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AIBU?

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Original poster

the old 'splitting the bil'l with friends!?

116 replies

cutewithsharpteethpossibly · 22/05/2018 17:32

so we(me, dh & dd) went for a meal with another friend, her dh and their dd, they also brought sil. I wasn't drinking and just drank the water due to a run the next day, so there was lots of wine flowing and it was a really good night, lots of catching up and nice to meet sil. So at the end of the night my friends dh said 'lets just split the bill', which meant we paid for half of all their drinks and sil meal. Now I'm annoyed, I'm not normally mean but I just don't think it was on? I also think my DH should have just mentioned it before agreeing to pay half? Is it me, I don't mind being told if I'm being petty!

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 22/05/2018 18:30

Normally I'm a real bill splitter don't sweat the small stuff but bringing an extra guest and with you not drinking they should have taken than into account when tallying up.

Juells · 22/05/2018 18:31

@restingbemusedface

At the end of the meal the bill came and the birthday girls DP said to the parents ‘no, put your money away, you don’t need to pay for anything’,

"You're money's no good here" 😂

Always always always the people who've bought the most expensive items, had starters, desserts, buckets of wine, brandy coffee..."Let's split the bill, it's such a fag having to separate everything out".

Let's not 😡

OrchidInTheSun · 22/05/2018 18:32

That's really rude but you have to say something at the time. Even if you'd split it with each kid being 1/2 an adult, then you would have been in a better position. Stand up for yourself!

Troels · 22/05/2018 18:33

So 4 of them and two of you? Thats bloody cheeky. Next time you go out make sure to say no.

widowtocricket · 22/05/2018 18:37

I hate this problem. Having had 4 pregnancies and having often being the driver I have been caught by this many a time.

I have come up with a number of strategies. With good friends I say shall we absorb the cost of the sober people's drinks, especially as the sober person is usually our taxi for the night.

When I'm less comfortable with people I ask the waiter for a separate drinks bill at the beginning of the meal & announce to the table that it's so the non drinkers don't get lumbered with the cost of my drinking.

Lastly if we go out with those difficult people who insist on splitting the bill to the last penny we chose a place such as Nando's where each person can pay up front for their food & drink & their is no awkwardness when the bill comes.

It just seems to makes for a much less stressful night.

VioletCharlotte · 22/05/2018 18:42

This would annoy me too. And it's not always easy to says something at the time. If it's a big group and everyone else is going along with it, then it can feel really awkward to speak up.

I had this last week when I went out to lunch with my work team. I was drinking water, while some of the others had 2/3 fizzy drinks, mocktails, etc. It was just assumed we'd split the bill. It wasn't a massive amount, but it's still annoying when you're in a tight budget.

Juells · 22/05/2018 18:49

@Winebottle

It is not spending other people's money or being subsidisied. If that is your attitude, sit on separate tables.

A meal out is more than just buying food. It is a shared social experience with friends which is why it is appropriate to split it.

That's very unfair. I've lost touch with all my female friends from when I was married, because they'd meet for a meal and insist on splitting the bill although they all drank quite heavily, and also ate a lot. I just couldn't afford it any more, whereas I could have afforded it if I just paid for what I ate. It's a way of excluding the less well off, and I'm not even sure that it's not deliberate on some level.

Thewhale2903 · 22/05/2018 18:53

Almost the exact same thing happened to us about a year ago and it still pisses me off!

Foslady · 22/05/2018 18:54

Yep. We have a once a year meet up with a small group of friends and go for a meal afterwards. After the last time I don’t think we’ll be eating again after me on the smallest income ended up subbing the richer families meal substantially (only wine drinker, most expensive meal, puddings, alcohol coffees when I was driving and dd is too young to drink).
Wouldn’t be so bad but the amount extra I put in was more than the cost of the main course I ordered....

FuzzyCustard · 22/05/2018 18:54

winebottle I hope none of your friends loses their job, gets ill or suffers any other straightened circumstances, or they won't be your friends any more, will they? Not very supportive.

FuzzyCustard · 22/05/2018 18:56

*straitened.

TemptressofWaikiki · 22/05/2018 18:56

I seldom drink and often eat less than some of our friends. Nout to do with finances, just preferences. I have noticed a certain type that seems to really pig out and order a lot more, as well pretty expensive stuff, very much banking on the bill being split which averages out their share and makes it far lower. I am friendly but very direct these days and will pay my share plus a bit extra towards tips. And I found the ones to be snippy and trying to shame people like me are the pisstakers. I have zero qualms in pointing out their greedy and cheeky fuckery behaviour. Am pleased to say that my DH is the same. And funny enough, a lot of our friends are very much on board with it now too because we all got wise to the ones abusing the situation.

user1457017537 · 22/05/2018 18:59

I don’t mind occasionally and will pay but I have found that it is the same people over and over who don’t pay their share. At a Christmas do I went to man came and sat at our table and ordered a scotch and then a brandy from the waiter. He then moved on to another table and did the same so his drinks were put on the respective table bill at the end of the evening.
He is a CF

gamerwidow · 22/05/2018 19:01

Yes it was a bit cheeky but if You had a good time and you’re likely to all go out again a lot in future then it’s one of those things that should balance itself out over the course of time. If they always take more than they pay for though and this kind of thing isn’t a one off lapse then you need to nip it on the bud.

GeordieGirl233 · 22/05/2018 19:03

My friends and I NEVER split the bill we will all remember what we've had and just round up to the nearest whatever. We are all skint or watching the pennies!

icelollycraving · 22/05/2018 19:03

Were they a bit pissed and just didn’t really think? How much did it add to your bill?
In honesty I would have just split it unless we are talking a lot more money.
If I knew someone was not drinking as they were watching their money I’d be really mindful of that. I’m inclined to be more generous than less.

MsHomeSlice · 22/05/2018 19:04

if there is a non drinker then you double split the bill

food...split evenly between all £a
drink split evenly between drinkers £b

non drinkers pay £a+tip
drinkers pay £a+£b+tip

but that supposes no one was having foie gras,steak and caviar when someone else was on salad sarnies

It's a minefield and there are LOADS of CFs out there. Angry

theymademejoin · 22/05/2018 19:08

If the bill was being split, surely it should have been split 3 ways which would have been really unfair on the sil. I would consider it to be 3 family units.

I probably wouldn't have thought of it at the time but saying "oh, that's unfair on sil as there's only one of her" would probably have resulted in a rapid back track by them.

I have no problem splitting reasonably equal bills. Mine is nearly always less as I'm vegetarian but I'm fine with that. I'm not fine with subbing loads of drink or extras for others. If I'm the one having extras (wine or dessert) I'll always do a rough tally and pay more or deduct the drink before dividing.

rookiemere · 22/05/2018 19:14

I find it annoying when out in a group with DH.

He’s much more generous than me and hates quibbling over bills so last time we were out with SIL and family we ended up paying for all of it because BIL had a bit of a rage when DH didn’t order from the 2 for 1.

FrangipaniBlue · 22/05/2018 19:23

I'm all for splitting bills and if I eat out with friends where there are a mix of adults and children etc sometimes it's simpler (and quicker st the end of the meal when everyone's getting ready to leave!)

But not 50:50 between 5 adults Confused

my friends and I would have split between the number of adults so in your example 40:60 but in any case, why wasn't SIL paying her own?! Surely the splitting should have been 40:40:20 with the wine drinkers chucking in a few extra quid!

FrangipaniBlue · 22/05/2018 19:32

I think it works better if you have friends in similar income brackets and do things you can both afford. It is also good to have friends who drink a similar amount.

Are you even listening to people @Winebottle ?? It's not always about the COST of the wine, sometimes people maybe, just maybe, don't fancy a bloody alcoholic beverage!!

And as for only have friends in the same income bracket - piffle, that's not how you choose REAL friends (vs the ones for show)

notacooldad · 22/05/2018 20:03

All these people saying I don't drink , I should pay less, well where I live a Coke is the same price as half a lager!
If cocktails are on offer 2:1 then the price can be per drink then becomes the same as a pint of Coke

Bodear · 22/05/2018 21:26

@Winebottle why is it good to have friends who drink a similar amount? Genuinely curious (and a bit baffled)

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/05/2018 21:29

Friend was cheeky but if you're not going to speak up it's daft to moan about it after.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 22/05/2018 21:33

Drinks when we go out are usually separate,I like wine but have tap water as I'm usually having to be the driver.The rest split by the number of people.Big groups get separate bills.