Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU to think planning your life is pointless?

96 replies

MrsCD67 · 23/05/2018 19:03

AIBU to think that planning your life is pointless?
Saw a girl who was about 20 in our local coffee shop writing in a diary. A barista walked over and saw her writing and asked if she was revising for an exam as she'd been there writing for a long time apparently. The girl responded saying she was writing a 'life plan' with her family and career aspirations in.
Is it just me who thinks this is rather naïve? DP thinks it's sweet

OP posts:

NukaColaGirl · 23/05/2018 19:06

I dunno. I barrelled through my 20s like a bull in a china shop with zero direction. Now I’m 31 and starting Uni this September with a very clear direction for the next decade in terms of my education/career. Whereas in my 20s I didn’t give a fuck.

DanielCraigsUnderpants · 23/05/2018 19:06

Let them hold on to their dreams. The bitter disappointment comes soon enough.

MeanTangerine · 23/05/2018 19:07

If you know what you want to achieve you can start working towards it...

teaandtoast · 23/05/2018 19:07

It's neither naïve or sweet.

Fail to plan = plan to fail.
She sounds like she doesn't want her life to just drift. Good for her.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 23/05/2018 19:08

I love a life plan. So far I have achieved all of it, so I can re plan as life moves on. A lot of people, especially people who suffer with mental illness need to plan.
I’m BPD and when I’m really ill I have to write down and plan every hour of my day.

Racecardriver · 23/05/2018 19:09

That is what every reasonable person does. We don't expect it all to go to plan nor are we inflexible but we have an end goal and a rough idea how to achieve it. It gives a sense of direction and helps one stay motivated and calm.

KirstenRaymonde · 23/05/2018 19:09

There’s a balance to be had. You can’t plan everything no, but you can have some good ideas in your head of where you want to go and what that might mean for other things. Pretty much every attempt at a plan I’ve made has gone sideways, but having a veiw of what I want life to look like in the future has helped.

Eatsleepworkrepeat · 23/05/2018 19:09

I think if you have particular goals that are important to you, you have to have plans about how to achieve them. Sometimes it's a plan a, b, c and even then you don't end up where you thought you'd be, but chances are much better than if you just wing it.

wintersdawn · 23/05/2018 19:09

Depends on what her plans were. Fall in love and get married - personally not something I think you can plan. Want to travel to x y and z. Learn to play the violin - yes something you can create in a life plan.

Original poster

MrsCD67 · 23/05/2018 19:09

But planning as far as babies and promotions and moving out? She basically had a every year planned out!

OP posts:

DickensianHysteric · 23/05/2018 19:10

I wish I'd done a bit more planning when I was younger! Then I might not be mid-30s worrying about the future... I think she is sensible, as long as plans can be adapted as life changes.

MarthaArthur · 23/05/2018 19:14

I have ocd. I also have a life plan. Im very far away from reaching it but the plan is written down. I also plan day to day and list everything that needs doing each day. I have a 5 year plan too. I dont think its naïve or sweet its just...well good planning.

Georgina125 · 23/05/2018 19:15

I see your point but having a plan is not a bad thing as long as you accept that you might have to adapt.. When I was 15, I had quite an extensive life plan. The details did not pan out at all but the broad aims helped focus my mind and allow me to stay on track during my 20s. Now I am in my early 30s, I am largely very happy with how things are and I think having a plan helped.

UrgentScurryfunge · 23/05/2018 19:18

We do a rough plan every few years. Things like DIY projects, holidays, replacing cars. Things that are fairly attainable under current conditions.

DH was doing a post-graduate course p/t while working. We planned the wedding around its completion and an epic honeymoon. Because he gave two years notice, he was able to get the unpaid leave for it.

Now the DCs are getting a bit bigger we can think about which years we'd like to do some more ambitious holidays and appropriate ages for maximum benefit/ interest. We had strategically stayed closer to home/ more package type while they were younger.

By considering these things we can spread our commitments of money and time more evenly.

Considering things like career progression helps people to avoid stagnating. Nothing is lost by not drawing up a plan even if it changes according to circumstance.

BettyBaggins · 23/05/2018 19:19

I wish I had done more financial planning!

elessar · 23/05/2018 20:18

No harm in having a plan.

I have a plan - promoted to x level by certain ages, buy a house mid 20s, get married, have kids x age.

So far - I'm not married yet, but I've achieved my other goals so far. It doesn't mean plans can't adapt and change but for me I like to know what I'm aiming at.

FreddieMac · 23/05/2018 20:29

I know someone who did this.

He now has 3.5m worth of houses and is 40. Not bad.

TheMonkeyMummy · 23/05/2018 20:33

I love to plan. Gives me things to work towards. Would hate to drift aimlessly.

But different strokes for different folks. I don't understand you, OP, but I don't judge you enough to warrant a YABU. More a 🤷‍♀️ / 'meh'.

Mousefunky · 23/05/2018 20:34

It’s fine having a plan as long as you accept life may have other ideas.

Original poster

MrsCD67 · 23/05/2018 20:36

Fair enough everyone! Just me then! Perhaps I should give it a try

OP posts:

AwkwardPaws27 · 23/05/2018 20:38

I try and plan ahead; obviously it's not set in stone, but if I've got something to aim for it helps me stay on track.
Especially relevant for long-term goals, when it's easy to get sidetracked by short-term fun. Saving for a deposit wasn't much fun, but I had a goal of buying a flat by 25 (and I moved in 6 weeks after my 25th birthday, so I think it works for me!).
I'm now at uni, as well as working, as I decided I wanted a degree by 30 (although I'll be 30+a few weeks when I actually finish).

donajimena · 23/05/2018 20:38

I went out with someone like this. It was a relationship doomed to fail because I couldn't fall in with his 'plan' which was to retire and move abroad within the next 10 years. I also didn't tick the boxes of his ideal woman. 5 years on he's no nearer to retirement and finding his ideal woman. Oddly we are still friendly and he gets quite het up that things haven't gone his way.
I on the other hand have plans which are quite fluid but I haven't put a timescale on them. I've achieved some, written some off and am currently in university which health willing I will complete.
I'm definitely the happier of the two of us. I think he'd enjoy life much more if he lived in the now.

Taffeta · 23/05/2018 20:41

It would depress the fuck out of me

Very happy with my life but hate “life goals”

I like spontaneity and I loved in my twenties and early thirties waking up each day thinking my life could be totally different in a years time

Kids, mortgage, age have dulled this feeling a bit but in my 50s I can’t think of anything more depressing than planning my retirement

Let’s see what life brings

Submariner · 23/05/2018 21:06

Not naïve at all. There are many things I'd like to do now but don't have the option to because of choices I made in my teens and twenties. Yes I'm happy now but certain career options etc are more limited. I love planning, I get so much more meaningful stuff done when I know what I'm aiming for.

FASH84 · 23/05/2018 21:12

No, I planned my education, my career, to be financially stable and how is achieve that, to travel, buy a property, get married, have babies in my early thirties. I've done all of the above, never gone without and had a damn good time. It's good to have focus and it meant I didn't do silly things in my early twenties like get cars on HP or rack up credit card debt, I worked hard saved, socialised and travelled a lot, but paid for it all. No I don't have family money before the criticisms start. Now we're starting a family comfortable that we've lived well, have experienced a lot and can provide a stable, secure, happy environment for our baby. I know people who drifted through their twenties and are now panicking they've 'wasted their youth and haven't achieved much'

Flip

1 2 3 4