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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Online Dating red flags

79 replies

UnsuspectedItem · 19/03/2018 11:32

I'm single and travel a lot for work and reasonably antisocial so lurk in the wonderful world of OLD in the fading hope of finding someone normal.

The same phrases and photo types keep coming up.

AIBU to make presumptions based on them? I probably am, perhaps the Perfect Man is slipping past whilst I'm hoiking my judgey pants?

  • Describes themselves as "flirty"
  • Includes naked/half naked selfie
  • Selfie taken in bed
  • In "ethical non monogamous marriage"
  • Describes self as "explorer" or "adventurer", despite working in accounts with main holiday destination being Benidorm.
  • Uses "lol" at any point
  • Writes "u" instead of "you", "wot" instead of "what" etc
  • Refuses to put any info in bio, instead saying "wots the point, lol. Jus ask!" That's not the point!!
  • Lies about height. (I'm 5 foot 9, I wish height wasn't important but it is)
  • Any mention of fetishes
  • Photos that include swimming with dolphins/being picked up by elephants etc.

I'm sure there are loads more but I'm. Probably already coming across as a judgey twunt. Blush

OP posts:
Smeaton · 19/03/2018 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hoping4alotterywin · 19/03/2018 23:59

Too many to list but here goes;

my children are my world
I'm not looking for drama
I'm not into long text conversations
If you're a Tory swipe on (just FYI I'm not but that made me swipe past because the impression given was he's always right and therefore couldn't possibly listen to another opinion)
Lots of cycling photos
The same photo twice just with different filters
Every photo of him with a drink in his hand
Wants to have kids and settle down but then photos are mainly of him dressed in fancy dress off his t*ts at a festival

blackteasplease · 20/03/2018 00:16

hopping I still have no idea what they mean by drama. Do they mean they don't like the theatre?

Also the fact they all say they are "well travelled".

blackteasplease · 20/03/2018 00:18

And any list of requirements that they either do or don't want in a matchee immediately turns me off too.

Plus the bloke on bumble who decided to mansplain bumble to the women "you have to make the first move on here ladies" - I think he had a lot of people match with him by accident!

SneakyGremlins · 20/03/2018 00:34

I only have experience with Grindr but Shirtless, no face pic - married guy. 95% of the time.

Also three guys in a photo - who am I talking to???

Original poster
UnsuspectedItem · 20/03/2018 05:20

I haven't tested this theory but anyone who feels the need to brag about their sexual prowess on their profile or just in general is shit in bed.

OP posts:
justanotheruser18 · 20/03/2018 05:38

This thread is a brilliant read.

Sally2791 · 20/03/2018 05:56

So funny. And sad. There is surely no hope of finding a good match unless you are honest about yourself - or am I being naive?

WhatAm1doing · 20/03/2018 06:10

Been a while since I did OLD managed to meet my lovely OH when I was though.

My biggest bug bear was height..I’m 5ft 11 and always made it clear don’t tell me you’re 5ft 10 and turn up at 5ft 5. I will and notice and will instantly not trust anything else you’ve said. Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against short guys one of my ex’s was 5ft 6 but he was honest about it.

Hated ...just ask and “school of life”
Pics of groups of guys ...Guarantee he’s the ugly bald short one
Pics of fish, bikes, cars , with ex cropped out and best of all with their wedding rings on!

Fantail · 20/03/2018 07:34

I have in the past done OLD, but I’m in New Zealand.

Here there are photos with the fish/deer/wild pig or crayfish you have just caught.

Wanting to climb Machu Picchu is a common aspiration.

Also, don’t put your wedding photo with your ex cropped out!

Original poster
UnsuspectedItem · 20/03/2018 10:11

Today's favourite...

OP posts:
Smeaton · 20/03/2018 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
UnsuspectedItem · 20/03/2018 10:21

@Smeaton

I swear it's a normal dating site!! And my profile is very normal, no suggestion of wanting to "join in" on any alternative "fun" .

OP posts:
seizethecuttlefish · 20/03/2018 10:38

I met DH on OLD. But there were some crackers. Bios like:
Be aware, I'm very sexual. Nice, jog on. You're also a tit!
I want to get to know the real you. It's what's inside that matters. Just a hint, don't specify height, looks and weight then.
Looking for someone sexually compatible before I commit. Let me just confirm that we get it on, you rate me and we go from there? Has that line ever worked for you?
I'm a professional sportsman and that will always come first. Good to know, your partner likes to be second fiddle to a golf club/hockey stick/football.

When I was online the number of men who liked long walks and seemed to think pictures of windswept beaches were enough information was huge.

It's all coming flooding back to me! Wink

frankchickens · 20/03/2018 10:43

Most of the complaints about men in OLD apply to women too - pics of beaches, daft requirements, lies about age, height (yes really).

It can be a depressing place with so little truth and such unrealistic aspirations.

PlausibleSuit · 20/03/2018 10:58

Fellow Grindr survivor. You do become immune to it after a while. I used to get a lot of unbidden willies followed by a location map. I was like, no dinner? No movie?

Sneaky with the three guys, it's always: 'ooh, that one? No? Oh, OK. THAT one.'

The married ones are always in the 'discreet' tribe. 😩

dimots · 20/03/2018 11:01

Those screenshots unexpected is showing are from OkCupid I think.
I tried that site and it did seem to have more weirdos than others - I think the question format encourages them because there's a sex section.
I went back to Tinder - fewer oddballs.

SneakyGremlins · 20/03/2018 11:05

Plausible I've had it where the guy wasn't even one of the three!

NotUmbongoUnchained · 20/03/2018 11:14

I love swiping for my sister Grin

I pulled my husband by stuffing an entire cheeseburger in my mouth and impressing him thoroughly. I guess that would be my profile pic and one of my top qualities.

PlausibleSuit · 20/03/2018 11:17

Sneaky ha! I think I have too. The old bait and switch.

I also had a guy send me a pic of Chad Michael Murray (remember One Tree Hill?). When challenged, he said, 'well everyone says I look like him'.

He didn't.

NordicNobody · 20/03/2018 11:19

I met my dp online. His profile pic was him posing next to a cake that was made to look like his own face. After a zillion half naked selfies I thought brilliant, finally, here's someone who isn't obviously insecure and takes himself too seriously.

The thing that used to annoy me most with OLD was that I set a word limit on POF so that first messages had to be 50 words or longer (to filter out the idiots just writing "hey") and still ended up with loads of "hey" messages followed by some random letter 50 times to fill up the word count! I mean, get the bloody hint!

frankchickens · 20/03/2018 11:19

There is surely no hope of finding a good match unless you are honest about yourself - or am I being naive?

I'd agree but it really does seem as if 99% of OLD participants don't.

frankchickens · 20/03/2018 11:21

BTW - I know spelling and grammar can be touchy subjects on here, but one of my favourite profiles was one where she described herself as "independant and interlectual"

NordicNobody · 20/03/2018 11:23

Oh, and there was one guy who messaged me "hey" about once a month for an entire year! I never replied. His penultimate message was "look, I just really want to date a doctor, ok?!" (I was a med student) followed a month later by "fine, if you won't talk to me, can you at least introduce me to some hot med students?". No I can't, you freak.

littlewoollypervert · 20/03/2018 11:24

A guy told me I had a nice set of teeth.
I thought it was hilarious until I realised he thought it was a serious compliment. Does he think I'm a horse?