To give 3yo DD her dummy back?

[Wecandothisthing]

DD2 will be 4 in November. She's always been a great sleeper, but always had a dummy.

We tried to take it away at 7 months (like we did without a problem with DD1), but she changed from a baby that slept well to a very unsettled baby straight away. After a few nights, we gave in and gave it back.

We tried again aged 2. DD gave them to the dummy fairy, but sobbed and sobbed on and off all night for three nights and didn't nap. She normally sleeps 7pm-7am and has a 2 hour afternoon nap. She struggles without these sleeps. We had to call the dummy fairy to bring them back and explained she'd come back for them when DD's ready.

We're currently trying again. Last night was the first night. She happily gave the dummies away during the day (she's only allowed them for sleeping), but became distaught at bedtime. I was in and out with her until 2am, when I brought her into my room where she slept until 5:30am. She really copes badly with little sleep and has been grumpy all day. She didn't nap today.

Tonight is night two and DD keeps waking up to sob. I keep going to comfort her. She says "I just can't sleep without my dummies". You can even hear her sobbing when she's asleep.

It's going against all my intincts to let her be so upset (I am trying other methods to comfort her) and allowing her sleep to be so disrupted when I know I could easily fix it by giving the dummies back. On the other hand I'm wondering if there'll ever be an age when she easily gives them up. I think her top teeth are slightly pushed forward in a dummy shape.

Feeling crap, tired and conflicted right now. So, should I give the dummy back or persevere.

Don't worry OP. Much worse for the children to start sucking their thumb.

My friend who was a nanny recommends the quick and brutal method for dummy-dumping. It takes a few days for some to get used to it, but they do.

DD had one as a baby but not for that long. We've always encouraged her away from comfort items in the bed, because of the chaos that ensues when they aren't there. Not faffing about with dummies and blankies and teddies made bedtime a lot easier and less stressful.

Before anyone accuses me of smuggery, there was a downside to DD being an easy sleeper. She didn't crack night-time continence for a long time and she's still rubbish at getting up in the morning.

DD1 was told that when her last dummies went 'Yucky' she would ot be getting any more. She was 4. She only had them for sleep at that point, as had been the case for a long time. I just could not put myself or her through the trauma!

She decided they had gone 'Yucky' and put them in the bin herself, and never looked back. I think this was because she had decided, with no encouragement from us at that point.

DD2, we could see her teeth beginning to change shape. So, we decided the dummy fairy was coming. She also kept waking in the night, having lost her dummy, so it was defeating the object really. The dummy fairy came and even took the one from her mouth, as she was asleep in her buggy, having fallen asleep on the bus on the way home from nursery.

She got a game from the dummy fairy and when she went to bed, she found she had new fairy bedding too. She screamed non stop for one hour and five minutes when she woke and that was that.

To be honest, in your shoes, with a child so reliant on it, I would not take it away just yet

Thank you for all the replies. It has helped to hear from people who's DCs didn't just easily manage after giving the dummies to the dummy fairy.

If ever I discuss it in real life people always say "I just told them it was going to the dummy fairy/bought a treat in exchange and DC was fine". Always talking about when their DC we're younger than DD2.

I do think there's an element of being embarrased about having the oldest DC I know that still has a dummy, although no-one actually knows unless I mention it as she only has it to sleep.

I don’t see what the big fuss is about braces.

I had them, my eldest has them. There no issue and for such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things.

I was a thumb sucker and DS is currently breaking the habit (he’s 11) and I always appreciated a self-soothing baby.

I think I would have given the dummies back as well.

My DD had a dummy only at night (she didn't even take up the habit until she was 2 and her brother arrived and then there were dummies around the house and she wanted to be a baby and I allowed it for an easy life), and then the day after her 4th birthday I took her to the dentist and the first thing he said was "does she have a dummy?". So that was it, I had always said I couldn't care less about dummy use at night, it wasn't anyone's business but ours, as long as it didn't affect her teeth. And when I knew it was affecting her teeth, we stopped that nights. She was inconsolable for the first few nights and went from being an amazing sleeper from up lots in the night, but it resolved itself after a week, so I think it just took a very difficult week to break the habit.

Go see your dentist maybe - if her teeth are fine, leave it longer and see if she gives it up. If the dentist has concerns, then this is one of those things where you have to be cruel to be kind and take it away.

My 4 year old DD still has hers- only at bedtime. When I go in to check on her 80% of the time the dummy is out of her mouth/lying next to her. Most kids only need it to get them to sleep/reach out for it to sooth if they wake up. They will then pop it out mid sleep without even realising. So most of the time its not even in while she is sleeping, and not in the day. Really will not cause any huge issues (teeth included given the small amount of time they actually have it in their mouth while asleep) worth the stress of fully removing it, IMO.

I'd persevere. My nephew still had his at 6 and it caused speech and dental issues.

My eldest is nearly 4 and still has one, he has it at bed and (his words) to stop him feeling sad. His teeth are pretty straight (an achievement as both parents had braces and neither has dummies!), so to be honest, why rock the boat. I wouldn't force him to sleep without a teddy bear just because I decided he was 'too old'.

I don’t see what the big fuss is about braces $6000, jaw expanders, pain/sensitivity, regular appointments, retainers, etc, etc, My thumb sucker now has beautiful teeth, but so does the dummy user who didn’t have to have any of this.

DD had hers to get to sleep until she was just over 5. She would suck it during her story, then settle to sleep, and after a few moments it would just fall out of her mouth. So she was sucking it for about 20mins in total every night.
I think it was peer pressure from school friends that got her thinking about stopping it, she realised none of her friends still had a dummy and so she decided herself to stop, and she's never gone back to it.
Personally I think it's better when they make the decision to give it up themselves. The dummy calmed and soothed her, why would I take that away on some random date that I decided, and make her unsettled and upset? Her teeth are fine btw. I sucked my thumb and needed braces.