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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate driving instructor?

102 replies

WatercolourFlower · 04/01/2018 10:41

Hello, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, however I just wanted your opinions over whether my driving instructor was being inappropriate.
I've jut come back from a lesson, and he kept on telling me he needed to find something in the back pouch of the drivers seat. He then proceeded to push and prod my back and feel my bum through the seat, if you get what I mean? It made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

I have many other instances, one that also happened today is I drove past an Ocado van that was sitting in a lay by. My instructor proceeded to say "what a lazy so and so, he should be delivering....he's probably masturbating right now." The comment was really weird and odd?
I can think of many more instances, including when he showed me a "jokey" video that alluded to oral sex, that really made me feel uneasy!

Am I being unreasonably sensitive, or do you think his behaviour is odd as well?

OP posts:
LeCroissant · 04/01/2018 10:42

Yes of course it's odd! Even if it weren't odd, you're entitled to just decide you don't want him as an instructor any more.

Snowman41 · 04/01/2018 10:43

Why are you questioning this? Of course it is inappropriate!

Get a new instructor, report this pervert so he can't prey on anyone else.

Bindibot · 04/01/2018 10:44

short answer Yes

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2018 10:44

Well it's not normal is it?

Ditch him and get another instructor. He sounds like a total perv.

KC225 · 04/01/2018 10:44

Yuk. That is totally inappropriate. Is part of a driving school or a one man band?

SnowannaRainbow · 04/01/2018 10:45

He's a creepy pervert, totally unacceptable comment and behaviour. I hope you haven't paid for a block of lessons with him.

Original poster
WatercolourFlower · 04/01/2018 10:45

The thing is, I am a terrible driver and I don't want to keep changing driver instructors, I've already changed once...and this driving instructor was recommended to me personally. I've failed another test, he always says that he likes me as a pupil because I'm a challenge, and he gets more money out of me. He says this jokingly but it really pisses me off as I'm trying my best and just want to pass to get away from him.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/01/2018 10:46

Stop using his services and find another instructor.

A female one might make you feel better, after this experience.

Original poster
WatercolourFlower · 04/01/2018 10:47

I'm a student, so I keep having to pay for blocks of lessons because I am trying to pass when I'm back in the holidays. To help me out, my mother paid for a block of lessons as a birthday and xmas present, hence I don't to mess my mum around either as she's been generous.

OP posts:
OnTheRise · 04/01/2018 10:48

The Ocado comment was way out of line. And if he was feeling you up through the back of the seat rather than looking for something then yes, that's reportable.

Tell the driving school what he's done. Insist on a different instructor. And I'd consider telling the police about him too.

Original poster
WatercolourFlower · 04/01/2018 10:49

@KC225 he is a one man band. If he wasn't I would've asked for a different instructor from the same company, as the block of lessons could be used towards with someone else.

OP posts:
Northernpowerhouse · 04/01/2018 10:50

If you were my daughter I wouldn't care if the money was lost as long as you didn't have to put up with this sort of thing. Tell your mum.

WorraLiberty · 04/01/2018 10:51

I agree with Northern

Tell your mum.

londonpia · 04/01/2018 10:54

You shouldn't have to put up with this. There must be some sort of association that he is part of, even if he is a one man band. What an awful pig of a man. Thanksto you.

glitterbiscuits · 04/01/2018 10:55

Yuk.

Would you lose much money?

See if you can take someone along sitting quietly in the back seat?

Do you feel able to say anything?

Maxbenji · 04/01/2018 10:55

I had 4 instructors - all while I was a student.
If you are not comfortable & feel like you are learning you are not going to pass - this is from experience. (1 I fell out with about driving over chickens, 1 scared me after her car was crashed into twice & I didn't feel I was getting anywhere, 1 was nice but back home to see what I didn't know and the last one was lovely and I felt comfortable & really helped me)
Try another instructor, you can have 1 lesson to see if you like it first and it's usually cheap if you then book more.

Dairymilkmuncher · 04/01/2018 10:55

Speak to your mum I'm sure she wouldn't mind in this case. I've been in a similar situation and I tried to stick it out but the man was useless I gave up the last couple in the block and changed to someone more professional.

I ended up going through four driving instructors for various different reasons (one died, one a sleeze, one didn't have enough availability) and it's made me a much better driver for it.

Because he is so inappropriate I would also consider lying to get a refund as to why you can't finish the block, I wouldn't do that normally but if being alone with him is making you uncomfortable it's worth a try and totally his own fault for being such a weirdo. Imagine if you were my 17 year old daughter/Niece makes me feel a bit sick...

Original poster
WatercolourFlower · 04/01/2018 10:56

Okay, I will definitely tell my mum tonight. Thank you for reassuring me that I'm not being stupid and I do have a valid reason for thinking he isn't weird, odd and creepy

OP posts:
Snowman41 · 04/01/2018 10:56

The thing is, I am a terrible driver and I don't want to keep changing driver instructors

He is SEXUALLY HARASSING you. Your driving ability doesn't come in to it.

he always says that he likes me as a pupil because I'm a challenge, and he gets more money out of me.

No he is on a major pisstake and sees you as really fucking soft. He thinks he can say anything to you and you won't stand up to him. This will only escalate...

I'm trying my best and just want to pass to get away from him.

No, do as a PP suggested and tell your mum, or anyone else. This guy is praying on you sexually and using the fact that you have blocked booked as his assurance that you will remain with him and say nothing.

You don't go back. You report him so he can't do this to anyone else, ever.

Imaginosity · 04/01/2018 10:57

Even if you lose the money you need to cancel.

1099 · 04/01/2018 10:59

OP I used to be a driving instructor, one of the problems people have is that they think the DI is in charge, he's your employee, you're paying him if he isn't up to scratch (and he certainly doesn't sound like he is) then change, if your mum has already paid for the block then tell him you want the money refunded as you find his behavior unacceptable, if he doesn't play ball then report him, you can do this to the DVSA, or get advice on it from Citizens Advice, or just google it and go to the .gov website. Don't just put up with it because he's probably doing it to other people as well.

SlothMama · 04/01/2018 11:00

He sounds like a perv, use the last block up and move on to another instructor.

Original poster
WatercolourFlower · 04/01/2018 11:02

@glitterbiscuits. I said to him when he basically touching my bum that 'could you stop? That's really quite weird' he just laughed and sAid I (my name), you need to lighten up"...then I just gave him a look.

Okay I am going to do some research tonight to try and find another instructor. He's also always late so this is a definitely a positive thing to try and change.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/01/2018 11:04

1099 he's not her employee.

She's paying to use his services, so obviously she needs to find the services of someone less pervy and more professional.

zen1 · 04/01/2018 11:06

Yes, please don’t have any more lessons with this pervert. Report him and find yourself a new instructor.

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