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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

the old 'splitting the bil'l with friends!?

116 replies

cutewithsharpteethpossibly · 22/05/2018 17:32

so we(me, dh & dd) went for a meal with another friend, her dh and their dd, they also brought sil. I wasn't drinking and just drank the water due to a run the next day, so there was lots of wine flowing and it was a really good night, lots of catching up and nice to meet sil. So at the end of the night my friends dh said 'lets just split the bill', which meant we paid for half of all their drinks and sil meal. Now I'm annoyed, I'm not normally mean but I just don't think it was on? I also think my DH should have just mentioned it before agreeing to pay half? Is it me, I don't mind being told if I'm being petty!

OP posts:

Winebottle · 22/05/2018 18:01

If you choose to others, it is no different to choosing another dish. Either get the calculators out or split the whole thing. I'd split the whole thing.

Mari50 · 22/05/2018 18:02

I have no issue with the alcohol/no alcohol thing and will happily split the bill with friends when we’re out if I’ve not been drinking- not a very common occurrence though and as a group we usually sub the non drinkers.
I would draw the line at paying halving the bill when the amount of adults in both parties varies, that would have pissed me off and i’d like to think I’d mention it but know from some amusing experiences of my own that I probably wouldn’t.

robotcartrainhat · 22/05/2018 18:02

winebottle really? So youd prefer your friends not to socialise with you unless they could foot the bill for other peoples alcohol? Lovely.

Also some people cannot drink alcohol for various reasons why should they pay extra?

Bodear · 22/05/2018 18:03

@Winebottle I don’t drink; should I never go for dinner with friends

abigamarone · 22/05/2018 18:04

I don't like tap water drinking penny pinchers. If you are that bother about getting your money's worth, drink the bloody wine. If you can't afford wine, don't come.

They're not nearly as bad as the pennypinching lowlifes who expect the non-drinkers to subsidise their booze though.

FuzzyCustard · 22/05/2018 18:11

winebottle DH and I both drink tap water for serious health issues not because we are "penny pinchers" (although why that matters to you I am not sure - surely you'd want your friends to feel comfortable ) I am certainly not subsidising someone else's booze habit!

supersop60 · 22/05/2018 18:11

abigamerone - quite right. Why should non-drinkers subsidise someone else's alcohol?

tap water drinking penny pinchers - really?? Don't mix with the poor people - you might catch something. Decency perhaps.

expatinscotland · 22/05/2018 18:11

They shouldn't have asked to split with one non-drinker and an extra person but again, I always wonder why no one says anything.

expatinscotland · 22/05/2018 18:14

And this is such a turnabout from the 'splitting the bill when dating' thread in which you're supposed to split a bill with a relative stranger even if he/she has eaten or drunk far more than you or it's seen as cheap and penny-pinching, but the majority here agrees that your friends were taking the piss.

Biker47 · 22/05/2018 18:14

I don't like tap water drinking penny pinchers.

I'd take someone penny pinching over someone who thinks it's acceptable to spend other people's money and make them subsidise their meals.

Knittedfairies · 22/05/2018 18:15

There are two times, in my opinion, when it is fine to split the bill. A) if everybody has had roughly the same to eat and drink or B) if the person suggesting splitting the bill is the one who will lose out financially i.e. has only had a bread roll and a glass of water all evening.

Winebottle · 22/05/2018 18:16

winebottle really? So youd prefer your friends not to socialise with you unless they could foot the bill for other peoples alcohol? Lovely.

I think it works better if you have friends in similar income brackets and do things you can both afford. It is also good to have friends who drink a similar amount.

I used to be friends with some people who couldn't afford to do anything and it is hard work organising things and listening to them moan about how much everything is costing so we are not friends anymore.

If you can afford a meal out, you can afford wine.

bimbobaggins · 22/05/2018 18:18

I see the if you can’t afford to split the bill you’re too poor to go out brigade is on.

It’s always the overeaters/drinkers who never want to split the bill.
I’d be mortified at anyone else subsidising my extra costs.
They know they are doing it but choose not to say.

LoveInTokyo · 22/05/2018 18:19

Winebottle sounds like it’s no loss to your former friends, really.

notacooldad · 22/05/2018 18:20

Op, you were too slow!
I've learned to find out out before we even order how things are.
I've been to too many meals where I've ordered and paid for drinks separately but some one has put it on the tab and the bill has been split or seen too many arguments about who has had an extra nan bread!

These days before the order goes in I always say 'are we paying for our own here or how are we doing this?' Get it out there and make your intent known.

If I'm just with two or maybe three friends, I'm happy with anything and occasionally pick the whole tab up but certainly if it is an issue be clear on what you expect to happen in future.

Jonbb · 22/05/2018 18:20

We always split it down the meal and to be frank can't be bothered with the she had, he had discussion or even be bothered to think about it. I often drink just water, but that's my choice. Don't see why I should worry about a few quid. If it's been a lovely evening it isn't an issue. If I hated their company and they were shit to be with, I might be awkward.

Katedotness1963 · 22/05/2018 18:20

Splitting the bill is always popular with the people who have ordered more!

Years ago a "friend" called me from a beer garden and said her family were there having dinner and why didn't we join them. I said thanks, we've already eaten but, if it's okay, we'll come for a drink and let the kids play together. We got there, bought a round of drinks, they bought a round and we bought another round. Then they said they'd have to go but would but us another drink before they left. I had another glass of wine, our kids had nothing else, husband had a coffee. Everything had gone on a tab till then. They bought our drinks, paid their share and left.

After we finished our drinks we went to pay our share. The total bill has been €85, they paid €30 and fucked off leaving us to pay €55 for, basically, two rounds of drinks.

I did ask and she said, sorry when we got up to pay we realised we didn't have enough cash and they don't take cards.

InsomniacAnonymous · 22/05/2018 18:22

"It’s always the overeaters/drinkers who never want to split the bill."

That's a good thing isn't it?

Jonbb · 22/05/2018 18:22

Actually in fairness, we always sub one particular friend because she really can't afford too much, and we don't have a problem with that at all. I would rather pay for her than not have her company.

QueenOfMyWorld · 22/05/2018 18:23

I'd say good naturedly "piss off you've had loafs of wine,let's pay for what we've had u cheeky buggers" But that's what I'm like with family and good friends

NataliaOsipova · 22/05/2018 18:25

I'm a bill splitter - the whole "I had this for £11.99 and you had this for £12.75" thing is absolutely gruesome. BUT....if I've had more than someone else/if my kids are there/if they're not drinking, I'd always insist that I put in more than my fair share, along the lines of "no, you just put £30 in and let me get the rest as we had more". Your friends were a bit out of order to put you in that position.

bimbobaggins · 22/05/2018 18:25

Sorry, always want to split the bill

Original poster

cutewithsharpteethpossibly · 22/05/2018 18:25

if it was due to different financial circumstances I would have taken this on board but we are in the same income brackets.

OP posts:

WipsGlitter · 22/05/2018 18:28

We deduct the non drinkers and then spoilt it. Splitting it in half for SIL was a bit I assume she's a grown woman who could pay for herself.

Winebottle · 22/05/2018 18:29

It is not spending other people's money or being subsidisied. If that is your attitude, sit on separate tables.

A meal out is more than just buying food. It is a shared social experience with friends which is why it is appropriate to split it.

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