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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

She's invited someone I can't stand

101 replies

brokenglam · 26/05/2018 09:27

Going to the cinema tonight with a friend. I'm driving us both and have messaged this morning about picking her up. She's replied saying that Sarah is also now coming. There was no mention of Sarah coming before and I can't stand her. Her child has always had a hold over mine, leads him astray, teaches him swear words, tells him he's a best friend then an enemy. I don't want *Sarah coming on our night out and I def don't want her in my car. She's so patronising and generally a person I'll say hi in passing to but always try and stay away from. Very annoyed. Original friend I don't see that often and obvs doesn't know any of my issues with Sarah. What can I do??!! AIBU to not want her in my car and invading my night out.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 26/05/2018 10:43

I'd say something has come up and you can't go out anymore. A friend of mine did something similar recently...except I didn't know the friend she brought along and she didn't mention it until we were 5 minutes from the venue.

Her friend was lovely...but I wouldn't have done that.

MrsHappyAndMrCool · 26/05/2018 10:44

YANBU

I think you should just tell the truth.

FairyMcHairy · 26/05/2018 10:44

I'm with rainyseptember. It sounds like you don't actually know Sarah that well and the biggest issue is actually between your kids and you've let that cloud your judgement of her. Give her a chance.

Original poster

brokenglam · 26/05/2018 10:45

Thanks so much everyone. Definitely not BU then. Made me feel a bit better. I've replied to friend saying I'm not happy driving Sarah. No reply yet. Didn't want to be too bitchy so didn't specifically say I didn't want her to come so maybe she'll turn up at cinema in her own car.

OP posts:

FairyMcHairy · 26/05/2018 10:45

And she's agreed to go out with you so clearly has no problem with you at all and wants to be your friend!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/05/2018 10:47

Urgh, I feel your pain here!
I think I'd have to talk to friend though and explain why you're not happy to drive Sarah, in case she starts to offer you work arounds.

pigsDOfly · 26/05/2018 10:48

Well if you read the OP RainySeptember I think you'll find that it's not a case of getting to know Sarah better.

It sound like the OP know Sarah quite well already and actually can't stand her.

FesteringCarbuncle · 26/05/2018 10:49

I agree with not going
It will give Sarah the idea that you are friends when you need to keep some distance from her

Tobesoconfused · 26/05/2018 10:50

Make an excuse and don't go. No need to tell them the reason and make things uncomfortable for yourself. Say you don't feel great or something.

echt · 26/05/2018 10:53

Make an excuse and don't go. No need to tell them the reason and make things uncomfortable for yourself. Say you don't feel great or something

If the OP doesn't give the reason the friend will do it again. Friend was out of order to invite Sarah anyway.

Anniegetyourgun · 26/05/2018 10:56

I think you did the right thing explaining the problem without too much detail. If friend presses the matter just say that you don't get on. That's all she needs to know, but she does need to know that much so she doesn't start wishing random bods on you as a regular thing. IMO it's very rude to invite someone along without consulting the original parties. Somehow it feels worse if you're doing the driving too.

theredjellybean · 26/05/2018 10:57

while i would also be a bit pissed off if i was looking forward to catching up with a friend, only for them to invite someone else along.
However all the txt suggestions saying 'ok well you two have fun then' are so passive aggressive. It makes the sender sound like a sulky teenager.
I would go, you might be surprised, i wonder what sarah thinks of you ? it might be you both have got off on the wrong foot etc.
Its just the cinema, so if it goes well, great if it isnt well just quiet word afterwards to your friend saying you find sarah a bit tricky can you meet upjust the two of you next time.
the passive aggressive txts might ruin your friendship with original friend

shakingmyhead1 · 26/05/2018 10:58

"Sarah?! Fuck no, she's an awful cunt!"
This!

blackeyes72 · 26/05/2018 10:58

I have had a couple of friends who always used to do this, I would arrange something and then at the last minute someone else piggy backed our arrangements, sometimes they wouldn't even tell me and I would turn up and find other people there who I didn't even know.

It's difficult as you look like you are making a big deal out of it, but it's the principle, isn't it? If they had ask "is it ok to invite Sarah" then you could have had a chance to explain your position and the fact you don't particularly want to go with her. In this way, she has been forced on you.

Not sure what to advise, I haven't had great luck in confronting the issue, but I would definitely not go.

Furano · 26/05/2018 10:59

Id tell her the truth.

“Oh, I think I’m going to pull out then and leave you and Sarah to it. I’d rather you checked with me before inviting other people next time. Have a lovely evening.”

duplodancer · 26/05/2018 11:00

Only thing is it makes you sound like a complete knob if you just say you don't want to drive someone else. Think you need to give context.
I wouldn't give a seconds thought to someone else being invited along so would be surprised if someone else did. Unless I knew they disliked them and then I'd totally understand. Tell your friend the truth.

Tobesoconfused · 26/05/2018 11:01

echt
Then she can make another excuse and keep doing so until the friend gets the message.

CristalTipps · 26/05/2018 11:06

Only thing is it makes you sound like a complete knob if you just say you don't want to drive someone else. Think you need to give context.

This. You've already said you don't want to drive her. You may as well text again and say you don't enjoy her company, or it looks like you are the unreasonable one.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/05/2018 11:08

Something along the lines of "oh I wish you'd said before - Sarah and I don't really get along and I'd rather not socialise with her" - job done, no details.

FoodGloriousFud · 26/05/2018 11:11

Another one who would just be honest, you're not keen on Sarah so will catch up with her another time. I'd be to the point without being rude.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 26/05/2018 11:12

I’ve been in this situation. I just said that I’d meet her another time as Sarah’s nice but not my cup of tea and I’d rather catch up properly alone with friend.

SandAndSea · 26/05/2018 11:15

OP, I think your message could be misunderstood. Maybe give her a call?

GalwayWayfarer · 26/05/2018 11:18

I think it would be really rude to pull out. Your friend doesn't know about your issues with sarah so it's not like she was deliberately a pain. It's the cinema so you don't have to chat - suck it up for tonight then mention to your friend tomorrow that you don't get on with sarah so she knows for the future.

If you pulled any of the responses above on me I'd think you were really childish and difficult - sorry!

robotcartrainhat · 26/05/2018 11:21

as its just the cinema so not much talking id probably just go. But I would mention after to the friend that youd appreciated being told if someone else is going to attend as you dont really get on well with Sarah and youd prefer not to see her if poss.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/05/2018 11:22

I don't agree with Galway there - if I was the friend and I found out after the event that I'd made it awkward and uncomfortable for the OP, I'd feel mortified and wish she'd told me earlier.

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