Online Dating red flags

[UnsuspectedItem]

I'm single and travel a lot for work and reasonably antisocial so lurk in the wonderful world of OLD in the fading hope of finding someone normal.

The same phrases and photo types keep coming up.

AIBU to make presumptions based on them? I probably am, perhaps the Perfect Man is slipping past whilst I'm hoiking my judgey pants?

• Describes themselves as "flirty"
• Includes naked/half naked selfie
• Selfie taken in bed
• In "ethical non monogamous marriage"
• Describes self as "explorer" or "adventurer", despite working in accounts with main holiday destination being Benidorm.
• Uses "lol" at any point
• Writes "u" instead of "you", "wot" instead of "what" etc
• Refuses to put any info in bio, instead saying "wots the point, lol. Jus ask!" That's not the point!!
• Lies about height. (I'm 5 foot 9, I wish height wasn't important but it is)
• Any mention of fetishes
• Photos that include swimming with dolphins/being picked up by elephants etc.

I'm sure there are loads more but I'm. Probably already coming across as a judgey twunt.

I used to get "hey" or "hows you" occasionally from women too - I didn't reply to those.

My chap’s first message to me was pitch perfect, stood out. You get the serious “Hi Cat, how was you day?”, the creepy “Hello my beautiful angel”, inappropriate “alright sexy” and the bland “Hi, thanks for matching!” The first message is so important and I was often the first to message

Aside from the unsolicited dick pic on one profile today, this has got to be Today's Cringiest

Never mind.

OP, that is too funny for words!

Pass me the bucket

Oh Unsuspecteditem that is a brilliant one!!

I politely turned someone down this weekend and received a torrent of abuse about how pathetic I was. I sent a lot of emoticons with tears running down their faces in hysterical laughter and then blocked him.

I've just had a really disturbing one talking about finding a "cute, slim, teenage boy" or "older dominant type" with a preference for someone who is familiar with "the furry scene" whatever the fuck that is.

Smeaton it’s a Borat style mankini. Seriously, they’re a thing.

UnsuspectedItem, how could you resist?!! Lots of potential there.

I was generally alarmed at all the lol's. I can barely type the word without feeling a great urge to kick something.

The selfies some men take where the phone appears to be angled under the chin a little, treating the viewer to a panoramic vista of chin and nostrils 😰😷

Being a 'Furry' is when they dress up as animals... Grown adults pretending to be squirrels and rabbits..

But whyyyy?

Anyone who describes themselves as having a GSOH. You can guarantee that they are a miserable cunt person.

And if a man says he's 5 ft 8 inches tall,I can guarantee he will be 5 ft 3 inches. 5 ft 8 inches seems to be the 'default' height stated by short men. I've got absolutely nothing against short men,but just he honest about it!

be

My OLD days are way over, but gosh- some of the things I saw on dating websites!

Depends what you want ... I met my DH this way some 18 years ago, and hated it when men sent pictures of their cars/motorbikes etc. If I wanted one of those I'd just go and buy it. Or the boastful ones about how successful/rich they are. My sister started OLD a few years back and asked me for some tips - told her the above, and she said 'great, that's what I want - someone with money!'

'Family, friends and laughter. Love to get home and relax after a day at work. Looking for someone to share nice times with.'

Is there anything in there that doesn't describe everyone, ever, in the entire Tindersphere?

That one sounds ok velourvoyager. I’d click.

Photo of man holding a fish
Lift selfie - man in a lift taking a selfie of himself in the mirror
Driving selfie
Anyone who describes himself as a nice guy, or unlucky in love, or says things like "come and say hi if you're done running after the bad boys"
PUKE!!

I refused to consider anyone who hadn't written a bio on tinder.

But then I found my OH, and his bio was four words long! But such perfect words

Fifi admittedly not the worst but they might as well have written nothing! (That's not one specific one I've copied out by the way, it's a composite of many. I wonder if they've all paired up by now, seeing as though they have literally everything in common.)

Oh god. I'm about to enter the world of online dating. Perhaps I shouldn't. This all seems so complicated.

I don't dress up as furry animals or take photos in my underwear. Do people really do this?