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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boxing day - Wanted a quiet one

101 replies

louiseaaa · 18/12/2017 12:22

This year we have been really busy in December and have worked 7 day weeks as working 9-5 plus doing a Month long weekend only Christmas market.

I set everyone's expectations that we would not be doing a big Christmas and hosting everyone (as normal) but instead would do a big NYD lunch roast dinner, but people were welcome to pop in over the break with no expectations, for a cuppa and mince pie.

My hubby said this weekend that he's agreed for DSD, BIL and grandson to come on boxing day for a buffet lunch as she says that NYD doesn't work for her as she has so many family to see. He then went off on one when I said that he could organise the boxing day lunch

He's now not talking to me as he feels that we have to fit in with them as they have a 1.5 yo so can't be flexible and this is the only time they can make. I don't mind them coming on boxing day - but they have asked my IL's over too and they are all expecting a slap up lunch. He doesn't understand that instead of just one meal production on xmas day I will be working xmas and boxing day so my first day off will be the 27. He thinks I'm BU?

OP posts:

dancinfeet · 18/12/2017 12:31

Your husband is being an arse, either he sorts Christmas dinner, or boxing day buffet. No way should you be left in charge of providing meal for all three days. Either that or he does all washing up after all three.

WatchingFromTheWings · 18/12/2017 12:33

He is BU. He deals with Boxing Day or it doesn't happen.

BiddyPop · 18/12/2017 12:33

If HE invited them, the HE is hosting and HE needs to organize, shop and cook this slap up buffet that HIS family are expecting.....

Lethaldrizzle · 18/12/2017 12:36

They are your family as well though. But get him to do most of the work and sit back and enjoy their company. It's just one day

Marriedwithchildren5 · 18/12/2017 12:36

People moaning about a name on a card should read about your husband! I'm floored you would let him be like this to you. Of course you're not be U. Call sil and cancel or change time for cuppa and mince pie! SMH!!!

ShotsFired · 18/12/2017 12:49

Not quite the same but one time, my OH invited a relative to stay. Just told me it was happening on x date, no checking, now asking, no nothing. I'd met them about twice at this point.

I pointed out that I already had plans then and he seemed to think I'd be cancelling them in favour of organising a day out/preparing meals for this relative of his.

Day x comes, I get up and get ready, he is pottering round downstairs. I come down and he asks me what the plan is... Needless to say my "I have no idea, I'm going out, remember? What time are you doing dinner for? Byeeee!" did not go down that well.

He has not tried that trick on me ever again. I had a lovely day out though! I suggest you find some pre-arranged plan you already had. Even if just round mealtimes.

Xenadog · 18/12/2017 13:20

In all honesty, tell him to do one. Nope, you’re not doing it and he either does all the planning and preparation for Boxing Day or he cancels. I would tell him you’re having a relaxing day and it’s now down to him. Then mean it.

God I would be so pissed off with this.

Original poster

louiseaaa · 18/12/2017 13:42

Just to be clear - It's his daughter that told him that she can't come any other day than Boxing day for a meal with her husband and son and she arranged for my Inlaws aka great granny and granddad to come. I am fuming. She has form for being unavailable unless it suits her and he never stands up to her. She wasn't planning on coming on xmas day because my inlaws told us, so I tried to head off a boxing day gather by offering the big meal on NYE. I might just cancel that on as everyone will have been over anyway.

We have a good reason not to host those days, we will be exhausted. I also have two younger teenage kids so tempted as I am to move Christmas to Boxing day it just won't work.

He's hopeless in the kitchen anyway. (I know, I know)

OP posts:

Inertia · 18/12/2017 13:47

Husband arranged the lunch, husband makes the lunch. And he can piss off with the 'going off on one'- vaginas are not required to open a couple of packets of cheese and slice some bread.

NerrSnerr · 18/12/2017 13:51

He can’t be that hopeless that he can’t make a few sandwiches and cut up a quiche or 2 and stick some crisps, fruit, cakes and biscuits on a table for a buffet. That’ll surely do?

Blackteadrinker77 · 18/12/2017 13:54

His house, his daughter and family.

He can host them. He needs to get planning/ordering some ready made platters.

Original poster

louiseaaa · 18/12/2017 14:25

He wants a ham (done like Nigella) and his daughter wants the filo pastry pie I make (She's veggie) so not a few sarnies and a quiche really.

So pissed off

OP posts:

liquidrevolution · 18/12/2017 14:28

I always remember my mum saying 'what you want you won't get.

Quiche it is then.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 18/12/2017 14:31

Be nice and give him the recipes.

Msqueen33 · 18/12/2017 14:37

So it doesn’t matter how you feel? No sorry but he needs to pull his weight. Regardless of dietary requirements most shops cater for them so he needs to go get some stuff in.

GreyMorning · 18/12/2017 14:46

We are having a quiet Christmas this year so family have been invited but we have asked them to bring food and we can all cook it together.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/12/2017 14:50

He wants a ham (done like Nigella) and his daughter wants the filo pastry pie I make (She's veggie) so not a few sarnies and a quiche really.

I'm in the "'I want' doesn't get" camp. How did they both come to the conclusion that you are an unpaid restaurateur? Because that didn't happen overnight.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 18/12/2017 14:51

He's inviting them he can do the running around. It's not like you've not made your feelings known

honeylulu · 18/12/2017 14:53

Well they can want then!!

My dad is/ was like this and it made my blood boil. He refused to do anything domestic as he worked long hours (my mum worked too btw), would invite people round for meals often at very short notice, not lift a finger to help and if my mum objected would tell her she was "silly" and "housework isn't real work" despite refusing to help!
I credit him for turning me into a militant feminist haha!

Blackteadrinker77 · 18/12/2017 14:56

He wants a ham (done like Nigella) and his daughter wants the filo pastry pie I make (She's veggie) so not a few sarnies and a quiche really.

That is the problem.

You wanted a pj day. Why does their want go ahead of yours?

I agree that it is his house and he can invite his family over, what he can't do is make it your job to cater for them. Send him the recipes or he makes a cold buffet.

cuddlymunchkin · 18/12/2017 14:57

It sounds like you've decided to just give in. If you're going to be such a doormat then you don't really have the right to complain. If instead you decide to stick up for your original plans and be listened to good for you!

stayathomegardener · 18/12/2017 14:59

Totally agree with munchkin, you are going to do this lunch so best start writing your shopping list.
Unless of course you are not and then you have my full support to put your foot down and dump this right back on your husband.

Aki99 · 18/12/2017 15:24

Someone with a 1.5 y o cant be flexible on days ffs - say you don't have a problem but as you are cooking Christmas day its only fair he does Boxing day

Aki99 · 18/12/2017 15:25

sorry NYE

Tartyflette · 18/12/2017 15:26

Yeah, I think you're going to cave in too -- yr thread headline is in the past tense 'wanted a quiet'.... not 'want a quiet'
So YABU to post if you've already decided to fall into line and you just wanted to whinge about it.
Of course it's up to you but you can't then complain about being taken advantage of which you most definitely are .
Or you could grow a backbone.....

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