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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is the teacher?

102 replies

JustVent · 20/06/2018 08:10

I expect it’s me. So any advice would be great.
It’s a very simple but ongoing and frustrating issue - School books.
DS, just turned 7, year 2 has not bought a new book home in months.
We write in his diary “please can DS have some new books.”

The teacher writes back
“We remind DS to get new books.”

We have new books. This goes on and and on and on. Still no new books.

He swears blind that no-one has reminded him Hmm.
And DH and I are in full time work so have to use a childminder. The childminder drops several children off in the morning some of which are reception age so she has to stay with them but DS can go in by himself. By pick up time she has up to 8 children with her and there’s no way I can expect her to leave them all to go in and get books. Or worse still, drag them through the hoards of people to get books.

The teacher knows we don’t drop off or collect.

I say, why can’t the teacher tell DS to go and get books and come back and physically show her that he’s done it or see with her eyes that he’s put them in his bag.
She doesn’t even need to get out her chair.
Yes there’s 30 kids, but there’s TA’s and parental help.

I feel like the teacher is being difficult. No doubt the teacher feels that we are being difficult, and DS is certainly being a little difficult but “not hearing” Hmm the reminders.
Every day I remind him as well, I must add.

OP posts:
Labradoodliedoodoo · 20/06/2018 08:15

Can you give your son an incentive. FOr every book he gets ?

fourcorneredcircle · 20/06/2018 08:15

YABU. Sorry. Chances are they are reminding the whole class and for whatever reason he isn’t doing it. She’s probably too busy to sit in her chair anyway Grin and as a teacher trying to control a classroom ensuring that Johnny has new books (as well as teach, sort out behaviour and complete records and marking).

Get some books yourself? Amazon, the works etc. Are open weekends and online. Library is more problematic because of working accept.

Jumble sales, toy sales etc always have lots of books too.

BarbarianMum · 20/06/2018 08:16

Try punishing him. I suspect he'll start "remembering" quite quickly.

Ds2 had a period of "forgetting" to bring spellings home. After about the 3rd occasion we started making up spelling lusts for him - only ours had 20 words on, not 10. His memory improved very quickly after that.

LittleCandle · 20/06/2018 08:18

Are these school reading books, or books for reading for pleasure? What are the consequences for your DS if he 'forgets' to bring books home? If there are none, then why should he bother? Made him read to you each night from one of your own books. The teacher has more than enough to do without policing your DS's avoidance of reading, unless he is not bringing home his school reading book. In that case, it is her job to make him do it. If he is being 'a little difficult in not hearing', then you need to take action to make him hear.

'Reminding' your child is clearly not working, so you need to tell him. You need to make some time, once in a while, to do pick ups (take some annual leave for a day, so you can do this?) and make him get a book. The teacher is doing what she can, but as you say, she has 30 kids in her class and by year 2, your son should be doing what he is told, when he is told to do it. You need to police this, too.

Tanaqui · 20/06/2018 08:19

End of year 2? Old enough to do it himself unless he has any SN?

Original poster
JustVent · 20/06/2018 08:22

Yes he’s old enough to do it himself, obviously. Otherwise the teacher and I wouldn’t be asking him to do it himself, would we? Did special needs really have to be asked? Really? Hmm

Did someone really suggest taking time off work for this? That’s so funny? I needed a giggle, thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
JustVent · 20/06/2018 08:23

BarbarianMum I think you might be right!

OP posts:
SideOrderofSprouts · 20/06/2018 08:23

He is due to move up to ks2 so is expected to remember himself.

So yes I think yabu really.

Original poster
JustVent · 20/06/2018 08:24

fourcorneredcircle we have tones of books, the ones that are appropriate for him at this point have all been read. Most of them now and too old or too young for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustVent · 20/06/2018 08:25

Thanks for the advice Sideorder that really helped. GrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 20/06/2018 08:26

Pin a label to his jumper saying 'get new books today' that he is only allowed to remove when he has the books?
(Plus get him to get 4 books at a time).

Original poster
JustVent · 20/06/2018 08:29

That’s a bloody good idea. I could pin in to his book bag though!
You’re a bloody genius thank you!

OP posts:
RoseanneBarred · 20/06/2018 08:29

Does he choose to read at home? You can buy most reading schemes if that would make it easier for you to see what he is reading.

Boredandtired · 20/06/2018 08:29

Sounds like your childminder is overstretching herself (8 kids?) and I think this is her responsibility as the carer of your child. As your child comes out she should remind him and he can pop back in and change it, we do this regularly. They often forget and there's never an issue with popping in at the end of the day. As you are unable to it should be the person who collects.

Bellabutterfly2016 · 20/06/2018 08:33

Could you leave work early one day and tell your childminder you'll pick up on that day and go and get some books and make a point to the teacher you've had to come out of work to do this specifically- I think that's what I'd do.

CurrentCurrant · 20/06/2018 08:33

I’ve taught yr 2 and managed yr 2 teachers.... sorry but not all classroom organisation is equal.

In some teachers classes not taking a book home means wilfully hiding it, in other classes taking a book home shows an amazing level of independence and the ability to skip out a room unseen!

I’m a bit surprised they can’t for a few goes supervise him if he hasn’t for months! Some kids need a lot of support, if your classroom is at the point you can’t do this it’s a worry. I used to have six names a day I checked during afternoon tidy up time that came to me and showed books and put them in bags in front of me. So everyone definitely changes them once and week and also during reading with 1:1 (if needed) or guided reading groups I’d keep an overview AND we went to the school library weekly. Some classes I had parent helpers doing this which was even easier.

We’ve had teachers though in a permanent flap generally or just damn awkward where this has been an issue.

If he really hasn’t for months, I’m mean, I would copy the correspondence to their line manager and ask for a way forward as you seem in a deadlock. Chances are he’ll manage with incentives/ disincentives at home just fine once he’s done it a few times. Months in and only year two there’s a fair chance he’s forgotten where the books are, in a group without time to go get or something else. Maybe he just still sits in his seat a lot worried to do the right thing and isn’t getting up to get them, loads do at that age. Little boys can be far sillier in packs! Plus he’s young for his class.

CurrentCurrant · 20/06/2018 08:35

As to the point about ks2, yes he will need to remember, all the reason for a tiny bit of support in getting it right now! We are talking about barely a minute a day. All children are entitled to a little bit of focus of them occasionally when it’s needed. They are not small robots who all just do what they ‘should’ at exactly the right time.

Bibesia · 20/06/2018 08:37

Does your childminder really look after 8 children? Is that legal?

Heratnumber7 · 20/06/2018 08:44

I wouldn't use a CM that was looking after 8 kids, partly because she can't give each one the attention they need - eg in this example.

But that's missing the point.

DD1 never brought school books home. We found out eventually that she wasn't forgetting. She thought they were boring and too easy.

Join a library if you can't afford to replace the books you have at home, and forget about school books.

Missingstreetlife · 20/06/2018 08:47

Can't you get him more books. It used to be a regular thing for us to go to the library every week, after swimming before shopping.

Juells · 20/06/2018 08:48

@TeenTimesTwo

Pin a label to his jumper saying 'get new books today' that he is only allowed to remove when he has the books?

A pinned label can be removed. I'd sew it on.

ICantCopeAnymore · 20/06/2018 08:53

YABU.

Cuttingthegrass · 20/06/2018 08:58

Why don't you sell the books at home that he's read and buy new/ used ones from Amazon or go to the library Saturday morning.

Cuttingthegrass · 20/06/2018 08:59

Or visit a charity shop and give the books that he's read and buy different ones

Bumble1830 · 20/06/2018 09:02

As a parent, it is up to you to ensure he's getting what he needs, in this instance a book. If you are concerned he isn't getting a new book regularly enough then it's down to you to fix it. Maybe buy new books that are age/ability appropriate and keep them at home, you can have a look online I'm sure, if you are unable to go into town. Could the CM hang around till its a little quieter after school, then, she could maybe go in the class with DS to help him change his book?