Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pretend to be at work when I'm not?

90 replies

CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 18:55

I'm a teacher, work part-time in a school 90mins from home. We have an Inset day on Mon that I don't need to attend. WIBU to pretend that I'm at work and go out for the day?

Two kids at school, one at nursery and the toddler would be with the child minder. DH has the morning to work and then would have the kids during the afternoon until I get home.

His job involves working on my days off, most evenings and every weekend, so I get hardly any time to myself. Would it be unreasonable of me to use that time to treat myself to a relaxing day (and get some Christmas shopping done!)?

OP posts:
Phineyj · 16/12/2017 20:24

You should do it. The thing is, if you live with someone essentially decent but more selfish than you are, you have to do this kind of thing once in a while.

When DD was really little and I had a teaching job with a long commute I used to carve out an hour here and there and sit in a coffee shop or by a lake or something on the way home. It kept me sane.

DH would NOT spend an unexpected day off doing things that mainly benefited me/DD so my conscience would be clear!

Stop posting on here and book that spa day.

Phineyj · 16/12/2017 20:25

Also take a really long time over lunch.

SukiTheDog · 16/12/2017 20:26

Do it. It’ll make you a better mummy! Have fun.

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 20:33

No turning back now! Spa day is booked!! 2 hours in the spa swimming pool/sauna/steam room etc, lovely spa lunch, then a massage. I'm so excited!

OP posts:
YellowMakesMeSmile · 16/12/2017 20:37

I would take the time but wouldn't lie. It's a sign something is wrong if you have to lie in a relationship.

feska5 · 16/12/2017 20:39

Don’t lie to you DH. Surely he will understand you need a day to yourself now and again.

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 20:40

A better mummy probably Suki, a better wife, probably not! Xmas Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 20:42

He wouldn't feska - as I've said, getting a couple of hours is all he can do before he starts getting tetchy about how much work he needs to do.

OP posts:
B0033 · 16/12/2017 20:42

I wouldn't lie about it, but I'd definitely do it. DH took time off this week so I could attend a work thing, and we finished early - I went shopping before toddling home again. It was great!

Xmasbaby11 · 16/12/2017 20:43

Definitely have the day to yourself but don't lie to dh.

DoublyTroubly · 16/12/2017 20:44

Just tell him that you don’t need to go to inset day after all so you’ve booked to use your spa day, otherwise the voucher will expire. He can’t really argue with that (and make sure you leave your phone in the locker)

SocksRock · 16/12/2017 20:58

I'm doing this on Monday. I've booked a half day off for the afternoon and I'm meeting a friend for a relaxed coffee and shopping. Haven't bothered telling DH. It won't actually affect him as I will be home in time to collect the children from CM as I normally do, but I do feel a bit naughty.

I have enough annual leave to do all the things we want to do as a family, and I earned this half day from some flexitime.

Whocansay · 16/12/2017 20:58

I've done this a few times. If DH knows I have a day off, I will get a list of chores to do and errands to run. I hate the phase 'can you just...'. I don't think he even realises he's doing it. So occasionally I take a day for myself. I feel zero guilt about this.

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 21:04

No guilt so far, just excitement about actually having a meal that isn't interrupted sixteen times, a massage during which I can doze off without being woken with chubby fingers prying my eyelids apart and time, glorious time, when all I have to think about is doing what I want to do when I want to. Heaven!

OP posts:
PuntasticUsername · 16/12/2017 21:19

I'm glad you've booked your spa day, sounds great - but as others have said, if you have to lie to get even such a little bit of time to yourself, you've got bigger problems.

CatchIt · 16/12/2017 21:32

I sort of do this. I have a horse and need to sort horse out every Saturday & Sunday morning.

Dh thinks it takes me 2 hours to muck out. It doesn’t. It takes me 45 minutes and then I spend an hour and 15 mins chatting and drinking tea with my friends.

It’s the only time I ever get to myself unless I manage to go for a ride or two midweek. It’s very precious to me. I don’t see it as a lie as such. Just an exaggeration of the truth. 😀

ohtheholidays · 16/12/2017 21:35

Woohoo good for you CoffeeI hope you have a lovely day and like you I wouldn't tell your husband because it sounds like if you did he'd find things that "he needed to do"and you'd get no down time at all.

AJPTaylor · 16/12/2017 21:40

Do it. I always totally if i ever had a day off work which was for me, i wouldnt tell either husband or dc. I even used to dress for work and drive the kids to school. Any hint of me being available meant one of the little feckers would need me.

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 22:15

If any other work-shy, children-dodging, husband-deceiving MNetters want to join me for a coffee I'm free on Monday. Xmas Grin

OP posts:
hunibuni · 16/12/2017 22:32

Glad to see you're doing it OP! I work nights, so any precious days off where I'm not sleeping need to have 27 million things crammed in that have to be done, plus spend some time with DH etc. I NEED time to myself if I'm not going to go nuts, because I work with people with dementia and everyday is like groundhog day at work. I know that I'm coming up to needing a break when I start to lose the ability to speak in coherent sentences and forget the words I need.

I feel bad for DH but I've booked a whole shift off because I have some training to do that morning. I've told him that the training session is longer than it actually is because he'll want to spend the afternoon/evening with me and I just want time alone. I'll pootle around at my leisure and bring something nice for dinner and we'll have the rest of the evening to ourselves.

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 22:37

The only way I can survive the madness of life is to carve out some time for myself - usually a half-hour coffee is the best I can get, but this is too good an opportunity to miss.

I'm glad you can do the same huni, it really sounds like you need some time to yourself! Have you any plans of what you'll do?

OP posts:
Biffsboys · 16/12/2017 22:40

To be fair I’m sure you could do this without telling an actual lie ?? Just do what you do every other day ?

anastaisia · 16/12/2017 22:57

I'd do it, then come home and say 'oh, I didn't have to go to the inset day in the end so I phoned up and I managed to get an appointment to use that spa voucher. It's been a lovely day'

No need for ongoing lies, but too late for the free time to be taken off you.

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 23:08

Yea Biffsboys, I have never actually lied to my DH, he's (naturally) assuming I'm working. And his day will be no different from his usual Monday. Unless I slip in the showers or fall off the massage table and he had to collect me from A&E of course. That'd let the cat out of the bag, wouldn't it!

OP posts:
RhodaBorrocks · 16/12/2017 23:28

I had an XP like this - when he looked after DS he claimed he couldn't get anything done, but seemed able to sit playing CoD in his underwear the whole time until I got home. Then he'd throw DS at me and barricade himself in his office. DS would often be unwashed/still in PJs or have trashed the place, which I then had to take care of whilst also making dinner etc.

OTOH if I had a day off/left work early and rang him to say "I've finished early, but I'm going to go to the shops and do xyz before I come home. It will be quicker that way." It'd be the same situation when I got home, but I'd have had some me time and have restored sanity.

I did eventually LTB as he was abusive and didn't want me having me time at all as I was there to fulfil his every whim.

If you want to be partially honest, go as if to work, then ring him to say you got there but have been released so you're going to use the time to get some Christmas essentials done and be home ASAP. Then switch your phone onto plane mode in case he calls and if queried say you must have bednnin one of those shops that has a signal blocker.