about it (and indeed perhaps embarrassed)

I think MIL should be calling op and apologising for the insinuation here children are scruffy and offence caused not the other way around!

This wasn’t an innocent what lovely clothes are the children wearing to the wedding? enquiry.

It was a are the children going to be wearing anything good enough? loaded question.

As the OP knows perfectly well, but her DH has yet to learn.

Enjoy your Spa day whilst in Purdah won’t you?

4. Make sure your husband dresses then to his mum's specifications!

I'd leave "4) make sure DC are dressed fucking immaculate next week too " up to them. Not your circus and you're not watching the performance.

Last wedding was a pink my little pony dress, paired with a red cardigan, some grey knee high school socks and jelly shoes

So what? She's a child FFS. Anyone judging needs to have a word with themselves.

I agree that my nieces are children. Obviously.
But I find at every family event people comment as they’re dressed so bizarrely.
I worry that they are going to overhear the comments one of these days and be upset, when it isn’t their fault. I believe in letting children express their self identity, but when they do it when a certain dress code is required then people comment on it.
My situation is obviously completely different to the OP’s situation anyway though.

But I find at every family event people comment as they’re dressed so bizarrely.

People should jolly well not comment, then. As adults they've no excuse for being so rude.

I wear red and pink together, and red and orange - looks good! are jellies back in fashion for kids? Mine wore them back in the 80s - with odd socks!

What a cheek. What is it with some of these mothers in law? Are they really trying their best to be disliked?

But people are going to comment, especially if you wear a swimming costume, with a tutu and your sisters cardigan who is 2 years younger than you to a christening?
But my brother and SIL believe that anything goes as long as the item of clothing is clean.
Im not really interested as to what they wear to be quite honest. It doesn’t change how I see them.
I always remember my ex telling me a story about how in the 80s they went to a wedding and his mum dressed all 3 of them (brothers) in matching shell suits and everyone else was in trousers and shirts. To this day he remembers getting comments and feeling uncomfortable. Just a different view point.

I would be tempted to send them in the most hideous tracksuit I could find.
But I a petty when it comes to some one saying my children look scruffy. 😂

I would defiantly be having a word with 'd'h for treating you like a naughty child. He is showing where his loyalties lie.
Enjoy your day off when it comes