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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is my dh making notes one, aibu to ask ?!?!

104 replies

Oneandoneontheway · 07/02/2018 23:49

Had to use dh phone this eve ( which he knew about) swiped right instead of left and it brought up his memo pad . on it was a record of a conversation we had weeks ago . basically he had tried to talk to me about a TV programme and i had told him to ssssh as i was reading a book ,maybe a bit rude, but no big deal. However, why is he making a memo record of this ?!?!! Should i / would you ask him why ??!!

OP posts:
DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 07/02/2018 23:50

What exactly had he written? It’s quite odd. Did you look for any other notes?

timeisnotaline · 07/02/2018 23:51

Hmm. When people on here talk about making notes they tend to be building a case to have it all out in a big discussion / blow up don’t they?

Jamiefraserskilt · 07/02/2018 23:53

Uh oh someone's in for a talk!

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 07/02/2018 23:54

He just wrote a transcript of the conversation, i cant work out why. It wasn't some big argument, he was just irritated by my lack of response that evening. Its weird isn't it ??

OP posts:
saladdays66 · 07/02/2018 23:58

I’ve read this before here. Op, have you posted the same thing before?

Cabininthewoods69 · 07/02/2018 23:59

I used to write down when dh was a dick to me so when it either got to much or we had an argument I wasn't on the spot trying to think of things that have led to event

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 08/02/2018 00:05

nope, first time this has happened to me . i have checked now to see if he's written anything else, but cant find anything. Just feel super suspicious

OP posts:
Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 08/02/2018 00:06

ugh feel like a dick , if he feels like he needs to make notes of arguments, not that it was even a fall out !!!!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 08/02/2018 00:08

See, I don't understand why, at the point you were standing there with his phone in your hand, and you found it, you didn't put a puzzled look on and go "Er, dh, what is this all about ?"

Can't help thinking if, in that situation, you can't just ask him, then him making an odd note isn't the biggest of your worries. He's your dh - ask him!!

elessar · 08/02/2018 00:10

Err yes if I was you I would just ask him.

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 08/02/2018 00:11

Yes you are quite right ! I should have asked him then and there, then the longer i didn't then the weirder it got . i may just ask him on Friday after some wine. Think i have a wee bit of anxiety because we haven't been getting on for a couple of months....

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 08/02/2018 00:15

Well, he sounds like a tosspot. Is he abusive in any way? Is he rude to you, or violent, or critical of your parenting?
Mind you, he may be the sort of loser who writes little lists of every time someone doesn't instantly give in to his whims (workmates, the bus driver who sighed when he didn't have the right change, the person who bought the last doughnut in the shop) - does that sound likely?

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 08/02/2018 00:17

He’s probably showing it to someone. What else would you need a transcript of a conversation for? Either that or he is keeping it as evidence of your unreasonable behaviour to throw back at you during a future argument. Which is weird.

TattyCat · 08/02/2018 00:17

Ugh. I think you're right to be concerned. My ex made a list of things he didn't like about me. And read it out to me. I eventually left him.

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 08/02/2018 00:18

he is a list kinda person,but not abusive in any kind. It also kinda made me think that 10 years ago he used to send me an email every morning saying lovely things and no he writes notes of how i have pissed him off !!!!

OP posts:
Pandoraphile · 08/02/2018 00:20

Sorry OP but that did really make me giggle! I have this image of him crouched over his phone and scowling as he tap-tap-taps the screen GrinGrinGrin

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 08/02/2018 00:23

i agree ! It prob was funny ! But i was clearly pissing him off too much to notice ! Im a bad wife 🤣

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/02/2018 00:27

I’m a note keeper. I wouldn’t keep a transcript of a convo unless it was something incredibly important and essential but I do tend to keep track of odd things and it’s usually when I’m trying to work out if I’m being an arse or not OR the other person defo is and I’m working out if positives outweigh negatives or not.
But there is not a chance in hell anybody could access those notes nor know of there existence because I fully accept that whilst in my own head I need a particular type of thought processing to happen to work stuff out, some people could find that a bit cold and hurtful

Lalliella · 08/02/2018 00:31

Can you “accidentall” delete it?

Allthewaves · 08/02/2018 00:33

His way of venting and getting over stuff?

MrsCrabbyTree · 08/02/2018 00:39

If you have a wall calendar make little passive aggressive cryptic notes on it, the days you have any disagreement, large or small. Give him something to worry about. Grin

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/02/2018 01:04

I smell someone trying to find a reason to leave. Sorry but that was my first instinct after you said that you havent been getting on very well.

Any changes in his habits/dress/work/social life?

UnRavellingFast · 08/02/2018 01:33

Perhaps he's unhappy and trying to work out why. Might be worth having a chat with wine and just saying 'it makes me think I haven't been listening enough - is that the case?' Even if a bit unfair on you it gives him the chance to let it all out. It's hard to do but if you can listen without comment and save up your side of things for another time it might clear lines of communication? Sorry you're having this worry, it must feel horrible. On the bright side at least both of you care enough to worry hopefully!

TheMaddHugger · 08/02/2018 02:36

I hate being interrupted when I am reading. I really get into the page and story.
He's a dick for assuming his want to talk to you about a tv show trumps your right to be reading.

but then I am dyslexic and cannot switch easily from talking to reading and back and forth, so on and so forth

MrsDilber · 08/02/2018 03:24

I'd have to ask, no matter how weird the timing.

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