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AIBU?

Tube seat WIBU?

98 replies

mathsquestions · 05/12/2017 09:12

I deliberately avoid priority seats (as I have a dodgy ankle). This morning I was busy reading some papers and a pregnant lady asked for my seat. I immediately obliged but once she was seated I said that the correct etiquette is to ask someone seated in the priority seats. She was not impressed. WIBU???

OP posts:

Report

IceFall · 05/12/2017 13:03

I would always ask the carriage as a whole, rather than single one person out when asking.

This

"Would someone be able to offer me their seat?" with a big smile

Eatalot · 05/12/2017 13:03

Why ask wibu then get opinions. Then state that you were definitely nbu? Seems this pregnant woman annoyed you enough to post and you did do assuming everyone would be on your side. I think you have deeper issues.

ThisLittleKitty · 05/12/2017 13:05

I've been on the bus loads of time with my pram and another pram on then the driver let's a 3rd one on. (So too many to fit in the space) so I wheel out into the aisle and let the other pram in and say it's ok I'm getting of the next stop. Didn't realise I was humiliating anyone??

Iwantamarshmallow · 05/12/2017 13:06

I’m 24 weeks pregnant but I don’t use the priority seat in case I have to move mid journey for someone who needs it more. YABU. pre-pregnancy I would have offered my seat to a pregnant woman without being asked .

RunFatGirlRuuuuuun · 05/12/2017 13:07

OP YWNBU. I used to always ask a person in the priority seat, sometimes they said no and that was fine. I think if an able bodied person sits in the priority seat they run the risk of being asked to stand. Less so in the other seats.

user1467718508 · 05/12/2017 13:08

In truth, I'd have probably been honest and said I'd rather not b/c of a problematic ankle. Someone else more able to stand could have obliged then, or she could have asked someone else.

It was a bit PA to give her your seat, and then talk down to her about etiquette.

LivLemler · 05/12/2017 13:14

Ugh, sympathies OP. I have dodgy knees, and standing on public transport seems to be the worst thing for them. The occasional time is fine and luckily enough I can always get a seat on the train here if I get the stopper rather than the express. If I lived in London and had to use the tube, I'd be in chronic pain (like I used to be when I was younger). I wouldn't feel comfortable taking a priority seat as I've never been able to get a proper diagnosis, and it's not a disability anyway. So it would get me down to be directly asked to give up a non-priority seat as I'd feel I couldn't say no even though I needed it.

I agree with you OP, she should've politely asked the people seated in the priority seat and if none of them were able to give her their seat, moved on and asked others. But never ask an individual, it puts them in an awkward position.

expatinscotland · 05/12/2017 13:18

Next time, wear headphones and then pretend you don't speak English. Sorted.

AhhhhThatsBass · 05/12/2017 13:25

You were being a bit unreasonable, OP. Like you, I avoid priority seats. And I do agree that lots of people "who probaly don't have a specific need for them" sit on priority seats (eg if there are no other seats available etc ) But on the other hand, it's quite a compliment to you that you look approachable and kind enough to ask for the seat. So you made her feel bad about asking you but also you removed the warm feeling one has inside after doing a kind deed (or maybe that's just me). There was no winner in the situation.
Yes she should probably have asked someone in the priority seats but that wasn't really for you to point out.

MagicFajita · 05/12/2017 13:26

You were unreasonable op.

I travelled on the tube until 41+7 (on the way to my induction) as I had no choice due to distance and not having a family car. I almost never got offered a seat so I didn't give a toss about doing the right thing , It was all I could do to politely ask the nearest person to give up their seat. When you are overdue , have pgp and are desperate for a piss the priority seat is not a priority.

Viviennemary · 05/12/2017 13:31

You should have said you had a sore ankle so sorry you couldn't give up you seat. I disagree with only asking people sitting in priority seats. I agree it is cheeky to ask one person and put them on the spot.

HuskyMcClusky · 05/12/2017 13:32

You were unreasonable and rude.

Able-bodied people in the priority seats are supposed to offer their seat to people with a visible need.

That doesn’t mean that people who need a seat can only ask people in the priority seats. They can ask anybody, and that person can equally say that they need the seat.

Can’t believe you lectured her on etiquette.

paxillin · 05/12/2017 13:36

Yes to "Could someone else give this lady their seat please". "You should have... why didn't you... the correct way is.. "- total no no. Turning down a request because you need the seat too is fine. Patronising strangers in front of others is twatty.

Percephone · 05/12/2017 15:07

Re: the humiliating post.

It was humiliating because the lady thanked the man, thinking he had got up to give her his seat, but he said he was getting up anyway, letting her and everyone else know that he wasn't being kind to her because she was pregnant and that presumably he didn't think she should be treated differently because she was pregnant.

Pengggwn · 05/12/2017 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missbattenburg · 05/12/2017 15:59

I also don't understand why the "I'm getting off at the next stop" was humiliating either. I'd have almost certainly said the same thing - more as a humble way of saying "I don't deserve thanks because I'm not really doing anything brilliant". I think it takes a huge leap of presumption to then believe he didn't think pregnant women deserved help unless there was more to his actions and attitude then stated here.

I also think it was pretty impolite to say yes when being asked for a favour and then whinge at someone for asking you. Someone asks for a seat and you can say yes or no but saying yes then complain they shouldn't have asked will always make someone seem rude to me.

All that said, I travelled the tube for 10 years and always gave up my seat immediately on seeing an obviously pregnant, injured or elderly person. I'd always get frustrated at a whole carriage who collectively pretended not to notice when someone needed a seat.

Eliza9917 · 05/12/2017 16:11

HuskyMcClusky
Able-bodied people in the priority seats are supposed to offer their seat to people with a visible need.

They are supposed to but they don't. The tube during rush hour is every man for himself. I've seen people pretend to be asleep/be engrossed on their phones/newspapers, all to avoid getting out of the priority seat for someone who needed it.

WRT the OP, IMO the woman was incredibly rude and should have asked the carriage as a whole - directing her attention to the priority seats - NOT a specific person.

BeALert · 05/12/2017 16:30

"Would someone be able to offer me their seat?" with a big smile

I used to do this but often got no response.

I'd then start asking individuals.

I hated asking, but had a habit of fainting if I stood for too long.

why12345 · 05/12/2017 17:04

Why do something nice then say something bitchy?!

Afterconkerseason · 05/12/2017 17:24

This is why I have just stood the entire tube journey home at 33 weeks pregnant! It’s just not worth the hassle of asking for a seat if no one volunteers, you just get grief!

INeedToEat · 05/12/2017 17:27

I get on the trains daily in London. Usually packed. I have Multiple sclerosis and epilepsy. I can never bring myself to ask someone if I can have a seat for this very reason. My feet and legs are numb and I do find standing difficult.. but I'm youngish and don't look like I have a disability. I always feel like I'm going to get asked to prove I'm disabled (which I can do) and feel like it would be really embarrassing.

ThisLittleKitty · 05/12/2017 19:18

I kind of got it after that she was embarrassed at thanking the man when he hadn't actually given her the seat more he was just getting of the next stop. But humiliated?! Come on! And leaving work cause of it? I don't know what to say really that's a HUGE over reaction. And if that's the worse thing to happen on the train for you then think yourself lucky!

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WhatevaPeeps · 05/12/2017 19:21

While I was heavily pregnant (8 months) I once gave up my non-priority seat for a blind man as no one else was going to bother their arse.

Either do the right thing or don’t, but don’t be a pretentious tool about it. You didmt need to sit. Yabu

NotAgainYoda · 05/12/2017 19:22

Oh Give Over

We did this about a week ago

NotAgainYoda · 05/12/2017 19:23

Is this a sociology project, where you work out what people say depending on the sex of the person asking and the person who's asked

Next week: female asker; male askee

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