AIBU to think planning your life is pointless?

[MrsCD67]

AIBU to think that planning your life is pointless?
Saw a girl who was about 20 in our local coffee shop writing in a diary. A barista walked over and saw her writing and asked if she was revising for an exam as she'd been there writing for a long time apparently. The girl responded saying she was writing a 'life plan' with her family and career aspirations in.
Is it just me who thinks this is rather naïve? DP thinks it's sweet

Thank you @Graphista for the interesting links!

I'm a huge planner of everyday life, for example with lists of what to take on holiday started months weeks before the holiday, and even booking holidays 10-12 months in advance.

However, with life, I've only ever had vague plans. GCSEs, A-levels and uni were a given. But I had no idea what I wanted to do as a job afterwards. I was in my final year at uni before deciding to move abroad and planning how to do that (masters abroad).

Then I fell into my first job out of necessity. Hated it so DH suggested a new job (one that I'd never even heard of as a teenager) so I did that. And bumbled along quite successfully.

The only time I really planned was wanting to leave that job for one that didn't cost quite so many evenings and weekends!

But I'm very happy with where I am. DH and I tend to plan big steps, like when will we outgrow our current appartment and where should we buy/can we afford the next one. But things like jobs aren't really planned - we just take opportunities when they come.

DC were both planned, but not years in advance. DS1 we both suddenly decided now was the time. DC2 was when I could stand the idea of being pregnant again, and we just waited one extra month so I could get a promotion (which I wouldn't have had if they'd known I was pregnant).

It's like a birth plan. It's good to have done your research and have a plan. But you have to be completely prepared to be flexible and for the plan to change.

I'm less not at all bothered by someone who has plans like this than the general narrative painted in society at the moment that your twenties are SUPPOSED to be a mess, all women are SUPPOSED to go through shitty relationships, and you're almost SUPPOSED to fuck up at some point or you're 'doing it wrong' or 'not living life'.

Being/having fun to having no plan for life.

I also think the notion of a 'life plan' as 20 or younger is quite symptomatic of a certain tendency in our society which prizes material success and showing the world one has made it over flexibility, adaptation and self-discovery (which we as humans will need in the future

The two things aren’t mutually exclusive though Anelderly you can do both.

I disagree that your life getting in the way of your plans necessarily means that it’s no longer worth planning.

As I mentioned we’ve always worked to a five year plan but we’ve had redundancy, serious illness, infertility, surprise opportunities and international moves all happen too. You just adjust the plan or scrap it and rewrite a new one.

All lives have ups and downs.

Life threw us a curveball just last week which means we’ll have to seriously rethink our current plan. That’s fine, we’ll talk it through and work out what we’re going to do instead.

Interesting about the narrative about 20s being when you're supposed to be a mess etc.

I suppose I was always true to my character/nature. I have fun, but need a safety net. And as I moved abroad, I no longer had my parents as a safety net so always saved as much money as possible. With no real plan, other than "when I finish my masters I'll probably have to move for a job, so moving costs plus deposit on a flat plus non-studenty clothes" so have fun, but keep some back for later.

A couple of my friends could not understand that mentality at all. They spent all their money in the here and now (but 15 years on they both have life plans, savings etc. so it didn't do them any harm). Having said that, we all have very different ideas of what to spend in day to day life.

I think it's great she has the confidence to make a plan. I never made plans because I didn't "take myself seriously" as pp said above. I never made any goals or had dreams because I always thought that would be laughably naive as I would never achieve anything.

But looking back, I now see that I could have been OK to have a few ideas and goals. I'm a pretty average person but average people can achieve a lot. Maybe I would have reached my goals, maybe not, but it would have been OK to at least have a daydream about it. Rather than giving up any hope of anything before my life even began.

My sister does this. It's worked so far and she's very focused. I did it myself when I was much younger, until one day one of the first and biggest parts of the plan failed spectacularly. I'd been working and waiting for it since I was about 8. I had what was probably a breakdown in hindsight, stopped eating and had a year at home with nothing to look forward to and no friends around and it nearly broke me.

Now I just hope for the good stuff, do my best and work hard but mainly enjoy what I have and live in the moment. I appreciate how lucky I am mostly. I have no specific plans in terms of things to achieve set out.

@thecatsthecats That was a really interesting point you made about what we're 'supposed to do' in our 20s. I actually agree wholeheartedly so thank you for making that point

It's a good idea to have some sort of plan for the future, otherwise you'll just drift from job to job, man to man, maybe have an unplanned baby or two along the way, and end up in a dead end.

I'm in my 60's and nothing in my life has gone to "plan".
In my teens I had vague life goals etc, but whenever I made a specific plan it was like the kiss of death, so I have had to lead my life going with the "flow"
Both my sisters have been great planners and on the whole their plans have "happened", however the unexpected has thrown them both and they are unable to mentally cope when their fixed plans have had been derailed by unforseen and unexpected circumstances

you're almost SUPPOSED to fuck up at some point or you're 'doing it wrong' or 'not living life'.

To be honest I do think that if you never fuck up at least a bit then you probably are leading a very risk-averse life.

Mine’s gone to plan so far!

Making a plan doesn’t mean you never fuck up though.

LisaSimpson

I'm not sure if that's true. I mean, what if the things you want to do just aren't that risky? I prefer a 9-5 type job- gives me reliable time for hobbies. I've been with my fiance since we were 18. I wasn't being risk averse by sticking with him instead of having all sorts of shenanigans. I didn't want to leave him!

Some people might see the two moves I've made to random cities for my career risky - maybe they were. Maybe I just don't see them as risky, or maybe I planned well enough to avoid the risk.

This is my broader point - there is no shame in living your life with your own goals. The only thing you can waste it with is following other people's, be that a defined element of risk, a set number of sexual encounters, a plan or lack thereof.

I do make a list for certain goals but I've been impressed by my youngest sister. She is nearly 17, knows what she wants to do after college with back up options and she's already saving for a deposit for her first house as well as driving lessons. Seeing as we don't have parents, she's doing extraordinarily well and that determination will get her far.

I had a basic plan in my 20s which was finish Uni, work for a couple of years, move to London & work plus fit in travel in Europe as much as possible. This was the plan of just about every person I know though so it doesn't make me special.

I've been with DH since I was 20 and we married when I was 28 and at that point my planning became a bit more specific re house, kids, career etc.

Now I have a pretty detailed plan for the next 12 months and a general idea for the next 5 years.

I acknowledge I've been v v lucky though - essentially kids arrived in my 30s as I hoped/expected, health is fine, career have had a few curve balls but has generally worked out well. Planning only takes you so far (but I do find having a plan comforting - we only took a few months to conceive both DC but I found the inability to form a plan v stressful).

I find it naive to be making such rigid plans at 20, I was having far too much more fun for that at her age! Sitting in a coffee shop alone at 20 writing down plans sounds like such a staid and sad thing to do. When I was younger I would have thought a rigid planner was insufferably dull, and still do. I’ve always liked to be spontaneous and going with the flow has worked out very well for me in my life.

I think it is reasonable to plan the next few years of your life.

It is unreasonable to plan for decades hence. I watched my parents make huge sacrifices for their retirement years. Mum died six months before retiral. Dad has really struggled with enjoying his retirement because she is gone. They would've been better enjoying time together for their 35 year marriage than pinning it all on a mythical future.

TBH @Graphista your post is incredibly outing without going into the details about your DD is it not?
You are such a prolific poster that all that information alongside everything else you disclose, unsure as to why you're worrying about bring 'outed'

My dd has her life/ career/ planned and she is 14.
She's determined, driven and not a plan B in sight, nor considered.
Me and dh are two drifters, never having planned anything, not even our kids
Some people are like this, it may serve her well if it's well thought out and she is adamant about her preferences.