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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boxing day - Wanted a quiet one

101 replies

louiseaaa · 18/12/2017 12:22

This year we have been really busy in December and have worked 7 day weeks as working 9-5 plus doing a Month long weekend only Christmas market.

I set everyone's expectations that we would not be doing a big Christmas and hosting everyone (as normal) but instead would do a big NYD lunch roast dinner, but people were welcome to pop in over the break with no expectations, for a cuppa and mince pie.

My hubby said this weekend that he's agreed for DSD, BIL and grandson to come on boxing day for a buffet lunch as she says that NYD doesn't work for her as she has so many family to see. He then went off on one when I said that he could organise the boxing day lunch

He's now not talking to me as he feels that we have to fit in with them as they have a 1.5 yo so can't be flexible and this is the only time they can make. I don't mind them coming on boxing day - but they have asked my IL's over too and they are all expecting a slap up lunch. He doesn't understand that instead of just one meal production on xmas day I will be working xmas and boxing day so my first day off will be the 27. He thinks I'm BU?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 18/12/2017 15:27

You need to decide one way or the other. I'd say they were welcome and fill the freezer with Iceland buffet party food and tell DH he is hosting.

Slap up meal is Christmas or New Years Day end of.

What toddler will sit through a big meal anyway, buffet is perfect solution...

NerrSnerr · 18/12/2017 15:32

This is bonkers. They want ham and pie. They’re grown adults, I’m sure they can figure it out between them. If they can’t then it’ll have to be quiche and sandwiches. You want a quiet Boxing Day then have one.

Fishface77 · 18/12/2017 15:32

Fuck that! It does sound like you will cave.
Buy a load of frozen shit from Iceland if you have to!
Nigella ham??
And tell dsd your making her fave meal New Years.

ObscuredbyFog · 18/12/2017 15:40

Send him a few links like this and tell him to go and buy what he needs and he can cook it all to be ready on Boxing Day lunchtime.
groceries.morrisons.com/webshop/category/Christmas-Party-Food--Snacks-Party-Food-Platters/105651-168075-168089-168154?dnr=y

HermionesRightHook · 18/12/2017 15:45

Best he gets his arse down to M&S for nibbly bits and a cold ham then, isn't it.

Send a message to the daughter "can't wait to see you! What name treat to have your dad cooking too!"

areyoubeingserviced · 18/12/2017 15:47

You have already caved. So get cooking.,,

ny20005 · 18/12/2017 16:00

You've already caved & are just having a rant about it

Next year, you'll be cooking over several different days with ordered recipes !!

Stand up for yourself & what you want. Why should their wants mean you have to make an ordered lunch 🙄

Iprefercoffeetotea · 18/12/2017 16:21

Why does having a 1.5 year old mean you can't be flexible about dates?

Anyway, just because the relatives want certain things, doesn't mean they get them. Buy stuff from wherever - Iceland or M&S depending on budget and do a buffet.

If DH complained and refused to talk to me about something like this I'd be inclined to go out on Boxing Day and leave him to host on his own.

YouTheCat · 18/12/2017 16:34

Leave him to it. He wants a ham, he sorts it. She wants a filo pastry tart, she can make it and bring it.

Just say 'ok, fine' and let them get on with it. You're working. What does he want you to do? Split yourself in two?

Lethaldrizzle · 18/12/2017 16:39

Is it a buffet lunch or slap up lunch? They are not really the same thing. A buffet lunch could just be a bunch of stuff from m and s or Iceland. Your dh can do that. lots of people are busy at this time of year and large extended families often have to make compromises, that's kinda just part and parcel of Christmas! It's nice for him to see his daughter no?

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 18/12/2017 16:52

He's now not talking to me as he feels that we have to fit in with them - but you agreed with him? You said yes, they could come on the day that suited them. You just didn't offer to cook.

Given that you both work, and it sounds like you have quite possibly done all the planning and cooking at Christmas for a long time, I think you should announce that he is in charge this year. He can invite who he likes, when he likes. You'll make sure you're dressed and fit for company in time to sit down and eat whatever he's providing.

rookiemere · 18/12/2017 16:59

So I don't think it's unreasonable for him to invite his DD, SIL and GD on the day they are able to come, but it is unreasonable for him and her to expect a slap up feast of their choosing after you have made a big Christmas meal the day before.

Surely there will be loads of leftovers from Christmas day for non veggies to eat (isn't that the whole point of Boxing day) and he can buy his DD a veggie roast from wherever, or if you're feeling kind you can add it to your online shop if you have one organised.

glenthebattleostrich · 18/12/2017 17:08

I want to spend boxing day naked and wrapped around a couple of avengers being fed chocolates and gin. But guess what, that's not going to happen.

Might I suggest you tell them to piss off and if they want a lovely buffet on boxing Day they cook for it because you will be getting slowly pissed while working your way through a selection box.

Inertia · 18/12/2017 17:13

Luckily Nigella publishes her recipes, so I'm sure he'll be able to find the ham recipe online or in a book.

It's Boxing Day. Everyone eats leftovers on boxing day (including veggies- I am one).

There are perfectly acceptable filo pies available in the frozen section of supermarkets, your husband can bung a couple in the oven when he does the ham.

Eliza9917 · 18/12/2017 17:19

He wants a ham (done like Nigella) and his daughter wants the filo pastry pie I make (She's veggie) so not a few sarnies and a quiche really.

So pissed off

They'd know what it was to want, if this was my house.

rookiemere · 18/12/2017 17:19

It would be interesting to buy a ready prepared ham and frozen filo veggie thing and see if anybody notices the difference between that and homemade ( not of course that I'm implying that your cooking isn't anything but top notch OP)

expatinscotland · 18/12/2017 17:24

When you act like a doormat, people will wipe their feet on you. He's got two arms and legs, he can make the lunch himself.

theEagleIsLost · 18/12/2017 17:31

Do what ObscuredbyFog suggests and point in direction of just heat food for boxing day or do a buffet - then balls in his court and he can get on with no excuses he's no good in the kitchen.

Ellie56 · 18/12/2017 17:38

Stop being a doormat P. Stand up for yourself and say I am not cooking on Boxing Day. If you want your relatives round you have to prepare the food. Keep repeating until DH gets the message. If you cave in stuff like this will keep happening. Make it stop.

rookiemere · 18/12/2017 17:43

Or if he wants a slap up meal with minimal effort on his part, he can order a takeaway.
Won't cost much more than a big ham and ingredients for a posh filo veggie pie ( that I'm slightly intrigued about now)

BewareOfDragons · 18/12/2017 17:49

You have fucking lost your mind if you cave for this. Tell him he can pay to take you all out to dinner, or ask everyone to stump up, and to book a table somewhere. You are not cooking. You were clear. He has to sort it. End of.

gunsandbanjos · 18/12/2017 18:17

I’m struggling to understand how you’ve ended up the bad guy here?

You wanted a quiet Boxing Day, he overrode that by inviting people, you say ok but you need to do the lunch. And that’s still not good enough? Tell him to go fuck himself, just sit on your arse and do nothing.

If he wants guests that’s fine but he needs to bloody well sort it himself.

Whocansay · 18/12/2017 18:51

Why does what you want not matter?

Send him to the supermarket to get stuff for a buffet. He's a lazy shit giving you the wifework.

If he wants ham and a special pie, he can make it. Really, you don't need to be a martyr. Just say no.

SemolinaSilkpaws · 18/12/2017 19:02

Boxing Day go to the sales and float home when you feel like it. If DP hasn’t made anything for HIS guests to eat that will be rather unfortunate because you may well have had lunch out.

Don’t do the clearing up either.

mickeysminnie · 18/12/2017 19:09

A simple, "as i said, they are welcome to visit, I just won't be cooking."