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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does life ever get less... shit?

123 replies

DameSaggyMith · 25/04/2018 22:42

Pretty much everyone (especially women) I know are in the same loop of:

Work is shit, hours are long, stressful.
Kids are hard. They cry and moan and get shit loads of parasites and viruses that make them cry and moan more, and sleep less.
There's no time for any other element of life. Even sleep.

I know it's not just me. Does it ever get better? Is retirement less grating and stressful? Wondering what it was all for. AIBU to want life to be generally less tedious?

OP posts:
Original poster
DameSaggyMith · 25/04/2018 22:43

Ah, I forgot the other part of my rant. Weight. I looked around at work today and realised that every single woman, no matter what age or size, is on some kind of diet regime. So on top of the general shitness mentioned above, even food isn't fun when we're all worrying and counting and wanting more.

OP posts:
Thehop · 25/04/2018 22:46

I’m fat old and knackered too. My kids are gorgeous and I love them but they are often twats. (The older 3 anyway. Youngest is young and cute still, but doesn’t sleep. Always something)

I figure I’ll enjoy being a crazy old bugger one day and live then 😂

Waspsarewankers · 25/04/2018 22:53

No it never gets better.
As your kids grow up you have yo deal with the teen shit. And even when they are good sensible teens there is still traumatic shit to deal with.
Add to that ageing patents relying more and more on you.
Add to that your own ageing. The weight battle gets tougher, even the fittest get health scares and health problems.
Your looks start to fade sne even ig you were slways sn ugly fucker you jydy het ugluer. If you were half decent looks wise you need to get used to being invisible.
Work gets even more stressful as more is expected of you.
Somehow life just becomes more and more complicated with even more shit chucked in!

Original poster
DameSaggyMith · 25/04/2018 22:53

Oh no, I don't really want to be part of that.

OP posts:
FastWindow · 25/04/2018 22:56

I'm a little bit worried about the kids with parasites and viruses bit... The rest of it is just life.

TuTru · 25/04/2018 22:57

Mine doesn’t. It just changes. Kids get less viruses and then my parents start getting ill.
Get a better job and my partner starts overspending.
It’s pretty endless. But if you’re feeling too down about it or overwhelmed, see if you can do something about it for yourself. Xx

Ethylred · 25/04/2018 22:58

No life is not like that.
Next please.

Oddish · 25/04/2018 23:00

I’m finding it gets easier; kids becoming older and more self sufficient, confidence growing with age and not giving a fuck, revelling the invisibility and feeling free walking the streets, feeling less obliged all round and easier to say no... of course the days whiz past faster as we age but nothing anybody can do can stop that.

Jayteedee · 25/04/2018 23:01

Are your kids young by any chance? I really think this sounds like they are - and I do think it gets easier. These early years when they get all the winter illnesses going are so tough on parents. Depressing as hell when you don't like your job / money is tight. I empathise.

Original poster
DameSaggyMith · 25/04/2018 23:04

Re parasites and viruses, I have one with sensory sensitivity with worms, which has resulted in screaming at night tonight and yesterday, pretty much hourly baths tonight. Another with a cold.

Work is just awful, and I can't see an escape from this relentless graft of 70 hours a week of constantly being on it.

Nice to hear it's not always like that though Ethylred. Hopefully things will improve.

OP posts:
Tortycat · 25/04/2018 23:04

I read happiness is like a u shape curve (if plotted on a graph). Ie more happy as youth/ young adults, then falls in mud life with younger dc/ more responsibility/ aging parents etc, then increases again in older age as long as health and finances not too poor. Holding out this is true and it gets better as currently in the shitty middle bit too...

Mamabear1475 · 25/04/2018 23:05

No you just learn to get on with it. Because you don't have any other choice. If you ran away it would just get shitter anyway so we stick it out Grin

LanguidLobster · 25/04/2018 23:11

Not exactly, loss is part of life. So make it your mission to try to enjoy it whatever it may throw at you.

But yeah after a certain point it's like a graph, when downhill. Oh god that sounded bleak. I meant just enjoy it and of course we all wear out, that we all enjoy our heydays but certain indignities come with age. And always try to do what you want to do! It's not an exact science

MinaPaws · 25/04/2018 23:13

70 hours a week on a regular basis is insane. Is that normal in your profession? I feel for you.

I know it doesn't change any of the shit and the shit is usually the big stuff that is essential and overwhelmiing (work, money, DC, aging parents) but I do find it helps a bit to make little pockets of unshit time in each day. Putting on your favourite music while you have coffee; watching a good family film in your PJs with DC at weekends; getting outside for a walk/run/cycle/swim on your day off. When I went through a really tough time a few years ago, I read that there should always be something in your diary within the next few days that you're looking forward to, and something you can make happen every day that you look forward to, even if it's just a hot bath.

gandalf456 · 25/04/2018 23:17

How old are yours? They get easier as they get older. People do talk about teens but you can at least have interesting conversations and you have less guilt about making them do things themselves and not bugging you.

70 hours sounds tough. I have 2 children, 9 and 13 and I do 27 which still feels a lot

Original poster
DameSaggyMith · 25/04/2018 23:19

Thank you Mina, that helped. That's what I'm missing, anything that I actually enjoy. I do exercise on my one day off because I feel I have to, but I don't enjoy it. If we go for a meal I'm worrying about the work I do. If watching a film at home, the temptation is there to get some work done. I get work emails every day, often late at night, and I am expected to respond, so I can never switch off. I think it might be driving me a bit up the wall.

I reached the conclusion that I need to change jobs a while ago. I am well paid and well respected, but it's at such a high cost, that I can't justify it. I will be leaving relatively soon, but to a similar role, and I also need to get through the next few months without just hating life.

Sorry, this thread was supposed to be more general than this, it's turned into a personal moan.

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 25/04/2018 23:22

Sounds like you need a break

MirriVan · 25/04/2018 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WomaninGreen · 25/04/2018 23:27

If you can afford to work fewer hours then I recommend it
I swear my skin was zombie grey when I did those hours.

Plus I could never remneber anything that wasn't work

If you can reduce then do.

ILoveDolly · 25/04/2018 23:28

Not every woman is on a diet and not enjoying food.
I want to be upbeat, I really do. I love my life, I'm happy with my weight and appearance, I love my husband, I have three happy kids and I love what I do as work. My garden and house are pleasant and I have a lot of close lovely friends. Oh yeah. But I have got lung cancer even though I don't smoke. Hey ho, life is a bit shit. Try to enjoy what good things you've got.

enjoyingscience · 25/04/2018 23:32

I'm with you!

Never seem to find a balance - work anxiety, kids, health, over commitment all round. Mostly my fault (except health, which is just bad luck) - taking too much on etc etc.

That said, I'm not on a diet. Yet.

It is a bit terrifying that I'll look back on this as the good times - lovely cute wonderful kids, well paid job and all that, and I'm so busy and stressed I can't see it now. If I count my blessings I know they are there, but it doesn't mean that I can enjoy them.

I hope you find a better balance in your new role :)

BonsaiBear · 25/04/2018 23:33

What on earth justifies those sort of hours? Is it financial? A career motivation? I feel for you it sounds horrible I'd want to shoot myself if I had to do that regularly. I'd honestly say that unless you couldn't afford to live at all then whatever your job is it's not worth making it into your entire life.

I hope the similar role is fewer hours?

Flowers
tierraJ · 25/04/2018 23:34

My life is full of shit right now as I have the lovely d&v bug!!

I was supposed to be going back to work tomorrow but after 48 hours clear I've got diarrhoea again!

I work at a hospital and have just had to phone in & say I won't be in tomorrow, I feel so guilty but can't get away from the toilet again.

Grasslands · 25/04/2018 23:36

i can't complain my life to date (over 60 years) has never been "shit".
today is particularly good.

nursy1 · 25/04/2018 23:37

Yes. There’s the count your blessings route which helps. Best wishes to you Dolly. X
Life is better when you get off the work treadmill and retire, providing of course you have worked like a dog for 40 years in order to afford it without penny pinching.
This is reminding me of the recent thread “AIBU to not want to work that hard”
My vote is still with Universal Basic Income where we could step off the treadmill for a few years with young kids and still have basic needs covered.

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