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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to go home ?

117 replies

Shaz1410 · 30/05/2018 15:45

Husband of 12 years, refusing to share the household responsibilities and children’s homework. He says he will do whatever he feels like whenever he feels like, I have had enough of this as this always turns out that I’m doing way more than him and I’m always exhausted! I have told him he needs to have some responsibility but he refused and said whenever I tell him to do something he will try and do it but would not have a responsibility of any household chores. AIBU is not going home ? I need we need time to ourselves to think.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/05/2018 15:49

Urgh. What a pompous arse of a man. Why shouldn't he share household responsibilities and education of HIS CHILDREN?

I would be seriously thinking about divorce. I know it's easy for me to say, but do you really want this for the rest of your life? Do you want your kids to grow up thinking this is how women should be treated - as skivvies?

scurryfunge · 30/05/2018 15:50

You certainly need to discuss your future together. Are you both working? What's his justification?

Shoxfordian · 30/05/2018 15:53

We would all like to do whatever we like whenever we like but it's not possible if you have children and responsibilities.
Do you really need this manchild in your life?

Racecardriver · 30/05/2018 15:54

I would just go check in to a nice hitel for a few days then tell him that if he doesn't shape up it will be permenant.

Original poster
Shaz1410 · 30/05/2018 15:56

Scurry - yes both working, his excuse his he forgets and needs reminding and more over he’s 5 years older than me (45) and doesn’t have as much energy as me. He has energy for his gaming , tv and any other things that interest him.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 30/05/2018 15:58

Yeah fuck that, are you his partner or his servant?

BewareOfDragons · 30/05/2018 15:59

Appalling attitude by your DH. So everything is 'your' job unless he deigns to do it? Fuck that.

And you don't want your children growing up thinking that behaviour and attitude is ok, either. You don't want your sons treating women like this, and you don't want your daughters thinking they deserve to be treated like this. Your husband is an asshole for modelling this.

I would seriously consider ending the marriage over this. It's beyond wrong. Tell him you will if he doesn't step up and do HIS share. He won't be 'pitching in' or 'helping you out', he'll be doing HIS share.

Longdistance · 30/05/2018 15:59

Sell his gaming shit and get a cleaner.

Original poster
Shaz1410 · 30/05/2018 16:12

At the moment he claims we are not on talking terms as yesterday during the argument I got really upset and chucked my handbag on the bed where he was sitting but it did not hit him or nor was it in his direction, yes I know it was wrong but he was continuously provoking me, making up ridiculous excuses and mimicking me. Now he says until I apologise for my violent behaviour he will not talk to me.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 30/05/2018 16:12

What a tosser.

I'd stay away until it became apparent to him that, if he were living on his own, he wouldn't be able to just 'do whatever he feels like whenever he feels like' if he wanted to eat/have clean clothes/whatever.

Original poster
Shaz1410 · 30/05/2018 16:14

I just don’t get this we will all pitch in to help you on the weekend, why is it just my responsibility why everyone makes out they’re doing a favour on me when they do any household chore. I feel I have left it for too long to sort his behaviour out.

OP posts:
Puttingthefootdown · 30/05/2018 16:16

Book into a hotel.

lanbro · 30/05/2018 16:17

I left my responsibility shy manchild, never looked back...

mydietstartsmonday · 30/05/2018 16:18

Yes take a week off work and leave your husband and kids to it and go away.

Knittedfairies · 30/05/2018 16:19

Tell him you ‘don’t feel like’ doing any of the household tasks that makes his life easier/better... like feeding him, or making sure he has a clean shirt for starters. By not talking to you he is demonstrating he is unwilling to discuss the core issue - that he is a lazy so-and-so.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 30/05/2018 16:21

Tell him you'll do whatever you feel like, whenever you feel like it. And right now you feel like filing for divorce.

Seriously, he sounds a very unattractive proposition, won't pull his weight - in fact actually makes a point of NOT pulling his weight - he has all the time and energy he needs to do his own stuff, and on top of that he's a sulker.

You might have put up with this before, you might feel you've left it too late to change him. But you can change your own situation. I'd be thinking carefully about what the future might look like, and start making plans to get out.

MissVanjie · 30/05/2018 16:23

Honestly, the way this is going, he is going to end up having to cook his own tea, wash his own clothes and clean his own mess 100% of the time, and parent his children alone every other weekend.

Sometimes that’s the only way they ever ‘get’ it unfortunately

It’s about respect, and you can’t force someone to respect you, or argue or persuade or bribe or cajole them into it

kateandme · 30/05/2018 16:25

does he love you.you him.how can someone love someone and treat them like this?
are we only hearing a snippet of him and the 90% of th time hes amazing because if not I don't know how you can want to be with him

Trinity66 · 30/05/2018 16:26

I just don’t get this we will all pitch in to help you on the weekend

oh my god, steam would come from my ears to help YOU??? did you call him out on that, why is it your job and when they do stuff they're helping you...not just helping to run the house they live in?

supersop60 · 30/05/2018 16:30

Well YWDNBU to stay away for as long as you need to. if you go home, absolutely do nothing for him - no cooking, no washing, no cleaning. Then have a think about what contribution he is making to your life - it sounds like you are doing everything yourself any way.

Dowser · 30/05/2018 16:30

I would reduce tenants rent to half as a thank you for allowing viewings but then I am a good landlord
Haven’t put the rent up in 5 years and I let them do whatever they like

Suggest it to your landlord

Dowser · 30/05/2018 16:30

Oops wrong thread

Singlenotsingle · 30/05/2018 16:32

Seriously, several people have suggested you book into a hotel. I would book myself a nice little holiday and only tell him as you leave the house with your suitcase. Aged 45 and he's not got enough energy!!! Unbelievable!

Original poster
Shaz1410 · 30/05/2018 16:37

Unfortunately I would not be able to take time off work and can’t afford to stay in a nice hotel, it will be either sleeping in my car or some cheap hotel.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 30/05/2018 16:39

Unfortunately I would not be able to take time off work and can’t afford to stay in a nice hotel, it will be either sleeping in my car or some cheap hotel.

I would go home and tell him that if he doesn't start pulling his weight that you're leaving him

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