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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance - am I being U?

86 replies

Littledrop · 23/05/2018 15:59

Regular poster but have NC'd for this.

My mother passed away a few months ago, I have a 2DB and 1DS and our mother left a will which left us each a quarter of a (fairly sizeable) estate. The estate is still going through all the legal bits but my issue is that a couple of other relatives have indicted that because my siblings have children and I don't, they feel that their share should have been more.

I can be a bit sensitive about the 'not having children' thing anyway (50+ & single so no hope now sadly) but I'm finding it really upsetting, basically it feels like they are saying I am worth less because I'm on my own?

Or do you think their amount should be more as they have families and bigger outgoings? AIBU?

OP posts:
DartfordBridge · 23/05/2018 16:01

Yanbu and Flowers for your loss

olivesnutsandcheese · 23/05/2018 16:01

Wow Yanbu. Your siblings are being CFs for even suggesting such a thing.

HollowTalk · 23/05/2018 16:01

No way! Tell them it's absolutely nothing to do with then. I wouldn't mix with then at all, frankly.

Lethaldrizzle · 23/05/2018 16:02

No that's bollox. It was their decision to procreate

bellabelly · 23/05/2018 16:03

A) it's none of their business and B) your mother obviously felt it was fair to divide the money equally between the four of you. Sorry for your loss.

BlueJava · 23/05/2018 16:03

To my mind the amount you are left in a will has nothing to do with your circumstances, but has everything to do with what the person who made the will wanted! Whatever they left you and others should be honoured, it doesn't matter who has the most kids/biggest house etc.

olivesnutsandcheese · 23/05/2018 16:03

Sorry just realised that it was relatives who made the comment not your sibs. Your relatives should shut up and keep their nose out. Sorry for your loss

DillyDilly · 23/05/2018 16:03

Sorry for your loss. Your mother divided her estate between her children. Your siblings can divide their own Estates equally between their own children in the future. End of!

Whatshallidonowpeople · 23/05/2018 16:03

Your mother decided what she wanted. It's her will.

pullingknots · 23/05/2018 16:04

No. Unless there is any indication that the will is contrary to what your DM would have wished in some way, YANBU.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I think they are being extremely rude (and grabby if it's your other siblings that have raised the matter.)

Original poster
Littledrop · 23/05/2018 16:04

I forgot to say that it's not my siblings saying this, they would never think that (I hope anyway). I have a strong relationship with them all, and their children.

OP posts:
TeresasGreen · 23/05/2018 16:04

YANBU. In fact when DM died, DSis and I paid more towards one part of DMs bequests than DB, because he didn’t have any children to benefit from the bequest.

Travis1 · 23/05/2018 16:04

your relatives should mind their own business!

GreenTulips · 23/05/2018 16:04

I agree you share fairly between the 4 children and what they do with it is their decision- same a step your share.

You don't get more because you give birth - that's crackers

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 23/05/2018 16:05

Sorry for your loss Flowers
Your Mum has 4 children & has decided to share her estate equally between you.
The other relatives are being very very unreasonable

Original poster
Littledrop · 23/05/2018 16:06

thank you all, i think i have just got myself in a tizz about it because i'm very sensitive. it has been mentioned that my mother talked about doing this, but i never heard of it. and it wasn't actioned.

OP posts:
littlewoollypervert · 23/05/2018 16:06

Ignore the other relatives - they are shit stirrers.

  1. it was up to your mother to leave her estate as she wanted - and she chose equally

  2. I think equal shares is fairest anyway - you don't then have to assign values to each sibling and perhaps take into account their relationship with the deceased. My parents have always said anything left after they pass will be divided equally so that me and my brother and sister don't argue amongst ourselves!

Also, you might have less resources as you get older compared to another person with a partner/family - yes children are expensive little feckers, but in a lot of families in later years, children look after elderly parents. I haven't articulated this properly but I'm sure someone can come up with a nice pithy phrase to tell the other relatives if they comment again!

raisinsraisins · 23/05/2018 16:07

YANBU. If your siblings aren't single, then they have partners who help pay towards their mortgage, bills etc. You are on own so have more responsibility for yourself and no one to fall back on for help. Sorry for your loss, but don't feel guilty about the money!

BluePheasant · 23/05/2018 16:07

YANBU

Equal split between siblings is nearly always the fairest way. Doesn’t matter who earns more, who has more children etc. They are being grabby.

FullOfJellyBeans · 23/05/2018 16:07

If your mother gave her estate to her children not her grand children then of course you get your fair share and it's up to all of you what you do with that money. If your mother had wanted her money to be left to her grandchildren she would have left some to them directly.

So sorry for your loss.

littlewoollypervert · 23/05/2018 16:08

p.s. sorry for your loss

AmazingPostVoices · 23/05/2018 16:08

Your relatives should mind their own business.

Your Mum left her money equally between her children. That’s fair and was her choice.

I’m sorry for your loss.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/05/2018 16:14

Sorry about your Mum. Tell your relatives to butt out and mind their own business! FFS... Flowers

shoelaces · 23/05/2018 16:15

My DM has told me she is splitting inheritance 50:50 with me and DB. I have 1 child and he has 2. My 'share' will be then split50:50 with me and DS. DB's share will be split 33:33:33 between him and his 2 DC's.

On one side of the coin, you see grandchildren getting different amounts. Does DM love them any different?

I'm more well off than DB. He has very little money, but I would get more than him. Is it fair?

Yes. Because it's what DM has chosen, in circumstances where there is no fair answer.

eggsandwich · 23/05/2018 16:18

Just tell them that the matter of what’s in the will and inheritance only concerns those named in the will and the expression of wishes of who’s will it is, to anyone else it’s none of their business.

Sorry for your loss, your mother made her will to divide her estate equally with all her children she was obviously a fair lady and I’d suspect she would be none to pleased at other relatives voicing their opinion.

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