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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is my dh making notes one, aibu to ask ?!?!

104 replies

Oneandoneontheway · 07/02/2018 23:49

Had to use dh phone this eve ( which he knew about) swiped right instead of left and it brought up his memo pad . on it was a record of a conversation we had weeks ago . basically he had tried to talk to me about a TV programme and i had told him to ssssh as i was reading a book ,maybe a bit rude, but no big deal. However, why is he making a memo record of this ?!?!! Should i / would you ask him why ??!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 08/02/2018 07:47

I feel like he wrote because he didn't want to forget and wanted to bring it up later, or he meant to text it to someone and wrote it on a memo in error!? Either way i want to know and will ask him tonight. Plus if it was meant for someone else, then why was he telling them and who was it for. It was a little rude of me , but we have 2 dc and one is 6 months old, so reading time is precious to me

OP posts:
Antigonads · 08/02/2018 07:50

When DH is pissing me off I send myself texts.

Cabininthewoods69 · 08/02/2018 07:52

Could you talk to him about It? I have to write most things down as I forget everything and my husband can be intimidating at times so then I just go to putty. I generally have a lovely marriage honest

RandomDreams · 08/02/2018 07:52

Can you “accidentall” delete it?

Don't do this, it's controlling.

kaytee87 · 08/02/2018 07:53

Sadly it sounds like he's getting together reasons to leave.

Battleax · 08/02/2018 07:53

Maybe a way of processing it? Analyzing what causes arguments or working on communication?

Battleax · 08/02/2018 07:55

Not necessarily "bad", anyway.

Lethaldrizzle · 08/02/2018 07:56

His behaviour is odd but you tell I g him to shh because you're reading is really rude and maybe is a big deal to him.

PurpleRobe · 08/02/2018 07:57

Was the voice-to-text recorder accidentally activated on his phone ? Maybe he doesn't know it's there

Or was it not word for word?

Just thinking of alternatives!

AwesomeMixTapeVol1 · 08/02/2018 07:58

I've done this before. My OH often did a certain thing/spoke in a certain way to me but ALWAYS denied he did it. I made notes of when it happened so I could give him examples (had to pick my times to talk to him carefully) when we did speak about it. I never used the notes but it made me feel better for having them, like he couldn't convince me it was all in my head.

PlaymobilPirate · 08/02/2018 07:59

Maybe he's going to post it on dadsnet or similar?

UnderslungBowlingBall · 08/02/2018 07:59

TheMaddHugger
By that logic OP is also a dick for assuming her right to be reading trumps his right to talk to her.

ALLIS0N · 08/02/2018 08:01

He’s compiling a charge sheet of all the things you do wrong and How you don’t pay attention to him and only to the kids and how neglected he is.

He resents you having free time for yourself ( reading ) when you should have been massaging his ego by listening to his opinions about a tv show.

The cure for this is to make sure that his every waking hour is taken up with the kids and housework so he doesn’t have time to feel sorry for himself.

Grab any free time you can in the day to read ( you know like he doesn’t at lunchtime at work and on the commute ).

Spend evenings doing housework and make sure he does as much as you once he comes in from work and at weekends.

I’d also be suspicious about who else he might be showing his lists to.

nellly · 08/02/2018 08:06

I sometimes wonder if we have a tendency to rush to the extreme end on here Grin op I'm a list writer and lover not unlike your Dh, I make lists and notes of all sorts of things that would seem really unnecessary to others. I have made notes of arguments or disagreements with my partner, I'm not looking to leave or compile evidence and certainly wouldn't dream of sending to anyone. It's just my way of sort of unpacking them mentally, especially if i may be unclear as to what went wrong.
We're not in an abusive relationship at all and arguments are rare and minor, it's just how I do things!
It might be something serious but if all else is good it could just be his way of dealing with things, likely he never intended anyone to see

TheChildrensPresenter · 08/02/2018 08:10

Could he have pressed the audio button by mistake and it's listened and transcribed itself?

Lethaldrizzle · 08/02/2018 08:11

Underslung I don't think there's ever really a good case for telling a partner to shh in those kind of circumstances. It wouldn't have hurt her to look up from her book for 2 minutes

TyrannosaurusBex · 08/02/2018 08:11

My DH grabs a pad and starts making notes WHILE we're arguing. Let me tell you, this does not pour oil on troubled waters.

GunnyHighway · 08/02/2018 08:11

Why is it when a bloke does something he's automatically a dick? Even when that something is advised on this site (keeping evidence in this case)

As always we have one side of the story, no real background but already the accusations of abusive/controlling behaviour is out there.

Solly76 · 08/02/2018 08:12

You need to have a proper talk. I used to keep records of what happened and dates when I was building a case for unreasonable behaviour when I wanted to leave my husband, purely as a way to remember . I'm not saying that's the case here, and I hope for your sake it's not. I hope you can sort it out.

hipsrose · 08/02/2018 08:15

I really don't think it's that weird. Sometimes when I'm annoyed about something I vent by typing it out in my notes app on my phone. Not to compile evidence against anyone - I just feel better having written it down!

CupofBeans · 08/02/2018 08:19

Could it have happened by accident? I had a whole conversation typed out in messages once by accidentally pressing the voice to text button.

Nikephorus · 08/02/2018 08:21

I have made notes of arguments or disagreements with my partner, I'm not looking to leave or compile evidence and certainly wouldn't dream of sending to anyone. It's just my way of sort of unpacking them mentally, especially if i may be unclear as to what went wrong.
This ^^ If you write it down you can see whether you were being as (un)reasonable as you think. It's no different to re-reading an email conversation when you think you might have come across too strong and you want to look at it later when it all seems calmer.
Why do some people seem to take great pleasure in declaring someone else's marriage practically over?!

NathanTheProphet · 08/02/2018 08:31

My XH was a great one for making notes of conversations. It was one of many things I came to loathe about him.

Just saying...

IamAporcupine · 08/02/2018 08:33

ALLISON really?!

The guy wrote down an argument. That's all he did.
I do this all the time. As others have said, it helps me put my thoughts in order and keep track of my/his actions when we are going through a rough patch.

He might not be thinking of leaving, but even if he was, he is also allowed to do that.

OP, maybe he was trying to talk to you about other things and used the TV program as an 'opener' and felt bad about it all?

Alwayslumpyporridge · 08/02/2018 08:35

Could he be a bit sad that you are reading rather than engaging with him?

This year I have got back into reading and my DH got a bit miffed that I didn’t talk to him in the evening (one night and I blame Sabine durrant). If we are watching something together then at least we are sort of doing the same thing and often chat about what we are watching.

Writing it down suggests he is keeping a log, speak to him before that log gets used against you.

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