to not take time off work when people stay with us?

[Ellybellyboo]

We live in a very popular touristy area. School holidays/summer time mean we get a lot of visitors.

We’re quite lucky in that tue previous owners of our house converted the attic so we have a spare room/bathroom/teeny kitchenette up there so we have room for people to stay without too much hassle.

We don’t, as a rule, take time off work when people visit. If we invite friends/family over then we do, but otherwise I kind of expect people to get on with it then we’ll meet up in the evening for dinner/go to the pub/whatever

A couple of weeks ago a friend (someone that we used to be quite good friends with a long time ago but don’t hear from too much now) asked if her, her DH and their children could come and stay over half term. Fine.

Was chatting to her yesterday about times of arrival, confirming dates, etc, and I said don’t worry, I’ll leave them a spare key, they can come and go as they please.

She was a bit surprised and seemed a bit put out that we’d be at work/getting on with normal life during the day - DD1 has her GCSEs this year so will (hopefully) be having a good bash at some revising, DD2 has a horse so spends much of the school holidays farting about at the yard and DH and I are super busy at work and I haven’t got a lot of annual leave left anyway.

Got an email from them last night. They had been looking forward to seeing us and that they felt it was very rude we wouldn’t be there to show them around so had decided to cancel

I’m a bit pissed off actually, is it just me? They’re getting a weeks free holiday accommodation, if I took time off every time someone came here for a free holiday I’d have run out of annual leave by Easter

Yanbu. Never say yes to the c.f. again

Blimey.

WHy would you go for a family holiday effectively for free and expect people to take time off to be with you?

Yes if they asked yanbu. If you had invited them then ywbu

Rude to invite themselves for a week in the first place.

YANBU. We're living the same scenario, only I'm self employed so it's even harder explaining that I'm actually too busy to show people round when it looks like I'm sitting around the house in my pyjamas.

Holy cow they are rude!

Wow they are C.F's. Who invites themselves to someone else's home and then expects their hosts to take time off work for them?

I would email back
Hi, that's your prerogative to not come. I think it's rude to invite yourself over for a week and expect us to also take a week off. Don't know how much annual leave you get, but we get the basic amount. If we stopped our lives for every person who invited themselves, we wouldn't have much time for ourselves.

Of course Yanbu, but you just need to say to them what you've said here - ie lots of visitors, you can't take time off for everyone etc. Not unreasonable for your annual leave to be used for your family to actually go away, not entertain guests.

I'd just politely reply with something like the above and leave it like that. Once they realise they're one of numerous guests you've had they may realise how silly they sound and apologise.

Crikey. They are rude.

This is perfect DM fodder though!

She asked to stay with you, so no you’re not unreasonable. I sometimes have people to stay (we live in London) and I’m very clear if they’re here they amuse themselves without me during the day, I’ve no desire to drag round tourist London with two Pre-schoolers!

What did you reply?

At least you know that they actually wanted to see you...or at least wanted you for a tour guide!

YANBU - they are being very rude making that assumption of your time and hospitality for an entire week! If they were staying two nights and were hoping to see you on one day - fair enough - but a week when they invited themselves?!

I would send a short, polite email expressing surprise at their assumption and thanking them for letting you know...then breathe a sigh of relief at not having to go to the work and expense of having them stay.

You dodged a bullet there. Next time they ask tell them that it won't work for you. I've been in a similar situation so many times that I ended up saying no to everyone who asks to stay and only having people over that have been invited.

YANBU - you've been really generous and I feel really cross on your behalf.
They invited themselves - why should you use up your annual leave to be their personal tour guide? Why aren't they capable of entertaining themselves for a few hours during the day when, presumably, you'll be seeing them in the evenings?.
As someone else has said, if you'd invited them that may be different but if they invited themselves and are getting free accommodation that's really rude to just then cancel after you've been so generous.

Living in the southern hemisphere, people tend to stay for longer anyway, so I do take time off. However, I find it pretty consistently translates into me as tour guide and cook.

I am now more upfront about saying I would like a tank of petrol for the many long trips , thank you, and for the guest to cook meal once in a while. I can do a day's driving, but not cook at the end of it every day.

I suppose it’s how it’s been arranged; if I said to someone we’ll come down to see you then I’d assume they’d take time off work but then I’d not expect to go to someone’s just for the free accommodation and I’d wait to be invited.
It sounds like a misunderstanding and unless you’re sure she knows it might be worth pointing out that lots of people come and stay to use your place as a base and you thought they wanted to do the same thing.

When they asked you should have replied with “of course you can come, we would love to see you, sadly we can’t takr time off but will do stuff with you in the evenings.”
Yanbu

I think that would be the perfect reply 'if we took annual leave every time someone wanted a free stay in our lovely town, neither of us would have time to work! Perhaps it is best all round that you are not coming!'

I think I probably would have told them that you couldn’t take the time off when it was arranged. They are being cheeky but perhaps they genuinely are there to see you rather than just be tourists?

Actually, it sounds like a massive misunderstanding.

From their point of view, it sounds more like they were planning on taking a trip to come and visit you. We did this with DHs sister in Australia- yes, we got free accommodation in Sydney, but the whole point was to visit her and she took time off while we were there.

It sounds like you thought they were just using you as a holiday destination or for free room and board, which would make them CFs. I do think when they first approached you it would have been more normal to say 'great to see you in evenings, we'll be at work during the day but we'll catch up over the weekend'

I actually don't think they're being CFs, and I think it sounds like from their POV they just planned to take leave and visit friends who don't view them the same way and think of them as freeloaders.

Explain the situation - you don’t get enough annual leave to do that every time someone stays at your house

I agree with whattowear

Are you sure there intention wasn't to visit you?

*their ffs

Thanks all

We always take time off if we invite people - although we then only invite people for a weekend or if there’s something specific going on

When she first asked me I said that it would be lovely to get together for a meal and a catch up while they were here

They wanted free accommodation and a free guide?

Tell them you think their sense of entitlement is quite rude.