Period shits and javelin arse.

[AnachronisticCorpse]

My body is fucking with me. I haven’t bothered with periods for years and years (mirena) but for some reason Mother Nature has seen fit to curse me this weekend.

But this is just ridiculous. It’s like all the horrible weirdness at once. It’s not even that heavy flow now but I am in AGONY. And I’d forgotten about the horror that is the period shit, that was a fun half hour. And javelin arse, which weirdly I was only talking about the other day as one of those odd body quirks.

I’m in bed, curled up, with the dog as a hot water bottle. Ibuprofen hasn’t even slightly helped.

What I don’t get is that this is a monthly reality for some. Like, how do you function when your body is doing this to you regularly?

I’m just crossing my fingers that this isn’t some perimenopausal weirdness meaning I’ll be having proper periods from here on. Because I don’t think I can hack it.

(Totally posting as a distraction btw, I know I’m not BU)

Another serious Endo sufferer here. Ive always called it bread knife arse but I like javelin much better!! I would deffo say buscopan is the way forward. I have a prescription anti-spasmodic and it's ace. I also get a fab case of what I call consti-diarrhoea. Feels like you're gonna shit your pants but then can't go for hours. So running to the loo for loadsa false alarms. It's fab at work, they must think I'm completely mental....Big to all those suffering. It really is a privilege to be a woman sometimes!!!

My period pain used to feel like contractions but without a break in the pain for 12 hours. shudders

Those of you suffering, please talk to your GP! You have to fight for referrals but it's a disgrace that so many women are told that debilitating pain is normal - it's not!

TMI alert...

Embarassingly, I had no idea that periods were supposed to be red until after I had my first excision surgery. Until then all my period blood had been black or brown. Then I had a bright red period and honestly thought I was bleeding to death, it scared me so much. I felt like Carrie FFS.

Oh god I had javelin arse all the way through labour with dd2. It was horrendous.

I always thought (based on zero medical knowledge) that javelin arse was linked to my 6 - 8 lbs water retention - maybe increased pressure on my insides or something?

I just wanted to post on this thread to grimly reminisce about the times I had to try to teach 32 teenagers - always alert for any signs of weirdness in their teachers - while inwardly feeling like Edward II.

My dd14 gets this. She takes Buscopan and mefanemic acid to help her.

Farting relieves it but you need to grit your teeth and push past the pain.

This is why I'd always assumed it was trapped wind!

God. Periods. Javelin arse, achy vulva, plasticine filled pelvis, all while bleeding.. Such Fun!

Personally I go with no caffeine, a bath as hot as I can handle with ibuprofen, and a nap, whilst never letting my hip/stomach area get cold (I wrap a folded fleece blanked around me for the day.

Sometimes that isn't enough, and I bring out the big guns of co-codamol, and that sorts it.

Oh OP are you me? I have the coil too and have had completely random painful awful period since Friday. Not sure what this means but am now worried that it is losing its effectiveness? Mine is due out next year.

A few days ago my husband gave me his best (worst) “come hither” look and as soon as he did I got a bad case of the javelin arse. Really, no pun intended. He was like....ermm, are you THAT turned off. I had to then explain what javelin arse was. I was telling him how I have to style it out if I’m in a meeting or something. It’s dreadful, and my periods are so heavy, that I have to reschedule fairly normal stuff sometimes, as I’ll need to go to the toilet at least once an hour. I go through a night pad and super plus tampon per hour in the first 2 days. I always donate tonnes of sanitary products to the foodbank and shelters etc. as it really hits a nerve for me, thinking how awful it would be to not have enough protection. Fellow javelin arses, you have my sympathy!

@TacoFlavouredKisses I'll be honest, I was calm until they took me to theatre. Had a wee panic to myself. Then woke up and thought "what have I done?" Within 18 hours, I had stopped bleeding, had no pain within 10 hours and spent 5 days in bed like advised by friends who had one. Lost 5lb that week too lol which everyone at my weigh in found funny as I was adamant I would gain 😂.

It was a smooth process.

Thanks Groovee, that's good to know!

Fancy I'm going to give it another period then go back to my doctor and push for an investigation.

This thread is great. I feel like we need a Javelin Arse Anonymous. Javelin Arsenonymous?

I don’t think it’s trapped wind, with me it feels like farting resets my sphincter.

Javelin arse!! I have bowel problems and get this when I go to the loo too much. My gastro did an examination and said I had a tiny haemorrhoid. I was saying noooo, it's not that, it was that bad once I had to pull over in the car and get out.
Why do the wise women of mumsnet know about javelin arse but not doctors!?!

Flabbermingo it's because your cervix is contracting in the same way (for those of us that have it like that)

Wow. I did not know there was a name for that particular joyful pain !!!

I thought I was the only person with javelin arse! I have super heavy, painful periods that start about 10 days before they really get going, then when my flow gets heavy I can barely leave the house for 2 days. I’ve described the butthole cramps to other women before but been met with blank looks!

Glad I'm not alone- and it has a name! Kept telling dp it was like a ghost trying to have anal with me!

Javelin arse. LOL. Like an actual lol-a real life lol. I genuinely laughed out loud. & I do suffer with javelin arse on occasion but have never known how to describe it.

Now I do.

Feel like I've joined an exclusive club - Javelin Arse - seriously thought I was alone in experiencing this joy of nature.

Another ‘aha!’ term I love is Nervous Fanny. When you’re a bit anxious and your vagina sort of clenches. I get it when I have to walk over a high bridge.

I used to get the most horrendous period pains from the age of about 9 (!!!) to before I had my DD aged 29. It was 20 years of utter awfulness - most probably on a par with contractions... Every. Single. Month.

I’m sure that is what made me think labour was just going to be a complete walk in the park. I think that’s why I got to about 5cm dilated and had no pain relief - the doctor looked pretty impressed! 😝 (I did have an epidural after though).

I used to take mefanemic acid too, and it was literally the only thing that ever worked. I seriously envied all my friends who didn’t ever get period pains at all, but in a way i’m glad I did as it made me more prepared for labour and a heck of a lot more stoical!

another javelin arser here. Although thinking about it it was more common in my 30s ... weird.

While we're all here, does anyone else get buzzing fanjo? Literally a vibrating feeling round the cervix?

Ah yes, javelin arse. If ever you see me stop walking/talking and rise up onto my tiptoes with a look of intense concentration...that's why.

My periods are fairly heavy but nothing like what some of youse are describing. Chapeau to you all.

omg I didn’t know javelin arse was a thing. I only just realised period shits were - how can I get to 40 and not know these things... (ok so it’s the patriarchy who is to blame).

I was in a meeting the other day with 8 men who were navel gazing. I was in so much pain and nearly lost it. I wanted to yell at them ‘I’m multi tasking here guys, I’m bleeding have cramps and listening to you call congratulate yourselves. I’m off motherfuckers I’ve got better things to do’.... I didn’t, I just smiled and nodded and quietly bled through my pad.

Oooh I also get the javelin arse thing, always have, randomly too, so I jump a mile in the air it can be quite embarrassing! And also I'm with you on hating period thing, I'm on my second period since having dd 9 months ago and it's bloody horrible, excuse the pun. Actually thought I was going to pass out with the pain and heaviness of it this morning and dh didn't seem to care so he's in the doghouse. And why do we crap so much at period time?