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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance - am I being U?

86 replies

Littledrop · 23/05/2018 15:59

Regular poster but have NC'd for this.

My mother passed away a few months ago, I have a 2DB and 1DS and our mother left a will which left us each a quarter of a (fairly sizeable) estate. The estate is still going through all the legal bits but my issue is that a couple of other relatives have indicted that because my siblings have children and I don't, they feel that their share should have been more.

I can be a bit sensitive about the 'not having children' thing anyway (50+ & single so no hope now sadly) but I'm finding it really upsetting, basically it feels like they are saying I am worth less because I'm on my own?

Or do you think their amount should be more as they have families and bigger outgoings? AIBU?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 23/05/2018 16:41

MiL died her will said 50:50 between her two children, but BiL said he had 2 kids and we had 1 so he was entitled to 2/3rds of the cash, not half

He was so diddled

If you wanted a fair split with the kids (and who's to say you wouldn't have had more) then surely it's 3/5 and 2/5 or 20% each not 66% V 34%

3timeslucky · 23/05/2018 16:43

No. No-one has an entitlement to inherit anything. And particularly not based on their breeding success. I say that as the sibling in this family with the greatest number of children. I would never expect that my dad would divide his estate based on the number of children we each have. What a weird idea.

lazymum99 · 23/05/2018 16:45

If your mother had wanted to leave a specific amount to her grandchildren then she would have. What she did was the fairest method. Actually, in my family i will lose out because the token amounts to the grandchildren and quite substantial (my mothers wish) and i have 2 children, Dsis has 4 and Db has 5. Large amount of the pot will disappear before it gets split between the 3 of us. But its her money to do what she wants with.
Grandparents should be careful what and how they leave to grandchildren tho because I happen to know a few people who have used their children's inheritance while they were too young to understand.

IHeartMarmiteToast · 23/05/2018 16:46

Tell your very nosy relatives if you havent spent the lot on champagne and loose men, you will leave it to your neices and nephews.

That ought to shut them up.

Ariela · 23/05/2018 16:47

It is the will maker's perogative to decide how it is split. Not yours or any other relative.

ISeeTheLight · 23/05/2018 16:49

I would be very Hmm if either of my parents decided to give more to me than to my DB because I have a child and he doesn't. Your relatives need to keep their mouths shut.

Lweji · 23/05/2018 16:52

Tell them you'll need the money because you won't have children to care for you in your old age, unlike your siblings.

Or maybe you'd like to adopt. Nothing to do with them.

WhyOhWine · 23/05/2018 16:56

My mum said that she is planning to make a bequeath to each grandchild and then split the rest between the 3 children. To her mind that shows she is valuing all her grandchildren equally and all her children equally, which i think is fair. However I guess someone could see it as meaning that the sibling with the most children is getting more, or indeed as meaning that the grandchild with no siblings is ultimately getting more. I do not think there is any 100% right way, and what your mum did is entirely reasonable.

plentipoo · 23/05/2018 17:01

I don't think YABU, OP, but just to give you the other side of the story, my DM has mentioned multiple times to me and other family members that she wants to leave the whole house etc to me and nothing to my 3 DBs, because a) I have 3 dcs (they have no dcs) and b) I don't own a house. And c) I'm the one who together with DB3 (who is multimillionaire and doesn't need any money) has actually been looking after her, speaks to her daily etc.

My oldest DB however (who lives in the US and has only visited her twice in the last decade, and both times she had to pay to fly him over first class as he won't travel economy and won't visit at all if it costs him a penny) has repeatedly threatened her that if she does change her will he will not attend her funeral or say prayers for her (very important in my religion). She has stated she is too scared of him and his anger to change her will.

So whilst I assume you are not like my DB1, there can be occasions when actually it is not as clear cut that everything should be split equally or that the existing will does reflect the DM's wishes.

Bluelady · 23/05/2018 17:02

So sorry you've lost your mum. It hurts a lot. 🌺

She was completely fair and the executors of the will must comply with her wishes. How on earth do your relatives know about her will?

TeenTimesTwo · 23/05/2018 17:04

I have 2 DC and my DB has none. No way would I expect more than him.
YANBU. As a single person you have proportionately higher living expenses than a couple anyway.

Cheeseandwin5 · 23/05/2018 17:06

Sympathies on your loss.
I agree with others. The split should be dictated by your DM's wishes and that is a straight split between her children. The having or not having siblings is neither here or there. Not only would it go against your DM's wishes and just complicate matters. It doesn't make any sense either. Should siblings with more children get more ,what happens if a sibling has additional babies further down the line should they get expect cash from others. All your life choices should not have anything to do with this.
If any other relative mentions is again tell them if they are so concerned , they are happy to make their own contributions to your nephews and nieces upbringing. If its your siblings mentioning it I would say that you are thinking about adopting 10 children and that they should forgo 50% of their inheritance so you can bring them up.

Armchairanachist · 23/05/2018 17:06

Absolutely YANBU. Tell them to mind their own business.

IrmaFayLear · 23/05/2018 17:06

Years ago dsis and bil went to see my parents to suggest their will should be split 7 ways. Ie 5 parts to them (with 3 dcs) and one part to me, as I was alone. I also happened to be 15 at the time!

Df laughed. (Luckily - I have a sneaking suspicion dm might have gone for it...)

Actually it was also a suggestion that my parents should sell their large family house and join forces with dsis and bil and live in a granny annexe. Quite where teenage me was supposed to go wasn't discussed...

OVienna · 23/05/2018 17:10

only read OP. My response to your relatives is : FUCK THAT SHIT.

HTH.

billybagpuss · 23/05/2018 17:10

How bizarre, they should keep their noses out. And I’m sure mumsnet masses will correct me if I’m wrong but it believe that’s exactly how the state would have divided it had she died intestate (up to a certain amount)

So none of their damned business and If you chose to leave the whole lot to charity in your will that’s none of their business either.

whataboutbob · 23/05/2018 17:14

My father left everything 50:50 to me and my brother. Bro has no kids, long term mental health issues and sadly unlikely to have a long ter, partner or children. I have 2 kids. It never occurred to me once that I should have got more. I was glad it was divided equally.

billybagpuss · 23/05/2018 17:14

@Irma

That’s exactly what happened With my grandparents. Grampy’s db persuaded my great DGF to sell a couple of houses and help them buy a house and live in the annex effectively cutting DGF out of the estate. They didn’t speak for 40 years

auntyflonono · 23/05/2018 17:14

If they want to do things differently they can do so - in their own wills!

sparklepops123 · 23/05/2018 17:15

No you were one of four and that's how your mum wanted it as stated in her will! The other relatives should mind their own business

scarbados · 23/05/2018 17:19

If your mother had wanted her grandchildren to inherit a share, she'd have made her will accordingly. YANBU.

SolidarityGdansk · 23/05/2018 17:21

I am angry on your behalf.

I was single til I was 40 - one of the hardest things is that other people feel they can bully you as you have no back up. Don’t let them.

The normal approach to split equally as your mother has done.

Tell them to butt out.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/05/2018 17:26

How horrid to say this to you. Yanbu at all. Sorry for your loss. Flowers

Mumsnut · 23/05/2018 17:28

you cAN LEAVE SOMETHIG TO YOUR NEPHEWS AND NIECES

Mumsnut · 23/05/2018 17:28

oops