For being on my phone

[Marissa2727]

Have been watching Tv with DH and he has gone off in a massive sulk because I have been on my phone some of the time.
He told me off several times for being on my phone during the programme. He then got more and more angry and ended up shouting at me several times.
It's not like I do this every time we watch tv together, just tonight I felt like doing that. I can't help feeling like I haven't done anything wrong though! He just turned the light off in the lounge while I am in here stomped off upstairs shouting get off your f*ing phone now. He also had a go at me because I didn't eat all of my dinner. I feel like this is a bit too controlling.

My DH is constantly on his phone when we watch something. Sometimes when I want to watch something together and talk about the show I do get really annoyed.

But this sounds like a one off and there is other stuff going on.

Shouting, tantrumming, stomping etc not ok.
Complaining you didn't eat your dinner, not OK.

Phone thing - we have similar conversations. It's really annoying when watching a film if one of us is on the phone, misses important parts of the film, having to rewind, or pausing to explain because one of us missed it etc
If it's something easy to watch, then it's easy to multi task. But sometimes it's nice to actually be together and with full attention.
Iykwim?

No, another person doesn't get to decide how you spend your down time or how much dinner you eat. You do.

You're both being unreasonable. You for being On your phone instead of spending time together if that's what your partner/relationship clearly wants or needs. He though you were watching it together and you werent interested.
His reaction was shitty though.

Tbh I can get very irritated when DH is in his phone constantly, I do find it quite annoying if he does it all the time

Missed the big about dinner. He can fuck off for that!

It sounds like this isn’t a one off and that there are bigger issues

With this issue alone, I get annoyed with my DP if he’s on his phone while we’re watching something specifically together - because he can only concentrate on one thing at once so if he’s on his phone he’s not watching! This only applies to stuff that we have specifically earmarked time forto watch together - not just if the tv is on while we’re both in the front room

Hmm ok fair enough, maybe it is my fault. I hardly ever go on my phone when we are watching a programme, just felt like it tonight for some reason! Will try not to do it again as he obviously gets annoyed by it.
I think I might sleep down here tonight feeling a bit scared and uneasy by it all.

I don't get these responses. If person A wants to watch a tv program, and person B wants to flit in between phone/tv, why does person A wanting to watch tv together trump person B. I don't get it. You're an adult, do what you like, not what your oh wants.

What else is going on?

However annoying it is when DH goes on his phone it doesn't get to the point where he's sleeping in the front room.

That's kind of what I thought too @arethereanyleftatall

His reaction to both phone and you not eating your tea were completely OTT.

Does he speak to you like that often?

Arethere it's not necessarily who's thoughts/feelings trumps the others. For me, if DH were settling down to watch a programme we watch together or a film then I expect him to watch it rather than keep asking "eh, what did they say" / "why's this now happening" and then having to explain or rewind. I find it a bit rude. But that being said there are plenty of other times where we are both only half watching TV, or it's something one of us are more into than the other.

@ReasonableLlama I just feel quite frightened by him shouting at me and the controlling behaviours. This might be me being a bit sensitive because of past experience in another relationship but I don't feel like I could share a bed with him at the moment. I feel too anxious.

I agreed with him when I read the first part about your phone but then got to the end and thought woah! He actually had a go because you didn't eat your dinner?! What! Is he normally like that with you?

But llama, op hasn't said that she asked him to rewind, or what was going on etc. Yes, that would be annoying, but didn't necessarily happen in this case.

Arethere yes very true and I apologise if my comment came across incorrectly. I just wanted to explain how it could be annoying as you said about person A dictating if person B should be on their phone or not.

In OP situation it's a one off and her husbands reaction was completely unnecessary.

My DH just turns up the TV volume until I leave the room with my phone. I do understand though, as it is pretty annoying.

I didn't ask him what was going on in the programme, it was fairly easy to follow. I ate most of the dinner but couldn't eat the last few pieces as I felt too full. He said if I won't eat all of the chicken then he won't buy it anymore!

Blimey! You lot couldn't cope with this house then. We all play games whilst watching tv. No way would I tell dp that he couldn't do as he pleased regarding gaming or phone use. That's a bit ridiculous really.

And going off it because an adult didn't eat all of their dinner is just crackers, even if they'd eaten a huge cake before, it's their own decision.

Marissa Warning signs are going off in my head. Ignoring the phone for a minute, shouting at you isn't ok. I've worked with victims of DA and he seems very controlling of you - shouting at you to get your phone and having a go cos you didn't eat dinner. He seems agressive and controlling to be honest. Listen to your gut feelings of feeling uneasy and frightened. You have every reason to feel that way, and you shouldn't feel that way in a relationship. I'm not saying the controlling behaviour means he will be abusive, I AM saying most abusers start off with this low level control. Aware I may be seen by some as overreacting, but you felt frightened and he was controlling and you don't have to feel that way. When things calm down, talk to him and let him know this type of things isn't on. If it continues, look after yourself and don't put up with crap. And don't feel guilty about the phone!

Was it a programme you particularly wanted to watch with him or that you usually enjoy together? I quite often read stuff on my phone if I'm not bothered about what's on telly, so does my husband. In fact sometimes it feels like the TV is just on for background noise. Did he ask if you wanted to watch something with him? It does sound a bit controlling to me.

The fact that you're feeling frightened of him is a very bad sign. You should never feel frightened - me &DH have disagreements, shout at each other sometimes, but I never feel scared of him.

The phone thing - well, it can be annoying when someone's on their phone - so I'm 50:50 on that. But the dinner thing - it is none of his goddamn business how much of dinner you eat.

He's definitely not abusive although I can see it has come across that way. He is a nice person he just has set ideas about things and can be quite stubborn sometimes. I can see I was being unreasonable with the phone now but still think he was a little controlling. Thank you

He is abusive. Shouting over something so minor is abusive. Berating a grown woman over leaving a few morsels of food is abusive. He sounds like a massive twat.

I can understand that people may not like others using their phones, especially if they have the volume up, but I doubt anyone would get shouty about it unless they are abusive.