To draw a cock on DHs face

[Singlebutmarried]

Long story short

Been out for birthday

He organised for good friends to meet us for meal and kept it all secret.

He then got bladdered and announced to the pub that I ‘liked it bent over and had teeth’

Luckily I know the people at the pub well enough to brush it off, but I’m a bit kirtified at the same time.

He’s now passed out, and I’m sat mostly fuming. I’ve so far drawn one cock on his face, and am going to check in a bit to see if he’s swapped sides so I can draw another.

Is this unreasonable?

Mortified. Wtf is kirtified.

WTF? I'd be tempted to use a Sharpie. I don't even get the teeth bit...

YABU

You came on here and announced it to a lot more people!

Oh dear.

What is 'had teeth' ?

It's my birthday too and my dh has done fuck all , no card nothing - oh wait he did tell me how much of a shit wife I was via text and if I performed my wife lay duties tonight then I'd get a birthday present . Nice eh !

Is the dick pointing towards his mouth and shooting semen everywhere? If not then yes YABU.

What do you mean about teeth ??

I’ve drawn the first one the wrong way round. Hence needing him to turn over.

No idea about the teeth. AFAIK my ‘technique ‘ has always been non toothy.

R u pissed ?

Sadly no, not pissed. Just a tad fecked off

Could you shave his eyebrows and head while you're at it? And yes, you carry on, preferably with a sharpie

No don't shave his head, just a patch so he has to do the rest or risk lookong even more like a dick. If he's thst drunk you could phrase it as though he thought it was a good idea to shave his head and he got that far before you could wrestle the clippers off him.

The important thing you're trying to signal here is that you have slightly more class than the tacky drunken oaf, isn't it?

Come on, dig deep, it's a low bar

I might be mixing my metawotsiys there

Battle ax 😂😂

The thing is, if you do anything semi permanent he’ll just retell the story to anyone who asks.

You need much bigger and better revenge than this I'm afraid.

Save it. You need to plan something genius.

And addicted, my lovely, you need to promise yourself a fabulous birthday next year and think about divorcing that nasty article.

Addictedtothisbloodyforum
I really hope what you postexwas a joke. If it's not it's beyond sad

Aaah
Posted was

YABU. I'm sure you could do something more inventive than dick drawings, maybe use his nose or eyebrows as part of a better or more obscene drawing.

Plotting has commenced. I’m still gonna draw another dick on him tho.

How have you drawn the first one the wrong way round? Which way round was it supposed to go?

Happy birthday to all!!!

Draw a cock, in fact, pour salt in his mouth and tell him you did try to stop him giving that tramp a blowjob...

Addicted. LTB. You deserve better!!!