To feel this was hurtful?

[lill72]

So, my daughter gets brought home from a class by a mum every week. This morning she tells me that she cant do it next class as she organised something at her place. She then goes onto tell me some other girls have been invited but not my daughter. No need to know this. Ugh. Not the first time this has happened. She also gave me the heads up my DD was not invited to her DD birthday party. Cheers. How would you handle this? She is very clearly trying to do something - not sure what you call it. Seems very juvenile to me.

ignore her if she wants to act like a child. Can you pick up your daughter yourself? then you don't need to even speak to her.

Sounds like she is trying to piss you off so she doesn't have to pick your dd up anymore.

How old is your DD?

I don't really see what the problem is. She said she can't do it next week and warned you that some of the girls might be talking about an activity and a party. Is the problem that you expected your DD to be invited?

I have to agree with a PP, sounds like she’s deliberately antagonising you so she doesn’t have to drop your daughter off anymore. An immature way of doing it but regardless, time to make new arrangements.

Do you ever return the favour? I expect she may be fed up of running your daughter around. Perhaps the two kids aren't as close as they were.

This really wouldn’t bother me unless the DDs are super close or yours is the only one being left out of the group. It sounds like your DD and her DD aren’t best friends or even that close. Just because she’s kind enough to give your DD a lift doesn’t mean she has to invite your DD to everything. She’s probably trying to be upfront and honest why she can’t do the lift next week. There maybe a limited number of party invites too. I’d be pleased she’d been open and honest. I hate it when parents try to be sneaky about parties etc. Plus you’re not wondering if your DDs invite got lost. I really wouldn’t let it bother you.

I take her daughter to the class each weeks, she brings my daughter home.

She has excluded my DD and another girl . Just seems odd to tell me.

The two children do like each other - in fact her DD is askig to come to ours. It is a case I suspect of the mum manipulating the friendships she wants her daughter to have. Nothing wrong with my DD - she just doesnt comply to this mums desires for her DD obviously!!!

She is not trying to piss me off.... intentionally.

But she has.

I asked about next years pick up and she is happy to stay as is....

themerrywidow - I agree. I could. But I take three children so it upsets the whole apple cart so to speak....

Complies enough to share lifts though

I think I'd find a new arrangement for drop.offs and pick ups!

Blah - I may just have to. Is all getting a bit tedious for me.

What a nasty person she is trying to rub your face in it. She sounds like one of those. I would scrap the arrangement tbh, and drop and collect your own child.

I would just ask her why your DD isn't invited, put her on the spot, just ask casually, like, 'why was (DD) not invited to .... again??' It'll give her the message, she's weird if she doesn't think you'd be offended she sounds just rude, passive aggressive types annoy me.
And your DD deserves better.

It's convenient for you-so I would just carry on. Take it that she is warning you that your child isn't invited so it isn't awkward when the time comes. Daft to cut off your nose to spite your face, so to speak.

I actually can't see what she has done wrong.

She has explained she can't give your DD a lift and why. She has also been upfront about the activity and party so that you don't hear about it through the grapevine and get upset by hearing about it on the sly so to speak.

However if you were on here saying that my DD has a liftshare with another girl but doesn't want to invite her to her party/activity because we are limited on numbers people would be saying that is fine that is her choice.

Well nothing technically done wrong but i feel it is a just a bi insensitive. She drops two girls off - DD and another but has invited other girls that go to this same class. Totally her call but I dont need to know about it. She seems to like to make others feel excluded.

EMS - she said that nth daughters can only invite two friends but then said she has 8 coming. Ugh. All information I did not need to know

Soupdragon - well if she is having a little party it would have been nice if my DD was invited, as a friendly thing as we have this arrangement. Or if not, no need to mention invites we dont have!!!!

Thanks for the non invite!!! You dont usually get a heads up on non invites do you???!!!

Aero - she is totally one of those.

Do you think that she may not like something your dd has done (or she thinks dd did)?

Damm - she wants her daughter to be friends with certain types of girls. I dont really want to go into it as it is not really the point of this AIBU.

Point is - what she said did not need to be said.

Well to be fair, I used to share a brownie run with a child that would never be invited to my child’s birthday party.

There’s nothing wrong with sharing a run and being friendly without being friends.

She may have gone about this clumsily though while attempting to be open.

I'm with you OP...I cannot imagine a scenario where I would say "we are having a birthday party on Saturday, your DD is not invited." You just wouldn't mention it surely?

I'd just say "OK." In a slightly bemused way. If you like you could respond with "I won't be getting her a present."

Just as weird.

When she said she could only have a few people over, I said fair enough. I was literally speechless to be honest. As I often am to the things she says.

Colours - yes why the need to say.

Does everyone go around and give you a heads up to the things you are not invited to??!! Very very odd

Should I say anything to her now or have I missed the moment? I just want her to know in some way that this is not ok.