Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Daughters have seen dad's penis

97 replies

whattodoaboutthisincident · 29/06/2018 16:43

Posting for traffic and name changed.

More of a what would you do and not sure if this is an issue or not really but am a bit

My mum babysat last night and told me today that my two daughters who are 11 and 9 told her a "funny" story about their dad sitting on his willy. My first response was how on earth could he do that but she said they had both told her, using their hands to demonstrate, how big it was. As in holding their hands so far apart and saying, "It's this big!" They have grossly exaggerated that bit but I find it a bit odd that they have seen it because he was always so careful not to allow that to happen. We have been separated for many years now but right from them being babies he would ensure they never saw his genitals and even wore shorts if he had a bath with them. Due to that I'm a little worried that they are now older and have obviously seen it. I haven't been able to ask them about this as they are at his this weekend. I can't ask him about it as we are pretty much NC due to him being abusive to me both during our relationship and since we split up and he is a pathological liar.

Am I worrying for nothing (am a bit PMT ish at the moment) or should I be concerned and what would you do?

OP posts:

DuchyDuke · 29/06/2018 16:46

Of course it’s not an issue. You live with a man at some point you will see his willy, maybe the dad was wearing boxers in bed / round the house and they caught a glimpse? It’s not the end of the world. Chances are if it was something sinister they would have been told not to talk about it.

hannah1992 · 29/06/2018 16:48

How was he abusive to you? Was it physically?

In our house nothing is private. The kids will burst in the bathroom etc but they are only 2 and 7. I think once they get to 9 and 11 they will be embarrassed.

Only you know him and whether it was innocent or whether it could have been some kind of abuse that you’re worried about

flopsyandjim · 29/06/2018 16:48

First step would be to find out when they are back the circumstances in which they saw it - is he walking around naked? Is he sitting on the sofa naked? did they walk in on him?

You can then decide what to do based on what more they find out.

It does sound though that the girls aren't alarmed or distressed...so I'd lean towards the accidental exposure.

Charliebob1337 · 29/06/2018 16:49

I wouldn't worry too much. My parents separated when I was 10 and one weekend when I stayed with my dad, I passed him in the hallway after he'd just had a shower going back to his room and his towel accidently dropped. We were both horrified and embarrassed. If they are laughing about it I wouldn't worry too much, he's probably made a plonker of himself in front of them. It's if it happens again or there is a more sinister story next time.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 29/06/2018 16:50

it's fine, I am sure.
I saw my dad's willy by accident when I was about 12, and I have recovered from that completely. It was a dressing gown issue...

Noqont · 29/06/2018 16:51

In what way what he abusive?

cloudtree · 29/06/2018 16:51

I would be more shocked if they hadn't seen his penis

HorribleSinger · 29/06/2018 16:51

You need to speak to your daughters and ask what happened.
Don't jump the gun, it could be really innocent.

ILoveDolly · 29/06/2018 16:52

It is not weird or wrong to have occasionally seen your naked father

TheVanguardSix · 29/06/2018 16:52

I think they wouldn’t be so animated and open in their description of it if abuse were an issue, OP.
I wouldn’t make an issue of it unless you have other reasons for concern.

Greenday49 · 29/06/2018 16:52

Not an issue to me unless there's anything else afoot to this nature.
Willies are hilarious to kids for some reason, and is it definitely true? It's a part of the body. Are they old enough to know what it's for other than peeing out of?

Noqont · 29/06/2018 16:52

I would ask them without asking any leading questions.

Original poster

whattodoaboutthisincident · 29/06/2018 16:56

Thank you all!

He was abusive to me physically, emotionally, financially and sexually. More emotional than anything.

OP posts:

Grandmaswagsbag · 29/06/2018 16:57

I didn’t realise it was abnormal for kids to have seen their dads penis. My 3yo dd has a bath with dh regularly. That’s not weird is it? Are you worried about something more sinister?

ScrubTheDecks · 29/06/2018 16:58

By going to such ridiculous lengths to hide his genitals you have made them an object of interest and surprise.
I saw my my father naked quite often as a small child and then on naturist beaches when I was older, and was not the slightest bit interested, shocked, damaged or disturbed.

They were both together, they presented it as a 'funny story' - it doesn't sound sinister to me. They may have surprised him naked and he tucked it in and clamped his legs together, or something - 'sitting on it'.

ScrubTheDecks · 29/06/2018 16:59

(however, the context of his abuse of you might change things. In a healthy family this wouldn't worry me at all)

Original poster

whattodoaboutthisincident · 29/06/2018 17:02

@ScrubTheDecks it was HIM who kept them out of sight and made a thing of them NOT seeing them, not me.

OP posts:

Notlivestock · 29/06/2018 17:02

I don't think there is anything inherently suspicious or weird about them having seen their dad's willy, but because you mention he was sexually abusive I would definitely be more wary. Do you think there's any possibility it was in the course of abusive behaviour from him?

Your daughters seem to think it was just a funny one off incident which would reassure me, but I might see if they want to talk about it when they are home. And I would make sure they know about not keeping body secrets etc as well.

lastnightidreamtofpotatoes · 29/06/2018 17:02

Maybe because they never saw it growing up it seems like such a big deal? I never saw my dad's penis when my parents were together but my DF used to take me into the men's changing in swimming and I saw it quite casually there. I have very vivid memories of it, it was so long like the trunk of an elephant that it was dragging along the floor
I would bring it up lightheartedly when they return and say that you didn't know that their DF had special willy sitting powers. Gauge their reaction and see what else they say.

colditz · 29/06/2018 17:04

Has anyone NOT seen their dad's penis if he lived with them?

colditz · 29/06/2018 17:05

I certainly wouldn't worry about this, as they seem to find the whole thing funny and it's certainly not a shameful secret

PuddlesOfBud · 29/06/2018 17:13

It is not weird or wrong to have occasionally seen your naked father

People struggle with context.

It is weird and pitentially wrong if the father went out of his way to hide it when his wife was around but then showed them alone.

OP I would query it if possible. People are being naieve assuming all is well because they joked about it. Children aren't always aware of what is abuse or not

It is probably nothing but I would want to know the details.

ScrubTheDecks · 29/06/2018 17:15

OP - sorry, I meant a collective 'you the parents' - but fair enough if it was just him.

Did he ever say why?

abilockhart · 29/06/2018 17:18

He was abusive to me physically, emotionally, financially and sexually. More emotional than anything.

You know him and your intuition is telling you something is wrong.
Don't ignore it.

Nicknacky · 29/06/2018 17:19

puddles “showing” them his penis would be a cause for concern. But you are right , context is everything.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread