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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give 3yo DD her dummy back?

86 replies

Wecandothisthing · 01/07/2018 23:30

DD2 will be 4 in November. She's always been a great sleeper, but always had a dummy.

We tried to take it away at 7 months (like we did without a problem with DD1), but she changed from a baby that slept well to a very unsettled baby straight away. After a few nights, we gave in and gave it back.

We tried again aged 2. DD gave them to the dummy fairy, but sobbed and sobbed on and off all night for three nights and didn't nap. She normally sleeps 7pm-7am and has a 2 hour afternoon nap. She struggles without these sleeps. We had to call the dummy fairy to bring them back and explained she'd come back for them when DD's ready.

We're currently trying again. Last night was the first night. She happily gave the dummies away during the day (she's only allowed them for sleeping), but became distaught at bedtime. I was in and out with her until 2am, when I brought her into my room where she slept until 5:30am. She really copes badly with little sleep and has been grumpy all day. She didn't nap today.

Tonight is night two and DD keeps waking up to sob. I keep going to comfort her. She says "I just can't sleep without my dummies". You can even hear her sobbing when she's asleep.

It's going against all my intincts to let her be so upset (I am trying other methods to comfort her) and allowing her sleep to be so disrupted when I know I could easily fix it by giving the dummies back. On the other hand I'm wondering if there'll ever be an age when she easily gives them up. I think her top teeth are slightly pushed forward in a dummy shape.

Feeling crap, tired and conflicted right now. So, should I give the dummy back or persevere.

OP posts:
Ummmmgogo · 01/07/2018 23:32

persevere. braces are PAINFUL. it should get easier in a week or two surely? good luck x

kaytee87 · 01/07/2018 23:33

If she only has it for sleep then I don't think it's a big problem.
I had my dummy taken away at 4yo then sucked my thumb until I was 8!

daughterofanarchy · 01/07/2018 23:35

I don’t have any advice as my first never had a dummy and my second child does but she’s only four months old and so I haven’t had to take it away from her yet. But I didn’t want to read and run.
I would say persevere with not lettIng her have it. Maybe look at a reward/sticker chart for every night she manages without it? I’m sure someone will be along with some Good advice soon. Hope you get it sorted soon.

EB123 · 01/07/2018 23:36

I would persevere, it takes a few days to break a habit.

FreshEyre · 01/07/2018 23:37

It may not help but I put some quite big holes in DC's dummy. Suddenly it 'didn't work' anymore.

Justanothernap · 01/07/2018 23:39

My 3yo still has hers and we’re psyching up for the dummy fairy... but if it was going badly we’d cave I think. As people say she may just end up a thumb sucker. Could you let her have it at bedtime then nip in and remove it when she falls asleep and see if that provides a way forward...

Fluffyrainbows · 01/07/2018 23:40

2 of mine be had dummies and 3 sucked their thumbs. The thumb sucking lasted until 8/9/10. The dummies age 4. I would weaken I'm afraid as sleep is too important and there's no way your child will have a dummy at 8. With my eldest dummy sucker it was quite by chance he gave up at nearly 5, we went to visit family for the day and they invited us to stay over. We thought we couldn't because the dummy was back at the house. But ds really wanted to stay, so we said well there's no dummy and he said Fearne be 😮 When we went back we said, sorry buddy that's it you were fine! My ds couldn't cope with someone taking it and I think at that age you don't need silly stories. I'd just wait a bit until she's more on board? Starting school etc. My ds suddenly realised they were babyish.

Original poster
Wecandothisthing · 01/07/2018 23:40

Today she got a special letter from the dummy fairy saying how proud the fairy was of DD for finally letting her take the dummies to the new babies and how the new babies were happy.

We've been making a fuss of her today and she got to pick a treat.

She's really happy with the idea of giving them up, just struggles with the reality. She seems to be trying to sleep, but struggling.

OP posts:
cherish123 · 01/07/2018 23:41

Persevere. She is too old for a dummy.

Fluffyrainbows · 01/07/2018 23:41

*Fearne be? -ok fine....

CommanderDaisy · 01/07/2018 23:42

Keep going and throw the dummies out, so you haven't got the option of giving in.
It will take a week or so for her to get used to it.

Fluffyrainbows · 01/07/2018 23:43

The last 2 ds should be dd... bloody phone. She did break my heart a bit as she said her mouth didn't taste right and was so sad.

LankinMcElf · 01/07/2018 23:45

Stay strong! I know it’s heartbreaking but it really won’t take that long if you stick to your guns!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/07/2018 23:47

Give it back to her. She'll lash it when she's ready. My dd had her bottle for bed until she was nearly 8. No harm done.
Why make unnecessary complications.

Mammyloveswine · 01/07/2018 23:48

Neither of mine would take a dummy and neither suck thumbs either. At almost 4 she's old enough to not need a dummy and doesn't need a nap either! My 2.5 year old stopped napping around 20 months! Sleeps 6pm until 6.30am!

Don't give in, your dd will soon adapt. A very unmumsnetty hug for you tho as im.sure it's really hard

Mymycherrypie · 01/07/2018 23:49

Do it when you and she are ready and it will be easy. Don’t do it just because a gang of judgmental people tell you she’s too old, he mouth will be ruined for eternity or that they were so saintly that they didn’t ever give their child a dummy.

Mammyloveswine · 01/07/2018 23:51

By not needing a nap, i mean thr she'll cope without having one. Obv each child is different but maybe no nap will ensure shes tired enough to sleep without her dummy! I found this a good way to get ds1 to sleep without a bottle...

Mymycherrypie · 01/07/2018 23:51

Ha! Now she doesn’t need a nap either ^

NEWSFLASH Children are different.

Purplefrogshoes · 01/07/2018 23:52

I would give her it back, she will give it up herself eventually

happymummy12345 · 01/07/2018 23:53

I detest and despise them so I would say no. No child of mine would ever have an ugly piece of plastic shoved in their mouth. But each to their own. They're not needed though

FrozenMargarita17 · 01/07/2018 23:55

^Hmm

Sounds like you've made good headway with her OP, I hope it goes well.

Original poster
Wecandothisthing · 01/07/2018 23:56

DD1 didn't nap at 3.5, but DD2 seems to really need it. She starts asking for her nap before lunchtime. Has been known to take herself off to bed while I'm making lunch and is generally very grumpy without one. She still sleeps 12-13 hours at night so I figured she still needs it.

I've been in to her again since I last posted. She's back asleep, but is doing that thing where she sobs occasionally in her sleep.

I had my dummies until I was 4yo and did have to have braces.

OP posts:
EvilMorty · 01/07/2018 23:56

Omg some of the responses on here. It’s a dummy. Not crack. 😂

JumbleJamba · 02/07/2018 00:04

happymummy12345 have any of your children ever been in intensive care tho? Cos that's when my daughter first had a dummy.

OP dummies are fine, as are naps. I would give it back and let her give it up in her own time.

stayathomer · 02/07/2018 00:05

We had the same, ds said a few nights in a row' I don't sleep without my dummy' and I'd give it back. A few weeks ago he fell asleep without it then woke up crying. DH and I were in saying he was fine and he said 'but I've no dummy', I said 'you're a great big boy like your brothers'. He screamed the house down. DH said not to do it so I decided 'this is it.' We had six days of him not sleeping until really really late and I was at my wits end and then, day 7, sleep. Slept the whole night and I said it and he said 'of course, I'm a big boy!'I'll admit he's been sick since and I wished then he had it but I honestly never ever thought it would happen! Best of luck!

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