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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance - am I being U?

86 replies

Littledrop · 23/05/2018 15:59

Regular poster but have NC'd for this.

My mother passed away a few months ago, I have a 2DB and 1DS and our mother left a will which left us each a quarter of a (fairly sizeable) estate. The estate is still going through all the legal bits but my issue is that a couple of other relatives have indicted that because my siblings have children and I don't, they feel that their share should have been more.

I can be a bit sensitive about the 'not having children' thing anyway (50+ & single so no hope now sadly) but I'm finding it really upsetting, basically it feels like they are saying I am worth less because I'm on my own?

Or do you think their amount should be more as they have families and bigger outgoings? AIBU?

OP posts:
GalwayWayfarer · 23/05/2018 16:19

YANBU and I'm so sorry for your loss. A death in the family brings out the worst in some. You're as entitled to benefit from your mother's estate as they are, and your life isn't worth less than theirs simply because you don't have children.

I hope you're ok Flowers

x2boys · 23/05/2018 16:20

my parents will.is split 50/50 between myself and my sister we do actually both have two children we each but neither of us had children when they made their will , their view is that any grandchildren they had (they now have four ) would benefit indirectly from their will.

SuitedandBooted · 23/05/2018 16:21

Sorry about your loss.

Just to echo the PP's.

It was your mothers choice. She wanted to show she loved and valued you all equally. It could be argued that your siblings need it less, as they have children who may take on a caring role when they are old - they may also go NC, and move abroad, who knows!

Either way, it is yours. I was the only sibling to have children when our parents died, and I can't imagine any relatives hinting I should have more cash. It' was simply no concern of theirs Confused

StaplesCorner · 23/05/2018 16:23

Utterly ridiculous, have heard this one before though - it happened to us - when MiL died her will said 50:50 between her two children, but BiL said he had 2 kids and we had 1 so he was entitled to 2/3rds of the cash, not half. I think the key word there is "entitled" - he was definitely that. Course DH gave it to him.

Anyway, ignore relatives or anyone else. It IS fair, its an equal split between all siblings. End of.

MumofBoysx2 · 23/05/2018 16:23

Absolutely not! The money is being split between the children, not the grandchildren. Don't feel pressurised, they are out of order for suggesting it. As far as the children are concerned, if you wanted to leave something for your nieces and nephews in your will in view of the fact you don't have children then that's at your discretion.

MikeUniformMike · 23/05/2018 16:23

OP, you could always exclude your CF siblings from your will.

KitKat1985 · 23/05/2018 16:23

Your relatives need to keep their noses out OP. The equal split between you and your siblings is perfectly fair.

MillionChoices · 23/05/2018 16:24

I'm so sorry that this has even been mentioned - it is the standard way to split it evenly between children (possibly given a relatively small set amount to each grandchild) and clearly what your mum wanted. I've never heard of a child of the deceased getting less because they haven't had children themselves.

My dad ten months ago and his estate was split evenly between his six children - didn't enter anyone's heads to do it any other way! Three of them have no children, I've got one child and two of my siblings have two children (and all over the age where future children are highly unlikely).

The relatives who mentioned this sound...unpleasant.

dejectedharry · 23/05/2018 16:24

StaplesCorner He gave it to him Shock

Daisymay2 · 23/05/2018 16:26

It was your mother's decision and she wanted to leave it equally to all of you. It is outrageous that others suggest that your siblings should get more because they have children. My PIL left most if their estate to SIL because she was on her own and DH was married ( with children) and he had my earnings available!!! ( Our home is after all his house - despite the deeds- and they are his children!! ) It was their decision--which I did not understand but there you go

Asheth · 23/05/2018 16:27

Sorry for your loss OP.

Your mum's will is completely fair. I have three children, my brother has none. My parents' will splits their money 50/50 and I would neither expect nor want it any other way.

UrsulaPandress · 23/05/2018 16:27

Honestly - some people!

Of course it should be shared equally. Your siblings' partners may inherit money, plus if there is any left over when you die then chances are your nieces and nephews may benefit.

senioritabonita · 23/05/2018 16:29

The relative who suggested this is a shit stirrer trying to cause trouble!

Original poster
Littledrop · 23/05/2018 16:29

thank you for replies, it's good to know i am not being greedy. the will was made quite recently so all children were around at the time (youngest is 8).

OP posts:
Juells · 23/05/2018 16:30

Tell them to mind their own business, the will is the will is the will. I'm surprised they don't think you should hide yourself away somewhere or dedicate yourself to working with the poor and needy so you don't bother anyone 😡

carefreeeee · 23/05/2018 16:31

Yanbu. Equal shares is normal. One set of my grandparents left a token amount to each grandchild and the rest split between their two sons. The other set left it split between their three children. It would be very unfair to give more to one because they have children, or because they earn more etc. The only reason to leave different amounts that is fair, would be if one of the grandchildren was disabled and needed extra money for that reason.

MiggledyHiggins · 23/05/2018 16:31

Who have you willed your assets to OP? I'm guessing it's your siblings or your siblings children. The kids will be getting your share, plus whatever you've accumulated in your lifetime in addition to that so tell the relative to keep their beak out based on that.

obligation · 23/05/2018 16:32

Wow. Take a good look at who is saying this to you. That's really really awful.

PlatypusPie · 23/05/2018 16:32

I have just realised it ouldbe interpreted that my MIL didn’t treat her four sons absolutely equally - three of them ( including my DH) had 2 children each, so 6 grandchildren In total, plus one had two grandchildren and she specified jewellery or art to be given to each child. Each of the sons also had specified valuable items left to them. ( Yes, it was a very long and detailed will ) The vast bulk of the estate was in money or property , though, and that was equally divided between the four sons. This means one of the sons had ‘more’ in terms of his family descent and one ‘less’ as he had no children.

As far as I know, though, there has been no ill feeling about her specified bequests as they were direct marks of affection from her to the grand and great grand children. I would find it very uncomfortable, though, if she had left the money unequally because of perceived need or being more deserving - that really is a set up for rancour.

In short - ignore the squeaks of the relatives. Her decision was hers to make and she was not showing preference among her immediate offspring, nor should she .

Hideandgo · 23/05/2018 16:33

Your mother left her estate to her children, not her grandchildren. You are equally as much her child as your siblings are.

Tell them to fuck off.

PlatypusPie · 23/05/2018 16:33

Typo - could be

Takfujuimoto · 23/05/2018 16:35

How horrible for family to criticise your life and give an opinion like this when it isn't asked for!
So sorry for your loss op Thanks

I don't understand the vitriol when a will states a fair share, why they think they can even voice something like this baffles me.

I have a sister who has chosen not to have children and some family members don't buy her Christmas presents because she's an adult now which is ridiculous!
We get her a big gift and then only send presents to my nieces and nephews to my siblings that have children.

I'm glad your siblings don't share the same sentiment.

Gatehouse77 · 23/05/2018 16:37

Er, no!
I'm the only one with children out of 4 siblings and we all had an equal share. I would never have expected otherwise. It was my choice to have children and I don't see why I should be 'compensated' for that by my siblings who equally chose not to have children.

mayhew · 23/05/2018 16:38

As above. Your mother took the usual decision.
My grandparents split their estate between their three children. My DM, kindly, chose to share the money with us two (young adult) kids to give us house deposits.
However her sibs did not do similar and my cousins will have to wait to inherit in the usual way.

It's possible, but not obligatory, that your nieces and nephews might be your heirs anyway.

Love51 · 23/05/2018 16:41

How do the relatives know? I know what my own parents intend to do, I know what one friend received (not the figure but that her and someone else got 50:50 shares because she told me as she made a property investment) but I don't know how any of my aunts or uncles split their estates -and if my mum knew, she'd tell me, she thinks I'm a receptacle for things she shouldn't tell other people! I also know what happened with one set of grandparents (the ones who had something to leave - equal shares to each child regardless of number of grandchildren - I'm fairly sure the other set of grandparents left a bill, I was a child so wasn't party to who settled that, although I imagine my parents as they were doing better at the time than the other offspring). But why would, for example, the deceased siblings know if they weren't beneficiaries? If they were executers surely they would want to make their life easier by doing what the will states.