To draw a cock on DHs face

[Singlebutmarried]

Long story short

Been out for birthday

He organised for good friends to meet us for meal and kept it all secret.

He then got bladdered and announced to the pub that I ‘liked it bent over and had teeth’

Luckily I know the people at the pub well enough to brush it off, but I’m a bit kirtified at the same time.

He’s now passed out, and I’m sat mostly fuming. I’ve so far drawn one cock on his face, and am going to check in a bit to see if he’s swapped sides so I can draw another.

Is this unreasonable?

It makes me laugh when people draw eyes on sleeping drunks' eyelids too but I am very childish

OMG you lot are absolutely evil and so fantastic with it.
Keep up the good work

Literal LOL @ you, OP. But also .

Draw away anything you like on the bastard.

And next time he wants a blow job, tell him that you won't be giving him any more because you were too mortified by him criticising your technique to your friends in the pub on your birthday.

Just been up to check on him. He’s flipped
Over. Now has a cock spaffing into his mouth.

This is the best fucking thread ever.

Time for and ice bucket challenge... ?

If he flips over onto his front, could you draw a spaffing cock on his back? Because... he wouldn't know.... But you would.

I'm afraid we'll need to see photographic evidence otherwise it's not true 😁

Immac on his hairline. Leave it on. He might notice next time he washes his hair....

Oooh ooh ooohhhh! How about a vagina dentata???

Excellent work OP. As for the ear thing, just make it look like you meant it to be there by writing "fuck here" with an arrow pointing to said ear.

You could also do a face incorporating his bumhole if you can get his pants down. And then tell him to put his dick in that if he wants no teeth.

Happy belated birthday OP, btw...

Yes I agree with PP to also do something he can't see but others will notice

Shave the back of his head perhaps

Draw a dick on the back of his neck

Immac on his hairline. Leave it on. He might notice next time he washes his hair....

I'd be putting immac lower down to be quite honest.

My DP would be furious if I did that to him, he'd call it childish and malicious. As long as yours has a similar sense of humour to you? - Then It'll be fine. If you know it will genuinely bother him, I'd keep the art work minimalist. Less is more? - He might not even notice it straight away too if there's less of it which provides more entertainment.

Sometimes I find it sexy if DP slips a little brag about something I like ;) But just have a quick word with him and explain what you are and are not comfortable talking about in front of others. Unless he's genuinely going to find it funny when he wakes up, I'd leave the pens alone for now :)

Strip wax on his gonads, and just leave it their for him to either rip off or gently peel off leaving the wax residue.

If you can't have a laugh/say the odd rude comment with your partner then it's very boring indeed.

DH and I still shock one another now and then. :D

Agree cheap sausages but not in public !

If my DH was so disrespectful I'd be very tempted to pull his bastard teeth out

Ah this thread is bringing back memories of the time I painted CUNT and various spunking cocks on a guys face in nail varnish.
I forget what he did now, maybe shagged someone else? He wasn't my bf by the way

must be worth a KFC

Is that a euphemism?

Hair remover on his ballsack

Hope all is well this morning OP and DP understands the error of his ways (and I sort of hope you didn't use a permanent marker by mistake...),

Shave one eyebrow, he then has the dilemma of shaving the other. You need to sleep with one eye open afterwards though,

If he's still asleep, please please slip a chocolate button between his arse cheeks.

It'll melt and he'll wake up with a warm brown semi solid mass around his anus and an is slightly worried expression on his face. Then he'll see his face and really shit himself.