Online Dating red flags

[UnsuspectedItem]

I'm single and travel a lot for work and reasonably antisocial so lurk in the wonderful world of OLD in the fading hope of finding someone normal.

The same phrases and photo types keep coming up.

AIBU to make presumptions based on them? I probably am, perhaps the Perfect Man is slipping past whilst I'm hoiking my judgey pants?

• Describes themselves as "flirty"
• Includes naked/half naked selfie
• Selfie taken in bed
• In "ethical non monogamous marriage"
• Describes self as "explorer" or "adventurer", despite working in accounts with main holiday destination being Benidorm.
• Uses "lol" at any point
• Writes "u" instead of "you", "wot" instead of "what" etc
• Refuses to put any info in bio, instead saying "wots the point, lol. Jus ask!" That's not the point!!
• Lies about height. (I'm 5 foot 9, I wish height wasn't important but it is)
• Any mention of fetishes
• Photos that include swimming with dolphins/being picked up by elephants etc.

I'm sure there are loads more but I'm. Probably already coming across as a judgey twunt.

Funny list

People that describe themselves as “mad” & give off that “I’m crazy me” vibe are generally the most annoying people on the planet.

There's a trend for starting the profile with poetry or an inspirational quote at the moment.

“To You, To Me” -

Barry Chuckle 1997

All women seem to like a quiet night in on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a DVD

@PanGalaticGargleBlaster (great name) really? I kind of want to set up a fake male profile just to be nosey at "the other side" of online dating.
I wonder how many clichés I'm ticking (though not the sofa and wine one)

• In "ethical non monogamous marriage" I wish I had a pound...

University of life

Holding a fucking fish.

A friend said that if a guy includes a picture of his torso without his head showing, it means that he has a wife or girlfriend and doesn't want them to know he's doing OLD.

@Smeaton please do! I'm agog with nosiness about what women write!

Profile picture with their kids
Men who say their kids are their life and never see said kids
When they put sosjwhwkrntkrjens or something similar as their bio
Men with profile pictures with other women
When the first message is hey sexy

I could go on 😂

Male here and OLD dating refugee (given up).

I could level most of the above criticisms at the female profiles, albeit slightly differently -

Women to Men - why in fuck would a picture of you with a fish/motorbike etc be interesting?
Men to Women - Same reason your profile name includes "the cat", contains many cat photos and lots about your cats.

Also highly confused by women's profiles where they appear in lingerie or otherwise leaving very little to the imagination - what is the point of that exactly?

Lots of female profiles also used to have the "just ask" thing, too.

OLD is a weird world I am so glad to be out of.

I set up a second FB profile purely to register with tinder and changed gender for a while to see how other women set their profiles up. For every fish holding man there’s a horse riding woman. Quite a few very demanding profiles “I dress well and take pride in my appearance and expect the same of you”. I had a mental list of wants and things to avoid but it’s very off putting listing them in a bio. Men do the same though “no cranks, don’t message after a few glasses of wine just for an ego boost”. The school of hard knocks/university of life should be banished! I found a cracker though so was lucky and now my friend often lets me do some swiping on her behalf, that’s very good fun.

I have no cat or lingerie photos. Maybe this is where I've been going wrong

All of the above irritate me. Also, mountain biking seems to be a disproportionately popular hobby amongst men on OLD sites.

I'm really far too cynical and judgemental for online dating

Photo of their car

Profile picture of 2 or more women... No clue who is actually the one you're messaging.
^ This - far more than you'd think, too WTAF?

Lots women with photos of car, horse, cat(s) - quite often these pics don't even include the potential datee

Lots more on the balcony of holiday hotel room

Also far too many (men and women) where you can see the phone in the mirror - pretty much every phone has selfie/front camera now - all cameras (and many phones) have a self timer, and some people even have........a friend.

I haven't fallen into any of these clichés yet! Hurray!

I won't reply to a "Hey" message on OLD which is probably not fair but 9/10 it means they've not read my profile.

I've had a fair few blatant cut and paste intros too.

Also far too many (men and women) where you can see the phone in the mirror - pretty much every phone has selfie/front camera now - all cameras (and many phones) have a self timer, and some people even have........a friend.

😂😂

I always used to think how tragic it is that this (I'm my case) man doesn't even have 1 friend to take a photo of them. I don't want to be anyones only friend in the world!

"I'm a part time dad"

Also far too many (men and women) where you can see the phone in the mirror - pretty much every phone has selfie/front camera now - all cameras (and many phones) have a self timer, and some people even have........a friend.

It’s when you can see that they have not flushed the toilet in the background that really cracks me up.

Mentioned already is liberal photos of cats

Soft focus black and white ‘arty’ shots

Lying about age

Lying about weight

“Email to find out more” when they have actually said nothing on their profile

Lists, lots of women seem to like lists of ‘red line’ non negotiable likes/dislikes - usually involving height, minimum income, hair on head etc

Loads of women seeking a “partner in crime”

Lists, lots of women seem to like lists of ‘red line’ non negotiable likes/dislikes - usually involving height, minimum income, hair on head etc

This is so off putting isn’t it? I always had my mental list and expectations and would suss out through normal conversation whether they were likely to be met (and whether they were still important). I never swiped right on any man who stipulated specifics.