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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tube seat WIBU?

98 replies

mathsquestions · 05/12/2017 09:12

I deliberately avoid priority seats (as I have a dodgy ankle). This morning I was busy reading some papers and a pregnant lady asked for my seat. I immediately obliged but once she was seated I said that the correct etiquette is to ask someone seated in the priority seats. She was not impressed. WIBU???

OP posts:

PSNah · 05/12/2017 09:13

Maybe the priority seats were filled with people that already needed them

honeysucklejasmine · 05/12/2017 09:14

So, she asked you (in anon priority seat) rather than the people occupying the priority ones? Who was in the priority seats? Maybe she felt they were less able to stand than she was.

Phosphorus · 05/12/2017 09:15

I think what you said was unnecessary.

Most people ask the most approachable looking person for a seat, and assume those in priority seats need them as much as they do.

LoudestRoar · 05/12/2017 09:15

I would always ask the carriage as a whole, rather than single one person out when asking.

peachypetite · 05/12/2017 09:15

Yabu

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2017 09:15

That makes no sense to ask people in the priority seats as one would have to assume they needed them more, surely?

Whambarsarentasfizzyastheywere · 05/12/2017 09:16

That's not the correct etiquette at all

Ywbu, there was no need.

NumberEightyOne · 05/12/2017 09:17

It's strange that you value tube 'etiquette' over common sense and courtesy.

Pickleypickles · 05/12/2017 09:17

If it was me i would feel bad asking someone to move from priority seating as i dont know why they are sat there - i thought priority seats were meant to be given up by the people in them if someone more in need got on, not asked for by the person who needs them, so i would probably of done the same and picked the friendliest looking person and asked them.

corlan · 05/12/2017 09:19

I think you may need to go back to your etiquette book. You don't do someone a good deed, then make them feel bad about it.

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2017 09:21

I think in that situation I would have said, "I'm so sorry but I have a dodgy ankle" and then asked someone more able if they'd be kind enough to give up their seat for her.

I mean if my ankle was really going to cause me a problem.

Original poster

mathsquestions · 05/12/2017 09:23

I clearly WBR

My only comment is that the priority seats are at both ends of the carriage (next to the doors) and she walked towards the middle section of the carriage. Why not at least have a look?

OP posts:

InspMorse · 05/12/2017 09:24

I would never ask a person to move. You never know what hidden disabilities/illnesses a person has.
I'm thinking especially of my darling friend who, with terminal cancer looked as right as rain until weeks prior to passing away.

Whambarsarentasfizzyastheywere · 05/12/2017 09:26

Have a look at what? You can't spot all disabilities and I wouldn't be standing questioning people about it either.

PestoSwimissimos · 05/12/2017 09:29

Yes YWBU

You don’t look round for people sitting in the Priority Seats and ask them first! The people sat there are most likely the ones to need them...

Migraleve · 05/12/2017 09:32

This is hilarious. Is it important to you to try and be better than others? It's jus there are better ways to achieve this than making snide belittling comments to other people.

Who are you to say what the correct etiquette is

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 05/12/2017 09:33

Some days I'm just too tired to give up my seat, so I avoid priority seats.

I would do so if asked, of course, but I wouldn't offer. I think the people occupying the priority seats should be asked first.

GU24Mum · 05/12/2017 09:35

I thought the whole point of the priority seats was that anyone can sit in them but you should give them up if someone who was a "priority" came in and needed them. If I get on an empty train, I won't head for one of the priority seats but if the train is busy, people sit in them (doesn't make sense to stand if there are empty seats) and then given them up/are asked to as necessary.

duffaho · 05/12/2017 09:36

You took all the good out of that small action. She asked you because you seemed approachable and she needed to sit down. You let her sit and then gave her a lecture . Good way to stop her asking anyone again even if she needs it more as her pregnancy progresses.
What did that gain you?
You were just nasty.

Oh yes - and entirely U.

BusterTheBulldog · 05/12/2017 09:37

I do think it’s odd she just asked you op? You ask the carriage/ row of seats as a whole generally surely?!

PinkyBlunder · 05/12/2017 09:37

Maybe she’s a nice person who assumes that those in priority seats needed them more than she did?

You were rude and definitely not in line with the correct etiquette - that would’ve been to keep your incorrect opinions to yourself. Had it been me, tired, grumpy and pregnant, needing to sit sit down, I probably would have told you to fuck off.

2rebecca · 05/12/2017 09:41

If the people in the priority seats didn't need them they should have stood up as soon as the heavily pregnant woman appeared (assuming not staring at phones) Agree if they looked able bodied they should have been asked first

Waterdropsdown · 05/12/2017 09:59

She should have asked the people in the priority seats. Or I’m sure if she was visibly pregnant after a moment someone would have offered her a seat even if not the priority seat people.

It’s horrible being heavily pregnant travelling on tube/train (I did it till 32 weeks with twins) but I still think if you cannot make your journey without being able to stand for a part of it you should think about travelling out of peak hours because often it’s so busy you can’t even get close to the seats.

coddiwomple · 05/12/2017 10:02

I think it's very rude and inconsiderate to ask a specific person in public transport. At least ask a little group, don't put someone on the spot.

You can't know if that person is unwell, unable to stand so there's absolutely no need to embarrass someone by either forcing them to stand when they can't, or forcing them to refuse and appear rude (and find themselves on social media!)

OP, I would have declined in your case, just replying "sorry, I can't stand". Yes, it's more comfortable to seat than stand when heavily pregnant (and easier from protecting your bump), but it's not a disability.

TrinitySquirrel · 05/12/2017 10:05

I was laying wooden floors at 9m pregnant. I get some women have a crappy time but unless they're struggling they wouldn't have had my seat. My fucked hip beats their being a bit tired anyway.

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