Insulted by MIL

[WeakAsIAm]

DH rang from MIL house :
DH: mum wants to know if kids have anything decent to wear to 'x' wedding next week.
Me: why
DH: oh nothing she just was going to go and buy them some stuff so they don't look scruffy.
Me: whatever
DH: well if you're going to be like that, bye.

(Didn't hang up properly)
DS: what was that?
Me: oh grandma thinks we might embarrass her next week so wants to buy you lot new clothes

DH : rings back says heard what I said, big fall out.

Who is being UR?
Prepared for a roasting, background not first time MIL/FIL changed DC clothes, decided my choices (clothing/gifts/places to visit) were not acceptable

Lol, also ask her if she's got enough anti-wrinkle cream

Agree with PP why shouldnt you be honest with your kids! Shouldnt have to cover for other ppl being disrespectful A-holes

Yep, you have a DH problem, not just an MIL problem. Is he always this petty and melodramatic?

DH banned you? Are you being serious?

Who the fuck does he think he is?

God, I would be so tempted to send them in the scruffiest clothes I could find.

I don't see that you said anything wrong to your DS either. You simply restated the conversation. If that was a problem then the original conversation was at fault, not you.

And yes, your DH is the problem as much as his mother. How it should have gone:

MIL: Will the kids be wearing something nice? I'm worried they may look scruffy.
DH: Me & Weak are both adults. I'm sure we know how to dress our kids for a wedding. After all, you raised me, how bad can I be?
THE END

Epilogue: you & DH have a quiet laugh later about how his mother fusses as if you're both still children.

So why didn't that happen? Because of your DH.

I'd be damn tempted to head off somewhere nice, alone, for the weekend, leaving Fri eve, and not having my phone switched on.

And get your husband a mummy’s boy bib to wear.

x-post.

Your DH banned you? I'd be banning him from the house & getting a good divorce lawyer. Way beyond acceptable from him.

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE

Let him go & live with his mother.

Your MIL was being passive aggressive. Your DH is being a dick.

Have a nice time while everyone is at the wedding and you have your "me" time.

Send the kids dressed as though they are in Fagan's gang.

Banned from the wedding?

BANNED FROM THE WEDDING!!!!!!!

We'll see about that!

(Unless of course, you'd prefer NOT to go . . . but then you should ask the kids what they would prefer to do. With luck they'll say "We'll stay home with you and watch Spongebob Squarepants/ The Sopranos/Whatever")

Whatever

(As said on MN so many times before...)

You don't have a MIL problem - you have a DH problem.

Result! Let him sort out IL stuff with mommy. Make it a new beginning. Tell him when he gets in. You’ll do your side, he does his side, this includes presents clothes transport whatever, and you’ll do your own family events together.

I used to get a similar thing. We would arrive at MIL’s house for a family thing and she would announce that she could “stop worrying now” because we “looked ok”. I ignored her because she was projecting because SIL dresses like a hooker.

😂

Seriously, book something NOW for that day. If MIL is so into appearances, she’ll want you there playing happy families.

Do not go. Take everyone at their word.

The problem is that your MIL could have asked your DH whether the DC had “decent” clothes to wear to the wedding. By batting the question over to you either makes it sound like she thinks their clothes are solely your responsibility and not his or she was criticising the way you choose to dress your children and not him of course.

I do think the way you responded to him on the phone was wrong though and you let yourself down there. If he is going to be all high & mighty and take it upon himself to ban you from the wedding then there’s no way I’d be letting the children go with him.

she was projecting because SIL dresses like a hooker

Judgemental - not!

Ha ha just spat my coffee out dress them like fagan's gang
Ye think I have a spa day/long standing meet up with girls that day/weekend.
Sorry you'll be fine attending on your own won't you, of course MIL will be on hand to help you as always he he he

Your MIL and DH are being U.

If she actually said she thought the kids would look scruffy she's a rude cunt.
Your DH should have said 'Give over, Mum, we dress our kids, not you.'

And let him be the one to go with his mother and the kids to buy new clothes

I’m a bit surprised you wouldn’t have already planned what they were going to wear given it’s next week.

I’m also a bit surprised that your DH wouldn’t have been involved in that planning/discussion.

If you were waiting for MIL to offer then sure the answer is “that’s a kind offer, thank you”.

If you already have appropriate outfits for them surely the answer is “no thank you, we’ve got them something already”

I get that you don’t like your MIL but you were unnecessarily rude in my book.

As for your DH banning you for the wedding..? Words fail me.

How can your DH ban your from any wedding you have been invited to? If the bride and groom still want you there it's none of his business. He sounds a real prize

My MIL used to try to make me 'wear something of SIL's' if I was going out to any kind of family do, because my clothes apparently weren't up to scratch. (SIL is a lovely woman, but she's six inches taller than me and two sizes bigger). I remember leaving the house to go out once and MIL creeping up behind me and brushing me frantically with a clothes brush, she seemed to think that's a normal thing to do. Not in my world it isn't.

Tell him you've found something he can wear for the wedding, and then send him this

TBH I can't judge whether you have been unreasonable or not based on such small details.

However, all I can contribute is that I used to hate my MIL as we clashed right from the start, but she is so kind to my little one that over time I have learned to like her. I would advise not to say mean things about MIL to your kids though, even though I know you really really want to (I know how that feels). It just makes things so awkward for the kids and they feel sad, especially if they like/love her. They can pick up on feelings from the most ambiguous comment. All you'll do is make them feel sadness. That's not worth the outburst/rant.

Bet your mil buys them outfits then keep them at her house!!
Maybe she could buy all matching pantaloon trousers and have dh matching ones!!?

I’m not sticking up for your MIL at all, but sometimes different people have different standards.
I cringe seeing what my nieces wear sometimes. I know it’s not my problem, but other people comment on it and it makes me feel bad for the kids.
For example for the last wedding my brother and sister in law will let the girls choose what they want to wear.
Last wedding was a pink my little pony dress, paired with a red cardigan, some grey knee high school socks and jelly shoes 🤷‍♀️
My brother and SIL obviously think that they are clean and tidy and presentable and don’t notice anything else.
But when people comment that they may look a little odd in the photos then I feel really awkward.
Are you sure it’s not just that your styles or standards are different and your MIL is worried about what they’ll turn up in?