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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

the old 'splitting the bil'l with friends!?

116 replies

cutewithsharpteethpossibly · 22/05/2018 17:32

so we(me, dh & dd) went for a meal with another friend, her dh and their dd, they also brought sil. I wasn't drinking and just drank the water due to a run the next day, so there was lots of wine flowing and it was a really good night, lots of catching up and nice to meet sil. So at the end of the night my friends dh said 'lets just split the bill', which meant we paid for half of all their drinks and sil meal. Now I'm annoyed, I'm not normally mean but I just don't think it was on? I also think my DH should have just mentioned it before agreeing to pay half? Is it me, I don't mind being told if I'm being petty!

OP posts:
15star · 22/05/2018 17:34

It's always the ones that eat or drink the most that suggest splitting. I don't mind splitting the bill if everyone has had roughly the same amount to eat and drink. It's unfair to split the bill if there's a non drinker and lots if wine flowing so yanbu

NailsNeedDoing · 22/05/2018 17:36

I'm usually one to split the bill if the difference Ian going to be less than a tenner, I hate all the working out of exactly who owes what in restaurants. But if the difference is going to be big, like it will be in your example with a whole extra person and drinks when you're only on water, then I think your friends were being rude for not offering to pay more. I can understand your dh feeling too awkward to say anything though, the onus is on the person/people who spent more to say that they're willing to pay more.

Original poster
cutewithsharpteethpossibly · 22/05/2018 17:36

ok so it's not just me, I thought I may be being a bit hard, I just wouldn't do this and therefore think it's off, thanks.

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 22/05/2018 17:36

Nope.
It's unreasonable of them to expect to split it 50/50.
I can't believe not one if those 3 adults didn't realise they were getting away with a cheap deal!

I have had this before when out with friends and we have ordered cheaply due to our budgets and I don't really drink, so have got more practiced at saying " Oh, I've worked out what ours comes too already. Here you go", "and this is our bit of the tip" and hand over cash, as I will have made sure I added it up as we went.

x2boys · 22/05/2018 17:36

I wouldnt do that, I went for a meal with some friends a couple of weeks ago myself and one friend were drinking wine and the others were on soft drinks, I made sure I paid for our wine separately.

Original poster
cutewithsharpteethpossibly · 22/05/2018 17:37

yes dh said he felt awkward and didn't want to make a scene after a great evening.

OP posts:
LoveInTokyo · 22/05/2018 17:39

YANBU.

Splitting the bill is only appropriate if you spent roughly the same amount of money. Otherwise someone always ends up subsidising someone who chose more expensive food and drink.

redcarbluecar · 22/05/2018 17:39

I’m all for splitting the bill (although am usually one of those who’s had the most!), but certainly wouldn’t expect non-drinkers to chip in for alcohol.

formerbabe · 22/05/2018 17:41

I don't drink but often eat out with people who drink a lot. Usually someone will mention that I haven't drink and I just pay for what I've had.

I do remember one meal when bottle after bottle of wine were being ordered plus double brandies/whiskies after dessert. I had one soft drink and the bill was split evenly. I will never go along with that again!

Biker47 · 22/05/2018 17:41

I'd have no shame in saying after it's suggested, that I'd only be paying for what I had. I'm not subsiding other peoples meals, unless it's on my terms.

Trialsmum · 22/05/2018 17:44

Well of course they were but you were even more unreasonable for paying it and not saying anything 🙈

robotcartrainhat · 22/05/2018 17:45

YANBU you never know who may be struggling financially and have budgeted tightly. You cant expect people to magic up money for food and drink they didnt order themselves. Its not petty, some people are on tighter budgets than others and its humiliating to try and force them to pay extra. Splitting the bill really winds me up. Ive been in the boat where ive attended something with only a certain amount of money and so ordered accordingly but then been expected to find twenty quid extra for other peoples alcohol... people need to know in advance if they are going to be footing the bill for others to this extent... its so rude to just assume people have extra cash and if they dont then they are tight.
Im not talking about a few pounds here and there to round up peoples contributions to make it simpler. Im talking about having to shell out ten/twenty quid extra to cover other peoples alcohol.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 22/05/2018 17:46

Realky cheeky. It would have been bad enough for them to go along with your suggestion that you split 50:50 (had you done so); but suggesting it themselves??
That said, I wouldn't have wanted to take the shine off a nice evening with an awkwardness around the bill, so would probably have sucked it up, even though it would've burned my hide a bit.
I'd refuse all further invitations from them, though, I hate meanness.

Original poster
cutewithsharpteethpossibly · 22/05/2018 17:48

thanks MNetter's, always good to get an opinion on these things!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 22/05/2018 17:49

Bit rich of them considering they brought another guest and you weren't drinking.

expatinscotland · 22/05/2018 17:50

And yet on the dating thread, nearly everyone says you should split the bill 50/50 on a date.

Cacofonix · 22/05/2018 17:51

In that case they should have split the bill between 5 adults I think. Then you pay two parts and they 3. Although this I did/didn't drink thing starts to get a bit crap. I bet next time you go out you will be drinking so unless you're tee total then let that one go.

Winebottle · 22/05/2018 17:52

I'm all for splitting the bill but if you are doing that, you need to include all the adults. You shouldn't be paying for SIL.

I don't like tap water drinking penny pinchers. If you are that bother about getting your money's worth, drink the bloody wine. If you can't afford wine, don't come.

restingbemusedface · 22/05/2018 17:53

Grrrr I still get the rage when I think about when DP & I went to a dinner and the parents of the birthday girl were invited as a surprise for her. At the end of the meal the bill came and the birthday girls DP said to the parents ‘no, put your money away, you don’t need to pay for anything’, but didn’t pay for them himself! So their bill was split between the rest of us. I couldn’t believe they didn’t see how rude it was!

Marriedwithchildren5 · 22/05/2018 17:54

It doesn't have to be a scene. It's a case of yes we'll all split apart from cute as she's not drinking. I'm usually drinking but you can bet I would tell them if I wasn't!

ConciseandNice · 22/05/2018 17:54

I wouldn’t dream of splitting a bill if there are non-drinkers at the table or someone who had just eaten salad or whatever. It’s CFery at its best. YADNBU.

Original poster
cutewithsharpteethpossibly · 22/05/2018 17:56

I do love wine, it's great thanks WINEBOTTLE, it's just I had a run on the Saturday morning and had to abstain, that's all.

OP posts:
LoveInTokyo · 22/05/2018 17:58

YANBU.

Splitting the bill is only appropriate if you spent roughly the same amount of money. Otherwise someone always ends up subsidising someone who chose more expensive food and drink.

expatinscotland · 22/05/2018 17:59

' I couldn’t believe they didn’t see how rude it was!'

I can't believe no one said anything. What if you literally didn't have the money to pay for 4 extra people, you wouldn't be able to subsidise them and you'd have to say something.

Charley50 · 22/05/2018 18:00

In my groups of friends if someone isn't drinking we split the food bill separately and they just pay their food.
Your friends should also have paid for SIL share, not expected you to pay hers. V cheeky!

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