Tube seat WIBU?

[mathsquestions]

I deliberately avoid priority seats (as I have a dodgy ankle). This morning I was busy reading some papers and a pregnant lady asked for my seat. I immediately obliged but once she was seated I said that the correct etiquette is to ask someone seated in the priority seats. She was not impressed. WIBU???

[givemesteel]

Urgh did you really say that? Yabu.

I am pregnant and I find it embarrassing to have to ask for a seat so I hope someone just notices and offers. She had the courage to ask you as she obviously thought you looked nice and accommodating, and you told her off.

The issue with priority seats is the hidden disability thing but also in London there's a pretty high chance someone is sitting in them who's a tourist / can't read English so they don't realise they're meant to get up.

I hate the priority seat system. It seems to make everyone feel they're entitled to act like a dick when someone in need gets on as it deflects responsibility on to someone else rather than it being a collective responsibility to be kind. Sad indictment of society and I think it has made things worse.

[givemesteel]

trinitysquirrel you don't just give your seat up because someone pregnant might be 'a bit tired' you give it up as it is dangerous for them to be buffeted by a moving train against other people.

Oh and just because you had an amazing pregnancy doesn't mean everyone does. The last time I had to stand for a whole on public transport I started getting back spots and stars in front of my eyes and nearly fainted, I've had low blood pressure in my pregnancy which is not uncommon.

[Elendon]

I was 37 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child (1995) and it was my last journey home on the tube before my maternity leave. I was standing for about three stops before a man got up and gave me his seat. The majority of those sitting were women. I gratefully thanked him. He turned around and said loudly for all to hear, I'm getting off on this next stop anyway. Most of those who witnessed it smirked. I felt so belittled and humiliated. I never returned to work.

YWBVU.

[TriJo]

Waterdropsdown Some of us don't have a choice. I work 9-5, nursery hours are 8-6. I at 30 weeks pregnant and already quite uncomfortable have no choice but to travel in peak time.

[Elendon]

Meant to add, it seems that nothing has changed since then.

[PinkyBlunder]

trinitysquirrel have a

How would YOU know who’s struggling or not.

[Pannacott]

Posters saying 'those in the priority seats already probably needed them' - are you Londoners? Regularly take the tube? That's a load of nonsense, they are just normal seats for everyone to use.

When I was pregnant or carrying a small baby in a sling, I'd get on then generally announce 'I'm pregnant, can I have a priority seat' in their general direction. There would sometimes be a bit of shared decision making and someone would stand up. Would have been fine if someone said 'no sorry I've got a bad knee' etc. There are usually at least two together. Most people are happy to get up but don't notice if someone has a need - not the done thing to check out other passengers.

Now I choose not to sit in them if other seats are free, as I know I m get have to get up.

OP she probably wasn't impressed because she knew you were right. Maybe didn't have the confidence to ask the people in priority seats, but that's her problem, not yours.

[Annorlunda5]

I never asked anyone for a seat while pregnant, I would wait to be offered. That's because I'm socially shy.

YWBU. It may be that the other people in the priority seats needed them and surely if you didn't want to be getting up due to your dodgy ankle then you should have been in a priority seat?

[PrincessoftheSea]

I think if you need a seat, you should stand next to priority sears when asking and address the whole carriage not just one person. Personally I never sit in a priority seat, but expect to be able to sit if I find a seat.

[SoupDragon]

You can't spot all disabilities

Like the OP's ankle?

[PinkyBlunder]

Posters saying 'those in the priority seats already probably needed them' - are you Londoners?

Until fairly recently yes. And I would still assume a person in a priority seat needed it more than me because I’m not an arsehole and recognise that not all reasons for needing a priority seat are visible. I’d rather take the moral high ground and hope someone else would be good enough to do the same.

[DailyMaileatmyshit]

I was once on a bus, sat in a priority seat (no other seats) I had my bag on my knee. An older lady came up to me and said "get up I need to sit, I have a bad legs". I obliged (due to shock I think). Despite being 8 months pregnant with awful SPD, another lady then offered me her seat, which I gratefully accepted. The older lady scorned at me the whole journey.

YABU. People in priority seats often need them.

[TriJo]

Similarly to DailyMail - when I was 35 weeks with my son someone on the 43 on crutches literally grabbed me by the arm and tried to pull me out of a priority seat because others wouldn't move.

Some people are just cockends, disability (temporary or otherwise) doesn't change that.

[Pannacott]

Pinkyblunder, that's a bit of madness. Of course most people who use the priority seats do not need them, they are not exclusively for high needs! The signs say please give up if asked by someone with priority needs. So everyone is free to sit in them; anyone who is asked should vacate, unless they are also a priority user (visible or not) in which case they decline as they have the need, and then another priority seat passenger should vacate, or if not possible, another kind passenger.

It really shouldn't be so hard to have a simple conversation that is pretty much already structured by the wording by TFL.

And people travel in a bubble, it's also unusual to think everyone should be scanning for limps, possible baby bumps. That also prejudices invisible disabilities and early pregnancy etc. the onus is on the priority passenger to ask.

[Scaredycat3000]

OP YWBU to stand up in the first place, you have a bad ankle, you both needed that seat, no point standing up then complaining about it. I often asked people if I could sit, but only in the priority seats, and if it was quiet enough I would ask loudly all priority seats yes I have the personality in RL to this. For some reason a minority of people who need priority seats are so self centered that they prosume they are more inportant than in more need than all other people and as this thread shows many agree with them. Both of you could have fallen due to your conditions and caused life changing injuries, I'm not going to judge who is more worthy. I once sat in the priority seat with my toddler dc, as per the priority seat sticker. An elderly lady got on the tube, using the far side of the doors opposite, I was the furthest seat from her, she walked straight past the two priority seats on that side, headed towards me and rested on the glass beside me. The other 3 people in the other priority seats had no obvious priority like myself. Next stop a woman with a guide dog in training gets on leads the dog right up to my toddler and starts shouting at me that I should have given up my seat. It was horrible, stuck in close proximity with a small child and angry shouting dog owner in a confinded space. MN said I should have stood up. If you need a seat you don't get to pick your favourite seat, the priority seats are clearly marked or you ask a group, walking past priority seats to pick the one you want isn't good manners.

[Thymeout]

I'm a Londoner and am often the oldest person in the tube carriage. I very much doubt that all or even most of the people sitting in the priority seats have an invisible disability. People sit in them because they're closest to the doors and they don't want to risk losing the empty seat further down the carriage to someone coming in the opposite direction. An awful lot of people on the tube don't even realise they're priority seats because they're tourists or don't understand English.

I find people are pretty good about offering me a seat. If I really needed it, I'd ask the passengers in the priority seats first, because I could then point to the notice. I'd ask nicely, apologetically and with a smile on my face. If they had an invisible disability, they could then tell me and I'd turn to someone else. In all probability, someone would already have stood up by this point.

I don't know why people are so shy about talking to strangers. This really isn't the big deal that people are making it out as.

[PinkyBlunder]

We could go around in circles forever trying to decide whether someone may or may not have a disability you can’t see. It doesn’t matter, not really.

The point is OP was really rude and unreasonable to lecture the person she gave her seat up for. Just no need for it. If she has a bad ankle why didn’t she ask for a priority seat herself? Bit of double standards going on there really!

[RavingRoo]

Common courtesy is actually to get up for a pregnant / less abled person. The priority seats were only created because people have stopped doing that and are a smokescreen - everyone seated needs to be prepared to get up for a less abled person. That means, like what happened when I took the tube last week, where every seat has a pregnant person on it they have to get up when a group of disabled people come in.

[ThisLittleKitty]

I was 37 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child (1995) and it was my last journey home on the tube before my maternity leave. I was standing for about three stops before a man got up and gave me his seat. The majority of those sitting were women. I gratefully thanked him. He turned around and said loudly for all to hear, I'm getting off on this next stop anyway. Most of those who witnessed it smirked. I felt so belittled and humiliated. I never returned to work.

YWBVU.


^^ sorry but why was this humiliating??

[Frederickvonhefferneffer]

She shouldn’t have had to ask.

[BusterTheBulldog]

I think the pregnant woman was rude and unreasonable to pick on a specific person in a non priority seat. Ask generally not specifically. Bizarre behaviour.

[LostInShoebiz]

YWBU to lecture her afterwards. If you don't want to give up your seat for a perfectly valid reason then say so. A simple polite explanation would have solved things but I bet a lecture after the fact made her feel like shit.

[PersianCatLady]

^^ sorry but why was this humiliating??
I didn't get that either.

[RhiWrites]

All my life I’ve been taught to ask specifically. So not “can anyone give me a lift” but “Lisa, would you mind giving me a lift”.

But thinking about it maybe the general ask is better in this situation. You can’t know if any specific person has an issue that means they need to sit.

Maybe the better thing to do is to say “excuse me, I have a condition that means I need a seat, is anywone willing to spare a seat.”

But I’ve never had to try this. I feel so sorry for everyone in this position.

OP, I think you were wrong. You could have said “I’m realky sorry but I have a bad ankle myself, I’m really very sorry I can’t help. Is anyone else able to spare a seat?” Then you would be two people supporting such other.

As it was you gave up the seat but with such bad grace, claiming that this was correct ‘etiquette’ for the situation. Manners and customs vary, there was no need to suggest the woman had been rude when she asked you politely.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

Another one puzzled about the 'humiliating' scene. If I decline an offer of a seat when out and about with my dc I will often say something like 'I'm getting off at the next stop anyway'. Perhaps the man was just being polite in a 'don't mention it' way.
And are you implying you never went back to work because that happened?