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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's invited someone I can't stand

101 replies

brokenglam · 26/05/2018 09:27

Going to the cinema tonight with a friend. I'm driving us both and have messaged this morning about picking her up. She's replied saying that Sarah is also now coming. There was no mention of Sarah coming before and I can't stand her. Her child has always had a hold over mine, leads him astray, teaches him swear words, tells him he's a best friend then an enemy. I don't want *Sarah coming on our night out and I def don't want her in my car. She's so patronising and generally a person I'll say hi in passing to but always try and stay away from. Very annoyed. Original friend I don't see that often and obvs doesn't know any of my issues with Sarah. What can I do??!! AIBU to not want her in my car and invading my night out.

OP posts:
NumbersLetters · 26/05/2018 09:30

Hmm. You could say outright that you don't want to go with her and that therefore you are postponing your night out with friend?

Aprilmightbemynewname · 26/05/2018 09:32

Just pull out and wish them a lovely evening.

Whisky2014 · 26/05/2018 09:32

Just tell the truth. Not a fan of sarah and don't fancy spending evening with her so just go themselves without you.

FriendlyOcelot · 26/05/2018 09:33

Agree; stand your ground op and don’t drive them anywhere!

BillywilliamV · 26/05/2018 09:36

Its only the cinema, you dont have to talk to her. Your issues seem more with her kid tbh, why not give her s chance. Also the original friend will be able to see you together and advise whether your dislike is justified. She obviously likes you both.
Sometimes people who feel patronised are actually just being a little defensive.

Returnofthesmileybar · 26/05/2018 09:48

"Ah right ok, didn't realise there was a change of plan, I'll leave you too it and you and I can catch up another time, enjoy"

That's what I'd do, inviting someone else along, especially knowing you don't like her would annoy me though and I'd be making it clear so it didn't happen again

sonjadog · 26/05/2018 09:51

Tell her that you don't like Sarah and don't want to spend an evening with her and that you'll catch up another time.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 26/05/2018 09:51

Don't be the free ride to a night you won't enjoy. ...

Monny1 · 26/05/2018 09:56

Another here saying, don’t go and leave them to to it.

EleanorHooverbelt · 26/05/2018 10:01

This will keep happening I suppose until original friend is made aware of your issues with Sarah. Perhaps you could pull out of trip and explain why. That will make things a lot clearer going forward so the same thing won't happen again.

happypoobum · 26/05/2018 10:01

Just tell friend you don't like Sarah and ask why she invited a third person without asking you. It's quite an odd thing for her to do.

NoSquirrels · 26/05/2018 10:03

"OK - I'll see you both at the cinema then if Sarah is giving you a lift."
or
"I wish you'd mentioned it before! I was looking forward to catching up just us. See you at the cinema."
or
"I really don't get on with Sarah - you two go and we can catch up another time."
or
make arrangements as usual and then pull out at 6pm (sudden illness).

But I agree with a PP who says it's just the cinema, you can still enjoy the film, and then just mention to your friend later that you wish she'd told you before because you're not Sarah's biggest fan.

TERFragetteCity · 26/05/2018 10:03

'Aah ok. Never mind, i'll see you another time. Have fun'.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 26/05/2018 10:05

No texts, this is one for a quick chat (phone) so you can keep it light, but stand your ground.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 26/05/2018 10:08

Maybe just a film this time but if you accept Sarah now she will be the third wheel next time it's a meal out /similar.

pigsDOfly · 26/05/2018 10:12

I'd pull out too and let your friend know why.

Also I think it's a bit cheeky just to invite someone else along when it's you doing the driving for everyone.

SeaCabbage · 26/05/2018 10:14

Yes phone your friend and say this isn't the night out that was arranged. She changed it. So she can unchange it.

Otherwise I wouldn't go if I were you.

ellaV · 26/05/2018 10:16

Oh I hate that, for different reasons though... my best friend always invites her mummy school friends who bore the hell out of me, and sip two cocktails to be 'naughty' on a Thursday evening out.
Politely tell your friend that you don't think you quite have the 'social energy' for other people than your own close friends? Xx

CopONNotLinkedIn · 26/05/2018 10:16

don't mention sarah specifically just reply ''im going to postpone, we'll catch up another time''

Peterrabbitscarrots · 26/05/2018 10:19

My friend used to do this except it was her ex instead of a Sarah. I could t stand him and would reply “oh, I thought it was just us two, never mind, have a great day and I’ll see you another time.” She got the message.

mummmy2017 · 26/05/2018 10:20

Tell your friend the truth.
And that having a third person changes the evening so you will bow out

PastaOfMuppets · 26/05/2018 10:28

This situation sucks a bit, because you know you'll be the bitch if you now say something about Sarah or choose not to go. In being unthinkingly inconsiderate, your friend has put you in a very unenviable situation. I hope she is apologetic when you explain why you now no longer want to go out tonight, and doesn't get angry at you. Good luck.

YoThePussy · 26/05/2018 10:35

Yes another saying pull out of this evening. Why should you drive someone you don’t like anywhere. Of course if Sarah is offering to pay for you might be different.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 26/05/2018 10:38

"Sarah?! Fuck no, she's an awful cunt!"
Obviously not, I'd either say I was looking forward to our night out. Or make an excuse (Being the coward that I am)

RainySeptember · 26/05/2018 10:43

This is one of those posts where I realise how incredibly out of tune with everyone else I am.

Because I would consider this an opportunity to get to know someone I'd only previously said 'hi' to, and go along anyway.

Afterwards, if she was as awful as I'd feared, I'd tell my friend not to invite her again but yes I would give her that one chance.