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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pretend to be at work when I'm not?

90 replies

CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 18:55

I'm a teacher, work part-time in a school 90mins from home. We have an Inset day on Mon that I don't need to attend. WIBU to pretend that I'm at work and go out for the day?

Two kids at school, one at nursery and the toddler would be with the child minder. DH has the morning to work and then would have the kids during the afternoon until I get home.

His job involves working on my days off, most evenings and every weekend, so I get hardly any time to myself. Would it be unreasonable of me to use that time to treat myself to a relaxing day (and get some Christmas shopping done!)?

OP posts:
Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 19:43

It was my employer that told me not to come in Jaxhog, so no issue re breach of contract.

OP posts:
curryforbreakfast · 16/12/2017 19:44

I think I'd probably just tell him straight: I have this rare day off and I am going to do my own thing for the day. I will not be available, I am busy.

ohtheholidays · 16/12/2017 19:51

Do it,make it your early Christmas present to yourself.

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 19:52

Yea, but he is busy too. The difference is that because I'm part-time the vast bulk of the childcare falls to me - for me to get time to myself I have to arrange it all around his work. It is impossible for me to get more than a couple of hours before I need to free him up again. He is good at trying to give me time to myself, but only an hour or two at most. And I've a lot of Christmas shopping to get done!

So, those of you in favour, any suggestions other than shopping of what I should do to treat myself???

OP posts:
ToadOfSadness · 16/12/2017 19:53

Go out as usual, tell him while you are out that you found out in the morning.

DerelictWreck · 16/12/2017 19:54

Coffee

How would you feel if you found out he had lied to you and left you to look after the kids?

Chewbecca · 16/12/2017 19:56

It sounds like a great idea to do it but lying to your DH about it is weird. Explain to him about the amount of time you get to yourself.

Eatalot · 16/12/2017 19:57

These little white lies get you through family life. You will ne more relaxed and happy which is a benefit to your family. Do it.

Blackteadrinker77 · 16/12/2017 19:57

Why do you need to lie?

Just say you're having a day to yourself.

LightastheBreeze · 16/12/2017 19:59

You could go to the cinema or swimming baths, I would probably tell him though.

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/12/2017 20:00

Do it! Maybe a massage...or go and see a movie?

LightastheBreeze · 16/12/2017 20:01

Tell him you have the day off and need to do the Christmas shopping

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 16/12/2017 20:03

OP you know that if you're truthful he'll decide that Monday is a good day to let you do all the childcare, while he does his important work. So yes honesty might be the best policy in principle but I can see why you don't want to.

The only thing to beware of is the shopping - how are you going to explain coming home with loads of bags? (Or are you going to keep them in the car till he's out? Smile)

Yukbuck · 16/12/2017 20:03

Why lie? Just tell him you'll use the day to get the Christmas shopping done? I'm sure he'd rather have the kids than do the shopping anyway. I wouldn't lie. It's unnecessary.

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 20:07

I look after the kids all the time Derelict, for all I know maybe he's already doing this! Xmas Grin

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 16/12/2017 20:08

The trouble is that some people (my mother is one) who when you say that you have a day off and plan to do X will say "Oh but I need to do Y so why dont I do that in the morning and then you have the afternoon". But invariably their "morning" ends about 3 pm by which time it isnt worth going anywhere. If you complain then you get told that clearly their job/work/errand should take priority as that needs to be done whereas drinking cofffee and relaxing doesnt (except when they want to do it) and you should stop being so selfish Hmm

With people like that you have to be creative in order to get any time off.

onalongsabbatical · 16/12/2017 20:08

Fuck shopping (excuse me, but really!) - spa, massage, lovely lunch and relax in the steam room/sauna/resting room with a great book. Followed by a nice coffee and cake outside again with your cheeks glowing and that mellow feeling of having been in another world while you watch all the suckers scoot round like headless chickens thinking shopping has some kind of cosmic significance, especially at this time of year. Any time left very gentle potter round shops in order to buy some frivolous trinket entirely for yourself.
I've done this. GrinGrinGrin

BewareOfDragons · 16/12/2017 20:08

Since it appears you're going to spend most of your suddenly discovered day off shopping for the family, I would just tell him that's what you're doing. Don't ask him; tell him. YOu had been scheduled to work, it isn't a time issue. Don't let him make it one.

Shopping on a week day without small people in tow will be much more straightforward and sensible than trying to squeeze it in on a weekend or evening.

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 20:09

Come to think of it, I didn't see his golf clubs in the garage that day he was away at a conference...

OP posts:
teaandtoast · 16/12/2017 20:10

Why lie? Because, obviously, op won't get the time otherwise.

DerelictWreck · 16/12/2017 20:10

Ilook after the kids all the time Derelict, for all I know maybe he's already doing this!

Hah! If that's true then you can definitely do it Xmas Grin

Original poster
CoffeeAndToffee · 16/12/2017 20:13

That is exactly it Pyongyang! There's no way I could get a day to myself without a little bit of smoke and mirrors.

I like your thinking sabbatical - I actually have a spa voucher I've had since my birthday (8 months ago) that I haven't had the opportunity to use as I couldn't get any day that I could get away from the kids for long enough, that is exactly what I'll do! Love it!

OP posts:
curryforbreakfast · 16/12/2017 20:15

With people like that you have to be creative in order to get any time off

No you don't, you just have to do your own thing and not give in to everyone else.

onalongsabbatical · 16/12/2017 20:17

Fab! Sorted. T'will set you up for the Christmas insanity soon to follow....
Have a lovely time!

Wolfiefan · 16/12/2017 20:23

Of course you could have a day to yourself without smoke and mirrors.
You're not working.
You have childcare.
Day off.
Frankly Christmas shopping isn't exactly me time.