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AIBU?

Boxing day - Wanted a quiet one

101 replies

louiseaaa · 18/12/2017 12:22

This year we have been really busy in December and have worked 7 day weeks as working 9-5 plus doing a Month long weekend only Christmas market.

I set everyone's expectations that we would not be doing a big Christmas and hosting everyone (as normal) but instead would do a big NYD lunch roast dinner, but people were welcome to pop in over the break with no expectations, for a cuppa and mince pie.

My hubby said this weekend that he's agreed for DSD, BIL and grandson to come on boxing day for a buffet lunch as she says that NYD doesn't work for her as she has so many family to see. He then went off on one when I said that he could organise the boxing day lunch

He's now not talking to me as he feels that we have to fit in with them as they have a 1.5 yo so can't be flexible and this is the only time they can make. I don't mind them coming on boxing day - but they have asked my IL's over too and they are all expecting a slap up lunch. He doesn't understand that instead of just one meal production on xmas day I will be working xmas and boxing day so my first day off will be the 27. He thinks I'm BU?

OP posts:

Report

louiseaaa · 18/12/2017 19:28

"A simple, "as i said, they are welcome to visit, I just won't be cooking."

Genius, thanks.

OP posts:

Whocansay · 18/12/2017 19:31

I am sensing sarcasm, OP!

louiseaaa · 18/12/2017 19:39

Nope, seriously... often accused of being hysterical, or womansplaning or lazy. This has no wiggle room - it's great

OP posts:

RandomMess · 18/12/2017 19:44

Broken record technique all the way then

When he flaps don't offer solutions he can think of Iceland/M&S himself, don't do any wife work for this visit!

Ellie56 · 18/12/2017 20:22

Yes OP keep practising saying that.

"As I said, they are welcome to visit, I just won't be cooking."

"They are welcome to visit, I just won't be cooking."

"They are welcome to visit, I just won't be cooking."

Ad infinitum.

Then send him off to M & S, Sainsbury's, Iceland, or wherever for party food. Job done.

expatinscotland · 18/12/2017 20:26

'Nope, seriously... often accused of being hysterical, or womansplaning or lazy. This has no wiggle room - it's great'

Wow, he sounds like a lovely husband. If you don't do what he wants, he belittles you, kicks off, sulks and strops. My 12-year-old tries that.

Appuskidu · 18/12/2017 20:31

Does he always treat you so appallingly?!

He can want all he wants-I would be going out on my tod if he tried to play that one on me!

iamyourequal · 18/12/2017 20:35

Let them come if it's worth it to save Christmas being ruined by bad feeling between you and DH. But do not run around cooking! Ready made party food and turkey sandwiches only - or ask all to bring a dish. Have NYE completely off instead.

MargotLovedTom1 · 18/12/2017 20:37

Christ, come Boxing Day I would take to my bed with supplies and let the fuckers downstairs sort themselves out. Your husband can shove his Nigella ham up his arse.

GreenTulips · 18/12/2017 20:40

Let them come if it's worth it to save Christmas being ruined by bad feeling between you and DH

Oh dear me, so much wrong with this statement!

If your DH regularly ignores your requests for a quiet day in, and he not only ignores your request but asked you to cook and entertain, then there has to be consequences- in this case DH shops and cooks and learns how much effort is required to feed a family. DSD learns she doesn't get to dictate the food on offer! It's a win win!

Sit back relax and enjoy bing waited in for a change

BattleaxeGalactica · 18/12/2017 20:47

Why are they 'expecting' a slap up lunch?

If that's what he's promised them that's what he will have to provide. And if he was mine he could fuck right off with the 'not talking' malarkey. You're not his maid.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/12/2017 21:30

It sounds like the only person not allowed to be demanding, unpleasant and fussy is you. EVERYONE else is.

I think there are bigger issues. Have a think about them after Christmas.

ForalltheSaints · 18/12/2017 21:35

The agreeing without any discussion is what is fundamentally wrong. A phone call or a chat when you are both at home only takes a minute or two.

Lymmmummy · 18/12/2017 21:45

Why do the have to have a big meal ? Can’t you meet maybe in a local pub or something - or get some frozen party platter stuff and get your other half to do it?

I can see both sides but sorry not for your OH to make plans without consulting you - then expect you to be in the kitchen all day on Boxing Day!! Then topping it off by trying to make you feel guilty for not being family friendly - you are part of the family as well - and he isn’t really thinking of your enjoyment is he

Fitzsimmons · 18/12/2017 21:54

I think you should go to the sales on Boxing Day in the morning and stroll in around lunchtime asking what's for lunch.

Maelstrop · 18/12/2017 21:55

Dunno why you're bothering ranting on here when you won't accept any of the easy solutions. Your DH can cook, if he can read, he can follow a bloody recipe. He can go to M&S, buy vegetarian food, open packets, warm up stuff. But no, carry right on and let them all ride rough shod over you.

AnneElliott · 18/12/2017 22:33

Send him off to M&S and he can buy the stuff for a buffet lunch. Unreasonable to expect you to cook.

Lethaldrizzle · 18/12/2017 23:32

Its christmas. Just grin and bear it. You both have family that are important. One more day is hardly going to break you. Dont let it break your relationship

GreenTulips · 18/12/2017 23:34

Dont let it break your relationship

Why her DH didn't give a monkeys - why shouldn't he aucknot up? It's his mess he should sort it

GreenTulips · 18/12/2017 23:36

Besides you wouldn't invite yourself for a meal at a friends house and then ask your parents would you? And worse asking the DH rather than the 'expected' chef whilst telling them what to cook!! Wonder where she got that from?

Ceebs85 · 18/12/2017 23:40

Er. They'll get what they're given. Semd him out for pre made 'shove it all in the oven' party food. I'm sure he can manage to turn on the oven. Tell them it's 'bring a dish'

Any moans just tell them they'd be welcome on NYD as thats when you agreed you'd be doing dinner.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/12/2017 23:48

We teach people how to treat us. The OP has decided how she wishes to be treated.

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Madwoman5 · 19/12/2017 00:30

Send him to iceland/Aldi/tesco for buffet food. Unless he does the ham and pie, they can have what they are given. As to dsd inviting inlaws without consultation, that is exceedingly rude. So...dsd can do it at theirs, have a buffet at yours or go to mils. Plenty of choice. Oh, and if yours don't tell the cf's what is on the menu. You are having the day off, remember?

louiseaaa · 19/12/2017 00:35

As posters upthread have said

"Yes OP keep practising saying that.

"As I said, they are welcome to visit, I just won't be cooking."

"They are welcome to visit, I just won't be cooking."

"They are welcome to visit, I just won't be cooking."

Ad infinitum.

Then send him off to M & S, Sainsbury's, Iceland, or wherever for party food. Job done."

Thanks all x

OP posts:

Skittlesandbeer · 19/12/2017 00:54

And make well sure you’ve got an early appointment for the 27th...no cleaning up for you!

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