Period shits and javelin arse.

[AnachronisticCorpse]

My body is fucking with me. I haven’t bothered with periods for years and years (mirena) but for some reason Mother Nature has seen fit to curse me this weekend.

But this is just ridiculous. It’s like all the horrible weirdness at once. It’s not even that heavy flow now but I am in AGONY. And I’d forgotten about the horror that is the period shit, that was a fun half hour. And javelin arse, which weirdly I was only talking about the other day as one of those odd body quirks.

I’m in bed, curled up, with the dog as a hot water bottle. Ibuprofen hasn’t even slightly helped.

What I don’t get is that this is a monthly reality for some. Like, how do you function when your body is doing this to you regularly?

I’m just crossing my fingers that this isn’t some perimenopausal weirdness meaning I’ll be having proper periods from here on. Because I don’t think I can hack it.

(Totally posting as a distraction btw, I know I’m not BU)

Oh OP are you me? First period in over twelve years. Dispensed with mirena coil before Xmas after ten years. Thought I was prematurely perimenopausal (age 47, only conceived with IVF) but no! Suddenly - here’s period! No pain thankfully BUT concurrent with a UTI. Yesterday I was wiped out. Sympathy.

And thank you for lifting the veil on the mystery pain that will from this day forth be known as Javelin Arse (or rectus javlinanus in doctor language).

Oops misspelt that! It's proctalgia fugax, not 'fujax'.

I always thought it was just me! I've considered posting before but was worried I'd be accused of being the poo troll...

For javelin arse I end up employing pain relief techniques learned for labour. And the period poo! Oh I dread it and look forward to it in equal measure. Days of constipation pre-period followed by extensive javelin arse followed finally by a sudden and immediate need to poo. And it's always obscenely big.

Just looked that up Spangles but no mention of how common it is amongst menstruating women. I've never considered it a problem, just a pain the the arse!