Daughters have seen dad's penis

[whattodoaboutthisincident]

Posting for traffic and name changed.

More of a what would you do and not sure if this is an issue or not really but am a bit

My mum babysat last night and told me today that my two daughters who are 11 and 9 told her a "funny" story about their dad sitting on his willy. My first response was how on earth could he do that but she said they had both told her, using their hands to demonstrate, how big it was. As in holding their hands so far apart and saying, "It's this big!" They have grossly exaggerated that bit but I find it a bit odd that they have seen it because he was always so careful not to allow that to happen. We have been separated for many years now but right from them being babies he would ensure they never saw his genitals and even wore shorts if he had a bath with them. Due to that I'm a little worried that they are now older and have obviously seen it. I haven't been able to ask them about this as they are at his this weekend. I can't ask him about it as we are pretty much NC due to him being abusive to me both during our relationship and since we split up and he is a pathological liar.

Am I worrying for nothing (am a bit PMT ish at the moment) or should I be concerned and what would you do?

Imsosceptical

This isn't about the wider societal issue of women feeling empowered to challenge the various levels of sexist and inappropriate behaviour, it's about a specific woman who is concerned that her previously prudish husband, who has a history of sexual abuse, has potentially engineered a situation in which his preteen daughters have seen his penis.

Your claims that you would single-handedly have the power to deny an ex access to your children and enjoy the full support of the judicial system is woefully naive at best and willfully disingenuous at worst. Perhaps your thoughts on the power of women (irony meter overload) would be better placed on a more speculative thread rather than making this one all about your personal crusade to deny women the right to complain about sexual abuse unless you deem it sufficiently traumatising.

DD is 11, and, at various times, will have seen me naked. These days I endevour to ensure that is unlikely, as she does me - but sometimes unavoidable - eg changing for swimming where she is worried about doing locks on her own etc.

Agree with PP, it is about context.

Wtf have I just read on this thread. With some reactions, it’s ok for girls to see father naked occasionally.. young girls bathing with their naked fathers.. it’s not abnormal to see your fathers privates. ERMMM YES that is wrong on every level. Or may I am just a prude and old fashioned?? There is plenty of time for kids to learn what they need to about the opposite sex, especially girls.
As an accident it’s completely understandable but not as a casual or normal situation/routine. I would class that as some kind of sexual fantasy or grooming. Not offending those who have commented it’s the norm for them, seriously each to their own.
OP going back to your concerns now I would explore this further with the girls without interrogating them. Abuse almost never happens in one go, mostly it’s a slow grooming process, making it casual and relaxed so as not to scare the kid, i strongly feel you need to follow up with the girls after each visit!!
Hopefully it’s nothing and was a one off if it did occur, but as your daughters trust him, they will naturally not sense anything dangerous from it and are at risk. If he has a controlling and abusive past with you, he may see the girls as an extension of you. It’s scary but it does happen.

Would a detailed account of the abuse my ex dished out stop me being accused of lying @BishopBrennansArse ? I not even going to respond to the obvious troll. I don't have to justify my thread or give details of the abuse.

Thank you to those who have responded thoughtfully and kindly. I'll be chatting to my daughters and have checked out the link for the kids safety programme. I'm beginning to hate MN and the nasty posters who spoil it for those of us who use/need it for advice. It's no wonder women are reluctant to report abuse and minimise things that happen to others. I'll be de-registering my account.

Lol. Me an obvious troll. That's really funny.

@BishopBrennansArse no, not you. I'm not even deigning to say their name.

There are ways to reply to this without recounting tales that less savoury individuals (and sadly there have been some nasty fetishist trolls here over the years), though.

Bishop is quite Right, sadly.

Not sure where the random capitalisation came from

Are you sure they've seen it?
My DH has sat on his bits a few times, usually wearing shorts but no boxers and jumps up shouting (would be funny if it didn't hurt him). Doesn't mean his bits were out.

Definitely young girls should not bathe with their father's. Whoever thought that was a good idea 😳

Thank you to those who were supportive. Leaving this now.

I saw my Dad naked all the time as a kid and my husband walks around naked at home now getting out of the shower or changing. My kids are boys, I don’t cover up if they walk in and they don’t even notice. When I was little I just thought people have bodies and my Dad’s is different than my Mums. Nudity is not inherently sexual. It has never occurred me to me that this is inappropriate. I

But Brits are quite prudish about naked bodies compared to other countries (Japanese, Swedish that I can think of) so obviously you'll have a range of answers.

I don't think there's anything wrong normally, but I'd be very weary in your case.

Make sure your girls are familiar with PANTS etc

I grew up in a household where the bathroom door was always opened/unlocked. Dad would bath and we’d go in and use the loo. This stayed this way from childhood up to when I moved out at 21. Ok, a little strange it’s changed but it sounds innocent. I’d just ask them about it when they get home.

We have no issue with nudity in our household and never have. I can’t imagine how children grow up not having seen their parents undressed.

However, if you know he has been sexually abusive previously then maybe just check out that the girls are comfortable with the situation.

Wow. I grow up seeing my dad and mum (less so) nakid every day. My dad used to have a shower after work and in a small house if you came out whilst he was going to the shower you saw him nakid. I think my friends pretty much saw him at different times. Its life and normal. Nothing sexual at all, just my dad goimg to the shower.

He couldn’t cover up even if he knew your friends were visiting? Um okaaay...

@UnicornMummy27 I showered with my 5 year old DS today, tbh sometimes the only way to get him to wash is for me to get in the shower and suddenly he decides he will have one after all! Not sure why that would be a problem - or more of a problem with a DF and DD.

As for plenty of time for the6n to learn about the opposite sex, keeping them ignorant does not mean you're keeping them safe - quite possibly the opposite.

I grew up seeing my parents naked and my kids have seen me and DH naked many times. My daughter bathed with her dad nail she was about 8 and my son still does. Utterly normal and not at all sexual - doors are open, we all pop in and out. I find it far more odd that parents hide their bodies from their children.

right from them being babies he would ensure they never saw his genitals and even wore shorts if he had a bath with them

It's not whether they saw his willy or not that I find odd but that his policy has clearly shifted so much from the loony tunes level of paranoia in the above quote. I wonder why he would change his mind on what seems to be such a moral issue..