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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

She's invited someone I can't stand

101 replies

brokenglam · 26/05/2018 09:27

Going to the cinema tonight with a friend. I'm driving us both and have messaged this morning about picking her up. She's replied saying that Sarah is also now coming. There was no mention of Sarah coming before and I can't stand her. Her child has always had a hold over mine, leads him astray, teaches him swear words, tells him he's a best friend then an enemy. I don't want *Sarah coming on our night out and I def don't want her in my car. She's so patronising and generally a person I'll say hi in passing to but always try and stay away from. Very annoyed. Original friend I don't see that often and obvs doesn't know any of my issues with Sarah. What can I do??!! AIBU to not want her in my car and invading my night out.

OP posts:

Jux · 26/05/2018 12:28

I don't think it was particularly rude to invite another person to a casual evening out seeing a film. The problem has arisen because op has never said to OF that she really doesn't like Sarah at all. That's no one's fault but is unfortunate.

Rign your friend and say that you're not keen on Sarah and would rather not spend time with her so you'll either see the pair of them at the cinema or that you'd rather see OF another time. Then keave it in her hands and see what she says.

ilovesooty · 26/05/2018 12:35

What a load of passive aggressive bollocks on here.
I can't understand why you don't just phone your friend and make the situation clear.

ChinkChink · 26/05/2018 12:44

Let's just for a moment put the kindest interpretation on this. Suppose friend mentioned going to see this film and Sarah invited herself along. Friend feels awkward saying no and not knowing the problem with OP took the line of least resistance and allowed it.

Friend fucked up, but now needs a graceful way to get out of the arrangement with Sarah without dropping OP in it, as OP clearly doesn't want to have to address the issues, which is her choice and fine.

Avoiding a lie, I suppose friend could say to Sarah, 'Sorry, cinema trip plans have changed. Let's do it another time.'

WinnersClub · 26/05/2018 12:49

OP could simply be paraphrasing when she typed, ‘I’m not happy driving Sarah’, I don’t think that means, that’s what she said literally.

egginacup · 26/05/2018 12:50

For Gods sake, you’re all adults! It doesn’t sound like this Sarah has done anything awful to you, you haven’t had a big falling out, she just rubs you up the wrong way. So she and your friend are probably oblivious to the fact that you don’t like her.

I’d just go along- it’s not ideal but it’s rather petty and immature to pull out because you don’t like someone. And next time make it clear to your it friend you would rather just be the two of you.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 26/05/2018 12:50

Is your friend maybe trying to build bridges between you and Sarah?

I’d go, I’d suck up my preconceptions and try to go with an open mind. I’d be civil and hope that I got to know a whole new side of Sarah.

bakingdemon · 26/05/2018 13:01

"I was really looking forward to just the two of us hanging out and I don't really have the energy to deal with Sarah tonight. Let's you and me reschedule for next week."

Jaxhog · 26/05/2018 13:02

I'd say more than you won't drive Sarah. Phone your friend now, and say you don't get on, so you don't want a night out with Sarah.

Actually, it IS rude to invite someone else along. She should have asked you if she could invite Sarah to go too.

BewareOfDragons · 26/05/2018 13:14

Well, if Sarah didn't know you didn't like her before, she does now.

You've just put your friend in an awkward position without explanation. I can't see how that works, tbh. You either need to tell her you were looking forward to seeing just her (for whatever reason) or that you don't get on with Sarah and why. It's trickier to just say you don't want to drive her with no explanation...

Good luck. No advice for you at this stage. I imagine friend is consulting with Sarah over your 'mysterious' response.

RainySeptember · 26/05/2018 15:10

I feel a bit sorry for your friend, who wouldn't have thought twice about inviting an extra person on a night out. There are always extras on our nights out, the more the merrier. And you've never told her that you don't like Sarah, so it wouldn't have occurred to her.

I also feel a bit sorry for Sarah, who is obviously unaware the op doesn't like her or her child, but is about to find that out when she's uninvited.

It all seems unnecessarily unkind to me. Her only crime is 'being a bit patronising' isn't it? Not allowing her in the car sounds so petty and childish. Just go with an open mind, and never do it again if it's awful.

HagueBlue2018 · 26/05/2018 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 26/05/2018 20:11

What was the outcome op?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 26/05/2018 20:44

I don't know what you're expecting your friend to do after that text, OP. She's still in the dark as you haven't given an explanation. Are you expecting her to ring Sarah and tell her that she doesn't know why but you've decided you don't want her in your car so she needs to make her own way there? Or are you expecting her to uninvite Sarah altogether without giving her a reason? It all seems so childish.

Original poster

brokenglam · 27/05/2018 00:09

Bloody hell, that a lot of replies. I was paraphrasing, I didn't specifically just say I don't want to drive her. She lives about 6 miles away from us so I said I wasn't happy driving the extra 12 mile round trip to get pick up drop off,also I didn't have enough time to get there after ds's dinner as its opposite direction.

Didn't hear anything after text but when I arrived to pick up friend, Sarah was at her house. Chatted a bit awkwardly as didn't know if she knew, then she got in her car and drove home. Friend said she hadn't told her but Sarah had decided to not come as early start in morning. More sure if really hadn't told her. But either way great night with no Sarah.

OP posts:

Gemini69 · 27/05/2018 10:41

oh dear... I suspect everyone knew ... she likely stayed to prove a point

Jux · 28/05/2018 01:18

Yeah, I reckon they all knew. Still, glad you had a good night.

Italiangreyhound · 28/05/2018 01:59

What did you see?

Whitesea · 28/05/2018 02:22

It sounded a bit petty to say you didn't want to give Sarah a lift. Maybe have a chat with your friend and tell her the real reason so you won't have to make an excuse again. As the three of you know each other and your children know each other, explain the situation to your mutual friend to avoid further embarrassment.

A friend of mine often does this and it is irritating. Not because I don't get on with who she invites but because in the past, prior to meeting her as arranged, I unfailingly looked forward to eating dinner in a restaurant and having a good catch up, only to find a stranger there when I arrived. This happened so often I presumed my friend 'needed' someone else there as my company must have been so boring. Years and years later, she continues to do it to many friends. Ironically she gets annoyed if one friend brings her (long term) boyfriend as she doesn't want him there and says he wasn't invited!

flumpybear · 28/05/2018 02:53

She's got her own car and wasn't going to drive, but make u do a 24 mile journey ferrying her about - i think not!

Pengggwn · 28/05/2018 05:20

Problem is, you've made Sarah look like the nice one and yourself look like a tight arse (with time and petrol). It would have been far better to tell your friend you don't like Sarah very much and would have joined her next time.

I'm not sure I agree it was rude of her to ask Sarah to start with. It was rude of her to offer Sarah a lift with you, though.

AlonsoTigerHeart · 28/05/2018 05:26

Why wouldn’t you tell your freind the truth...odd friendship

SM2132 · 28/05/2018 08:03

I have been the person in the middle lots of times (ie- not you or Sarah). It isn't as simple as your friend inviting her along. Your friend may have mentioned she was going to the cinema and Sarah might have said 'I fancy seeing that film, do you mind if I come along?'. If your friend didn't know you had an issue with her why would she say no?.
I had a friend who seemed to hate everyone (apart from me) but nobody knew and I wasn't allowed to tell them so I had to lie if we had plans and another friend asked what I was upto in case they wanted to come (these were in our younger days when everyone used to go to the pub together. I know it's not the same thing exactly, but it is awkward being the one in the middle too!

RainySeptember · 28/05/2018 09:01

I don't think she was cheeky saying that op would give Sarah a lift too.

Surely she meant Sarah would be at her own house, so that op could pick them up together, drop them off together afterwards, rather than do a 12mile round trip to Sarah's house?

It looks to me like she had plans with Sarah earlier in the day, knew Sarah would still be at her house when op arrived, thought op wouldn't mind picking up an extra person, thought it was nicer to invite Sarah than kick her out when op arrived.

I wonder whether op doesn't like Sarah because her friend does.

TheClitterati · 28/05/2018 09:10

It's really ok Not to like people.

Surely the whole point of friendships is you have relationships with people you can be yourself around? Why all the song and dance with a friend? Surely with a friend you do say something to the effect of "Sarah, fuck no, spare me" and your friend sees Sarah when she's not seeing you.

It's pretty simple no?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/05/2018 12:08

Op has fully explained why she doesn't get on with Sarah and it's bollocks all to do with the friend, and everything to do with their children - it's all right there in the op, for goodness' sake!

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