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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pretend to be at work when I'm not?

90 replies

CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 18:55

I'm a teacher, work part-time in a school 90mins from home. We have an Inset day on Mon that I don't need to attend. WIBU to pretend that I'm at work and go out for the day?

Two kids at school, one at nursery and the toddler would be with the child minder. DH has the morning to work and then would have the kids during the afternoon until I get home.

His job involves working on my days off, most evenings and every weekend, so I get hardly any time to myself. Would it be unreasonable of me to use that time to treat myself to a relaxing day (and get some Christmas shopping done!)?

OP posts:
Codlet · 16/12/2017 18:56

Do it OP! We promise not to tell Wink

Nyancat · 16/12/2017 18:56

I'm considering the same myself for a day this week. So many bits and pieces of shopping to sort and cannot get them with the kids with me. And I'd like some peace and quiet for once!

TheQueenOfWands · 16/12/2017 18:57

I have to pretend to my parents sometimes that I'm working.

I work six days, they visit on my day off. I love them but they're exhausting.

This week I lied. I just needed a lie in and some chill out time.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 16/12/2017 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kochicoo · 16/12/2017 18:57

YANBU to consider this at all. When else will you get a chance to get anything done. Sounds sensible!

TidyLike · 16/12/2017 18:58

It wouldn't be unreasonable, but couldn't you just be honest about wanting to take the time off for some relaxation?

wowbutter · 16/12/2017 18:58

Surprised you need to ask! Do it!

twinone · 16/12/2017 18:58

Oh absolutely, go for it!
I Don't tell my kids when I have an inset day because as sure as night follows day, one of them will be 'ill', only to have a miraculous recovery by mid morning Angry

Originalfoogirl · 16/12/2017 19:00

Why not just tell him that’s what you are going to do? Why pretend you are at work?

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 19:02

He wouldn't begrudge me a day off at all, but his work tends to expand to fill the available time. If he knew I was free he'd have things he needs to do that day. He is very busy, but can manage fine when I'm working. What all should I do??? All this free time!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 16/12/2017 19:03

He can have things he needs to do. What difference should that make to what you do with your time?!

LittleWitch · 16/12/2017 19:04

I’ve finished a contract that was meant to go on to the end of the month but because I’m owed leave, I actually finished on Friday. I’m pretending to everyone who might want a piece of me that I’m at work until Wednesday Grin.

DerelictWreck · 16/12/2017 19:07

I'm really suprised by how many people are advocating you lie to your DH?

Absolutely you should take the day to relax and shop, but I would't lie to your DH about it Confused.

Why don't you have a lie in, head out to shop and have a nice lunch to yourself, then do something special with the kids and your DH in the afternoon all together?

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 19:08

I could come home a bit earlier than usual just so I don't feel as guilty but I could still have 7 hours of glorious child-free time to myself! I can't remember the last time I had that long to myself - 2 hours in the dentist chair last month is the closest I think! Confused

OP posts:
YeahRightOk · 16/12/2017 19:10

Do it.

Wolfiefan · 16/12/2017 19:15

I don't find it odd having child free time but I wouldn't think to lie to DH about my plans.

TidyLike · 16/12/2017 19:19

Tell him that you have found out that you don't need to be at the inset day and that you are taking that day off for relaxation and self care - and emphasise that it is not an excuse for him to do his own thing. His 'things to do' do not take priority.

I would be careful about lying ... aside from the fact that it's just not on to tell lies needlessly in a relationship, what if a friend spots you out and about and mentions it to DH, or what if one of the school staff mentions to him that you weren't at the inset day? You would then have to say to him 'i lied because I didn't want to discuss it with you' which would be quite insulting and destroying of trust ... and he might even suspect that you were up to something sinister.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 16/12/2017 19:21

No, I wouldn't lie about it OP! Just tell him that's what your'e planning to do. Lying wouldn't be right at all, I wouldn't want my DH to do that to me.

Jaxhog · 16/12/2017 19:21

YABU. Never mind lying to your DH, you'd also be lying to your employer, if I understand correctly. Are you paid for the inset day?

So unless you have agreed that this can be time-off-in-lieu, then you would be in breech of your employment contract.

LoveInTokyo · 16/12/2017 19:27

YANBU... but... if I were you I would tell your husband that you have this unexpected day off and you really really need the time to yourself because you never get to do that and it's really important to you, so can he please just carry on as though it's a normal work day for you.

WyfOfBathe · 16/12/2017 19:30

YABU to pretend to your DH. Unless he's abusive and doesn't let you go anywhere other than work, I can't believe so many people are advocating lying to him! Confused

Mehfruittea · 16/12/2017 19:31

Do it! I’ve just been made redundant but after school club is already paid for. I’m pretending I’m in Work to DS as to young to understand/not worry.

MumsGoneToPieland · 16/12/2017 19:31

I've done this. Told DH but DC thought I was at work and I had a lovely break!

donquixotedelamancha · 16/12/2017 19:36

If he finds out and posts on MN about it he will be told you are definitely having an affair and must leave you immediately. Can you take that risk?

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 19:41

Really doubt he'll find out - as I said already I work quite far from home. I'd still head up to where I work so won't bump into anyone local. And if he did find out I'll just own up, no biggie!

OP posts: