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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not take time off work when people stay with us?

94 replies

Ellybellyboo · 24/01/2018 08:50

We live in a very popular touristy area. School holidays/summer time mean we get a lot of visitors.

We’re quite lucky in that tue previous owners of our house converted the attic so we have a spare room/bathroom/teeny kitchenette up there so we have room for people to stay without too much hassle.

We don’t, as a rule, take time off work when people visit. If we invite friends/family over then we do, but otherwise I kind of expect people to get on with it then we’ll meet up in the evening for dinner/go to the pub/whatever

A couple of weeks ago a friend (someone that we used to be quite good friends with a long time ago but don’t hear from too much now) asked if her, her DH and their children could come and stay over half term. Fine.

Was chatting to her yesterday about times of arrival, confirming dates, etc, and I said don’t worry, I’ll leave them a spare key, they can come and go as they please.

She was a bit surprised and seemed a bit put out that we’d be at work/getting on with normal life during the day - DD1 has her GCSEs this year so will (hopefully) be having a good bash at some revising, DD2 has a horse so spends much of the school holidays farting about at the yard and DH and I are super busy at work and I haven’t got a lot of annual leave left anyway.

Got an email from them last night. They had been looking forward to seeing us and that they felt it was very rude we wouldn’t be there to show them around so had decided to cancel

I’m a bit pissed off actually, is it just me? They’re getting a weeks free holiday accommodation, if I took time off every time someone came here for a free holiday I’d have run out of annual leave by Easter

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 24/01/2018 09:16

Get your attic on air B&B would be my advice.

YANBU by the way. They are CFs

ShowMeTheElf · 24/01/2018 09:17

They weren't coming to use your house because you live in a touristy area. They were coming to see you. I think there have been some crossed wires here OP.
Don't lose a friendship over this: they wanted to see you, not take advantage of where you live. I'd say that coming for free accommodation was far ruder than actually wanting to catch up with old friends. If you like them then reply, ask them to come for the weekend, and spend time with them.

sonjadog · 24/01/2018 09:22

I don't think YWBU. They are being a bit cheeky with that email, but I think it is probably a misunderstanding more than anything. They probably aren't thinking it through that you get lots of visitors and taking time off would eat up your holiday. I would learn from it for next time and make it clear to future guests that you won't be taking time off while they are there (I also live in a holiday area so I have had experience of this myself).

StarshipTroopers · 24/01/2018 09:23

They weren't coming to use your house because you live in a touristy area Yes they were. It might not have been the only reason, but their wanting the OP the show them around makes this aspect plain. Also, calling her rude!!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 24/01/2018 09:23

Are some people really this dim? Not only did they want to avail of your hospitality for the asking, they also thought they'd dictate how you spent some of your annual leave?

Mrsmadevans · 24/01/2018 09:23

It is definitely not you . I would send her an email back to tell her that you are sorry but you have so many people to stay for free you have to work to pay for their stays.

blackteasplease · 24/01/2018 09:23

How old are their kids? I have a sneaky suspicion they wanted you to help with / look after them insome way.

Mrsmadevans · 24/01/2018 09:24

BTW can I come and have a key, you won't have to take any time off I promise and we will help with the bills and the cleaning lol!

e1y1 · 24/01/2018 09:25

You are 1 million per cent not being unreasonable.

Are people really this cheeky in real life? (clearly are)

They invited themselves, and as if you’re supposed to use up your annual leav (in January too) to be a tour guide.

Cheeky bastards.

BitOutOfPractice · 24/01/2018 09:25

I would send her an email back to tell her that you are sorry but you have so many people to stay for free you have to work to pay for their stays.

Yes. This. Do this!

Idontdowindows · 24/01/2018 09:25

We have family and friends in other countries and when we go visit them, we book accommodation first, then let them know we're coming. If they then offer for us to stay in their places, lovely, but we still don't expect them to take all of the time for our visit off. You can't expect people to just stop their lives!

At the most you can ask "will you have any time off while we're there?" and try to plan something around that.

Nakedavenger74 · 24/01/2018 09:25

We have the same OP. We are Southern Hemisphere though so people really do move heaven and earth to be here so I feel I should be there at least for a few days.

I think it's reasonable to have time off to welcome them on the day they arrive and the next to show them around and have lunch but then it's up to them. I might take a few long weekends to enjoy quality time together but that's it. They have beaches, activities and a whole country to explore with a car specially for visitors and I leave work early so that's enough in my opinion.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 24/01/2018 09:27

Hmm, I think that someone who came to stay and had no intention of hanging out with you, just using you free acommodation, would be much more of a CF though.

Original poster

Ellybellyboo · 24/01/2018 09:29

Thanks all

I did explain to her on the phone yesterday that we had no annual leave left but that we’d be around for the weekend/evenings.

My kids are a good few years older than hers - they’re primary aged, mine are 16 and 14

I’ve just replied to her email - just reiterating the conversation we had yesterday, that they’re more than welcome to stay but we can’t take time off.

OP posts:

LadyinCement · 24/01/2018 09:30

I agree that visitors don't understand that they may be the latest in a long string of visitors, and that you don't want to go to the same tourist attractions every week at your own expense and also offer a taxi service.

Dh and I lived in a holiday destination for a while. At first it was ok, but then the CFs got in touch in droves - people who never wanted to stay with you when you lived in a boring place! If people were just after accommodation, then fine, but most wanted an all-inclusive with day trips organised too.

Mycatisahacker · 24/01/2018 09:30

Cheeky buggers op.

You are good though I hate house guests so wouldn’t be so hospitable anyway

Cuppaoftea · 24/01/2018 09:31

If they were upset about not seeing you well they would have done in the evenings while also enjoying a family holiday with free accommodation in a lovely area with lots to see!

The part that stands out for me is they think it's rude you won't be there to show them around.

Sounds like they were looking for a tourist guide driving them on free trips along with providing meals and maybe a babysitting service for them too.

Enirroc · 24/01/2018 09:31

I think it might be helpful to say that straightaway when someone asks so there is no misunderstanding, but otherwise it's perfectly reasonable.

juneau · 24/01/2018 09:32

So they wanted you to take a week off work for their holiday? Fuck that. YANBU at all! Some people are incapable of seeing things from anyone's POV but their own. They think the world simply revolves around them and their whims and pleasures.

museumum · 24/01/2018 09:39

It sounds actually like they wanted your two families to spend a week together.
That’s not the same as wanting a free b&b which is actually what you’ve offered.

Maybe you’re so used to people wanting free accommodation you just assumed? Probably best in future to say immediately “we’re not taking half term off work” if someone asks to visit you.

I don’t understand all this “inviting yourself” vs “being invited” on MN. Among my friends and family it’s totally normal if you live a long way away for either party to suggest a visit either way.

MichaelBendfaster · 24/01/2018 09:41

Are they the queen and Prince Phil?

Actually, I doubt Liz and Phil would be so rude. She's an entitled and ungrateful moo and she's obviously just lost her nice free holiday house.

Personally I love the idea of staying with someone who's out and about getting on with their own life. It'd mean I could get on with my own holiday and we could meet for dinner/at weekends and we'd actually have things to talk about.

eddielizzard · 24/01/2018 09:44

i certainly wouldn't expect someone i was visiting to take time off - even if they invited me. she had different expectations, but you're not being rude.

PastaOfMuppets · 24/01/2018 09:48

Wow, yanbu.
DH and I rarely take time off work for visitors. Even if we wanted to we usually wouldn't be able to. We'd do our best for visitors who have come a long way or for people we desperately wanted to spend a lot of time with, but it's quite liberating to release yourself from this kind of obligation.

Queeniebed · 24/01/2018 09:49

They are being CF. They asked you. You are opening your home to them at their request and then they want you to take annual leave to show them around. I have family who often stay - we discuss suitable times during the year and either take holiday or arrange times when we are not at work like weekends

Queeniebed · 24/01/2018 09:51

Honestly sounds like they want just free accommodation and entertaining

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