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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very fussy friend

104 replies

ThisLittleKitty · 10/02/2018 12:03

So friend went on a first date yesterday, she said they went to a restaurant and he walked in first and sat down and how it was "rude." I said oh you was expecting him to open the door and pull out your chair, she said yes. And he "won't be getting a second date" aibu in thinking this is waaaaay to fussy. And personally as she's single and over 30 and hasn't had a relationship in years I'm quite surprised something so small would be such a big deal to her.

OP posts:
Deshasafraisy · 10/02/2018 12:04

Really none of your business. I’m sure if she fancied him she would have overlooked his lack of chivalry

Eliza9917 · 10/02/2018 12:06

I met someone once for dinner & drinks, got there and the rude fucker had already eaten!

I think it's good to have standards and she should stick to them if that's what she thinks.

Tbh it is a bit rude, although I probably wouldn't have noticed and just sat down.

greendale17 · 10/02/2018 12:07

Bore off with the none of your business crap.

Anyway back to the OP- yes she is fussy. Probably expects a man to pay for everything and drive her everywhere too

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 10/02/2018 12:07

Well she made it my buisness by texting it to me whilst on the date. I didn't ask. She said he's good looking but she's use to a certain standard.

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 10/02/2018 12:07

Maybe that is why she hasn't had a relationship in years.

liza that is so rude, but I had to laugh.

KungFuEric · 10/02/2018 12:09

All relationships are about is having certain expectations and finding someone who meets most/all of them.

NewYearNiki · 10/02/2018 12:15

And personally as she's single and over 30 and hasn't had a relationship in years I'm quite surprised something so small would be such a big deal to her.

Are we single ladies just supposed to drop all our standards then?

Are you a smug coupled up one then?

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 10/02/2018 12:19

Has no I'm single. (But not looking) well let's face it she isn't getting any younger.

OP posts:
senua · 10/02/2018 12:19

texting it to me whilst on the date.

Isn't that rude, though? If someone texted in front of me or disappeared of to the loo for a long time, I'd be offended.

specialsubject · 10/02/2018 12:20

Sorry, bit old fashioned. If she wants equality she needs to remember it works both ways.

Trashboat · 10/02/2018 12:22

She obviously finds that kind of thing attractive in a potential partner. Why should she settle for someone who doesn't tick all the boxes?

Would you?

GodShaveTheQueen · 10/02/2018 12:24

Thislittlekitty Single and over 30 "isn't getting any younger" Confused. Heaven help the geriatric single people in their 40s...

I think it's perfectly reasonable for her to have standards. It might make it harder for her to find someone who matches up to them, but there's no point accepting stuff you don't like just in order not to be single. FWIW (which is very little), I would also expect a man to stand up and pull the chair out for me. I'd also expect him to pay.

NewYearNiki · 10/02/2018 12:24

Has no I'm single. (But not looking) well let's face it she isn't getting any younger.

Well neither are you getting any younger.

Why are you being such a bitch about her?

SprinkleCakeLollipop · 10/02/2018 12:25

Well if he can't be bothered to make an effort to be polite on a first date then I can see why that would be offputting. Good for her for having high standards I say.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 10/02/2018 12:28

Nothing wrong with having standards and you should never lower them just because “you’re getting on a bit”. In fact as you get older you have a better idea of what’s acceptable and what’s not so tend to have more standards than you did when you were younger. Not a bad thing.

That said I don’t expect anyone to hold doors open for me or pull my chair out for me. The chair thing especially would make me feel like a child probably because it’s the sort of thing I do for my children.

Bambamber · 10/02/2018 12:28

YANBU to think she's fussy, YABU to judge her for it though. We all look for different things in potential partners, why should she change her expectations because of her age? It's better than dating someone who doesn't really tick all the boxes then expect them to change

MeganBacon · 10/02/2018 12:33

Actually, it is good manners for a man to walk into the restaurant first because he has to address the maitre d'. Okay though, it may not have been that kind of restaurant?
Sounds like she won't adapt to be suited to him so best to see that early on.

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 10/02/2018 12:36

Bitch about it?? She's had so many casual relationshios who have ended it with her because they don't want a relationship and she's always devasted and crying. But yet dismisses someone on something so small. If she actually wants to meet a decent guy them I'm abit Confused that's she's so fussy. I'm not looking for a relationship so I'm not fussed but it's harder to meet men once you get over a certain age. (Decent men anyway.)

OP posts:
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 10/02/2018 12:36

I think you're rude "she isn't getting any younger"...does that mean she should lower her standards and take what she can get?! Yes it is fussy to expect a certain kind of behaviour on a date but that's her prerogative, if he likes a guy to open doors and pull out chairs then that's what she likes! As a PP said if she really liked him she may have overlooked this but hey ho! You say she made it your business by texting you, she was obviously just venting!

My dh is a bit old fashioned, he opens doors for me etc but I quite like it!

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 10/02/2018 12:37

It's not just her age it's the fact she hasn't had a proper relationship in about 5 years despite looking constantly in this time.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 10/02/2018 12:39

Then don't vent to people if you don't want them to have an opinion! That's what diaries are for.

OP posts:
duckingfisaster · 10/02/2018 12:40

Sounds like she needs a man from the 1950's (so needs to start dating 80 year olds!). She's really not old though, or a 'certain age'! You'll probably realise that when you grow up.

unenthusiasticfuturedancemom · 10/02/2018 12:40

If she's the kind of person that finds that rude there's absolutely no point in her gritting her teeth and baring it. The relationship will hit the buffers when she can't grit her teeth anymore.

However if she is only prepared to pick a man from a very small pool of candidates she needs to be pragmatic about her chances of finding 'the one.'

I can understand the OP being tired of her friend complaining, but the number of rejects her friend has piled up is totally irrelevant.

Bluntness100 · 10/02/2018 12:40

How Far over thirty is she? 40 years over? I doubt many of us would even notice this.

I suspect he didn't like her or want to see her again, and this is just a bullshit saving face excuse. That's how ludicrous I think it is.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/02/2018 12:41

I agree with you OP. It's good to have standards, but about important things.