For being on my phone

[Marissa2727]

Have been watching Tv with DH and he has gone off in a massive sulk because I have been on my phone some of the time.
He told me off several times for being on my phone during the programme. He then got more and more angry and ended up shouting at me several times.
It's not like I do this every time we watch tv together, just tonight I felt like doing that. I can't help feeling like I haven't done anything wrong though! He just turned the light off in the lounge while I am in here stomped off upstairs shouting get off your f*ing phone now. He also had a go at me because I didn't eat all of my dinner. I feel like this is a bit too controlling.

If he isnt usually likes this, could it not be a case of him having a stressful day and just groggy and snotty?
Did he make tea and put a movie on so to make it a 'date night' for you both?

It is annoying that people are so glued to their phones now. I recently saw pictures of an event where the sponsors were boasting about the turn out, the community. Most of the people were looking at their phones. After I remarked they removed the post.

I watch TV, my husband is on his phone. We sit next to each other but he really isn't aware of what's going on in the room.

Unfortunately it looks like the first few posts have convinced OP she was being unreasonable.

OP, he does sound controlling. It's absolutely normal to be on your phone and not finish your dinner. He doesn't sound very nice.

Nice people don't refuse to buy chicken ever again because their partner was fill up and left a couple of pieces.
They don't behave so badly their partner is too anxious to share a bed with them.
They don't throw a temper tantrum of something bothers them. They use actual words and speak calmly.

He's definitely not abusive although I can see it has come across that way. He is a nice person he just has set ideas about things and can be quite stubborn sometimes. I can see I was being unreasonable with the phone now but still think he was a little controlling. Thank you

Tomorrow tell him he frightened you tonight and wait to see what he says. His response will probably tell you a lot.

Crikey, in our house, do watches the tv, I'm on my iPad & sometimes he's watching tv & on his iPad! Horses for courses I say.

Unless the whole, watching tv was meant to be 'done together' - and obviously you know the answer to that - then I think he's totally over reacted.

The fact you feel scared, anxious & frightened is worrying to me. No one should feel like this about their partner/husband

Aside from the having a go at you for not eating all your food, I have to say someone being on their phone constantly when they are in company is massively rude and ignorant.

He is within his rights (IMO) to have a go. I would too.

All the rest is another matter. I am responding to the main point of the OP.

Nice people don't flip out at grown women for not eating their dinner

SOMETIMES he's nice. John Lennon was lovely the majority of the time. And sometimes he beat his wife.

Dangernouse - so being on your phone when you're in your own home is rude, but watching tv isn't? Why?

Dangermouse, you're not "in company" in your own home. You're not obliged, as part of a couple, to do whatever your partner is doing or to pay them attention 100% of the time. Who decides what tonight's "activity" is? What if you want to read a book or a magazine and your OH wants to watch TV? How is looking at your phone any different?

Arethereanyleftatall exactly !

Op you were not at all unreasonable to be on your phone! You’re a grown woman and you can do as you please with your free time. He was looking at one screen you were looking at another, why do you have to be looking at his screen?? Bloody ridiculous argument and he has been an absolute unmitigated twat to you.

He's definitely not abusive although I can see it has come across that way.

He shouts at you and wants to force you to eat when you're full. Of course he's abusive. Possibly not physically, but he is abusive.

I used to have this problem with the ex wife. Oddly enough it didn't happen on the occasions we were actually watching sometime we both liked to watch. But she was the boss of the TV remote and the order of the day was normally Soap Operas. The content of my phone I must admit offered more mental stimulation than Coronation Street.

Since divorce I have noticed a 100% drop in phone nagging if this helps?

She was an abusive woman so there maybe something in these traits.

joking aside

I was thinking the same as arethereanyleft and ladylove- why is it rude? Why is tv considered the polite thing? I really don't get that. My husband watches tv to unwind but I don't, should I have to adopt his hobbies? I tend to prefer to sit on the computer, as long as I don't ignore him when he is trying to have a conversation I don't think his way of unwinding is anymore important and thankfully neither does he. If I kept asking questions about the program he'd playfully tell me to either watch it or shut the fuck up and we'd laugh, he wouldn't yell or have a go and I wouldn't end up frightened. That is not normal at all. Seriously dont get why posters have said they get annoyed, I mean how dare someone have their own ideas about how to spend their evening! It is possible to be sociable and not watch tv. Only exception would be as someone else said, if you'd decided together to make an evening of watching something

He told you off several times.
He then got more and more angry and shouted at you several times.
He turned the light off in a rom you were sat in.
He stomped upstairs shouting at you to get off your fucking phone.
He had previously told you off for not eating all of your dinner.
He told you you were not having chicken again ( as he wont be buying it) because you didn't eat it all.
You are going to sleep downstairs because you are scared of him.

These are ( pretty much) all your own words.
He's an abusive control freak.
He has been like this for sometime because he has got you just where he wants you - you scared and him in complete control.
" He is a nice person" " I can see now I was unreasonable about the phone"
Fast forward ten years......." He is a nice person" " I can see now I was unreasonable about the phone/ my dinner/ the baby crying" " He didn't mean to break my nose and black my eye" " he promises he won't do it again"
How did you come to the conclusion you were unreasonable about the phone? It wasn't because everybody on here was telling you that and you realised that they were right and you might have been unreasonable. You came to that decision because he has you trained like a bloody performing seal. You know you were not unreasonable initially , you ask people ( wether on here or your friends) for their opinion. They tell you he is being abusive and controlling. You reply he is a nice person and you now realise you were wrong.
No point telling you anything negative about him - even when it's the truths - as you will only defend him.
I just hope you don't have kids with him. They tend to leave food every meal and not pay attention when watching telly.
Good luck. You are going to need it.

Sounds pretty controlling / abusive to me. I don't think you did a single thing wrong OP and it speaks volumes that you don't feel comfortable sharing space with him now.

"I can see I was being unreasonable with the phone now"
In what way do you think you were being unreasonable? It's not like you were out for dinner together. You weren't asking him what was going on in the programme, so it doesn't look like you were interrupting his enjoyment of it. Why would he insist you keep staring at the tv screen even though you obviously weren't that into it?

What were you doing on your phone? Did he feel jealous/threatened in some way? (Not that I think his behaviour was acceptable if he did feel jealous, just trying to understand what made him lose the plot for what seems to me to be a completely unreasonable reaction).

Does he control the food that comes into the house? "He said if I won't eat all of the chicken then he won't buy it anymore!"

No one should be scared by their partner. I hope that you feel able to tell him that you felt intimidated by his behaviour and that you won't tolerate such behaviour in future (setting out consequences). I also hope that he will feel ashamed, acknowledge that it was unacceptable, and why. But having read your few posts, I don't hold out a lot of hope he'll react this way. However I do hope you will now be on alert for controlling behaviour and not accepting any instances of it.

You are an adult. If you don't want to watch a tv programme you don't have to. You should not expect to be shouted at for this decision.

Come on!!! He’s behaving like a complete control freak! Cannot believe some of the responses on here.

You were sitting in front of a telly together. It’s hardly an interactive experience, like playing a board game or chatting. I generally loathe it when people focus on their phones instead of the person they’re with, but in your own home while the other person is goggling at a tv screen?! Perfectly fine/ normal.

No way is it acceptable for him to stomp and shout and order you around over what you eat and when you use your phone. Under NO circumstances.

Shitty fucking responses, honestly.

It's scary that sounds like the ott blow ups my ex used to have over stuff like the tv (and genrally not getting her own way). To point where she would get so wound up and hit me or even throw stuff like plates at me. Kind of realise how not ok and not normal that sort of relationship was now. At the time it was so normal. I would take note what people are saying OP because I don't think good healthy relationships work that way.

He's treating you like a naughty child not like a partner. Its hugely controlling and aggressive behaviour that will only escalate if you stay with him

I can understand being pissed off at phone usage if you are doing something together. But watching TV hardly qualifies as that